“We are,” William confirmed. “And, so far, you’re one of a handful of people who’s been allowed to see what the playroom is going to look like when it opens. You’re a smart kid, Jayden. I think, in some ways, it’ll be easier for you to answer your own questions in an empty room.”
“Yeah, or maybe it’s even more confusing because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be looking at,” I scoffed, already making my way through the room. I bypassed the area that looked like a dream bedroom or rec room for a teenage boy. That wasn’t something that interested me, but I would have to tell Matt and Brandon about it—they’d go nuts for the wall of gaming consoles.
The next area made me slow down and look around a bit. I could almost see Chase playing with the building sets, but not quite. It was still too big for when he was Ash. The third section made my heart skip a beat. The low tables and smaller chairs would be perfect for when he had quiet time. I wished we had something like that in our room because I could almost picture him sitting there doing his homework, with a sippy cup and a little bowl of fruit in front of him.
It wasn’t until we reached the far end of the room that I got uncomfortable. I didn’t necessarily like the way my dick perked up when I took in the sight of the nursery that was most definitelynotfor children. All of the furniture, including the rocking chair, were designed with a Daddy and his boy in mind.
“Talk to me, Jayden,” William urged the longer I gaped at the nursery without saying anything.
What was I supposed to say? I knew talking shit about a kink was a huge no-no, especially when you were inside a kink club. And really, I wasn’t repulsed, I was more confused than anything. The image of Ash in the adult-sized crib, arms outstretched as he waited for me to pick him up was crystal fucking clear. I wanted to see him in there, smiling up at me around the edges of his binkie like I was the center of his universe.
“It’s okay to be intrigued by what you see,” my uncle reassured me when I was still silent. I ducked away when I felt his hand on my shoulder. I needed to work this shit out on my own. “Tell me what you’re feeling. I’m not going to judge you if that’s what you’re worried about. You might even find I can relate to a lot of what you’re feeling.”
He couldn’t. Someone like William wouldn’t want to lay his baby boy on the changing table and clean him up before putting on a new diaper. For most of my childhood, William had been this almost mythical badass, off fighting the bad guys around the world. I knew now that wasn’t a realistic view of him, but it was still the picture of him I had in my mind. And that image didn’t fit with the one before me, telling me he could relate to my need to wrap Chase up and take care of him.
“Come on, we’re going to sit down.” I followed him out of the playroom to the bar. He grabbed a bottle and two glasses. I wasn’t much of a drinker, but I was willing to do just about anything to get him to stop seeing me like a little kid. William took a seat next to me, sliding a glass my way. “I know it’s weird talking about certain things with me, but I want you to know, whatever’s said between us stays here. If you’re even considering doing anything with your roommate, you owe it to both of you to be as informed as possible, so no one gets hurt.”
“I’d never hurt him,” I protested. Hell, he was so sweet, I doubted I’d even be able to spank him.
“Not physically, no. I know you, Jayden, and not once would I have thought you might physically harm anyone,” William explained, lifting the glass to his lips without taking a drink. He held it in front of him, staring into the distance like he was remembering something from his own past. He got that same haunted, faraway look sometimes. “Eventually, physical scars fade, sometimes to the point you forget they’re there. But emotional wounds never fully heal. I’d rather you talk about whatever’s bothering you with me, than say something that might make your roommate feel like he’s doing something wrong.”
“How can I be into…” I waved my hand in the general direction of the playroom. “How have I never realized I wanted someone to take care of? I feel like I should have figured that out sooner.”
“Sometimes, kinks are like food. Until you try something, you might not have an opinion one way or the other.” He took a sip of his whiskey and I did the same. Where he savored the liquid, I choked when it burned going down. He held up his glass. “Take alcohol as an example. Most people don’t go from never having a drink to savoring a well-aged whiskey. Some people eventually try it and hate it, while others develop an appreciation for it. Kink works the same way.”
Shit. That made a lot of sense. I was pretty sure I’d never fall into the category of loving whiskey but being Chase’s…something? That was something I was definitely on board with.
“How do I find out if he wants stuff?” I couldn’t bring myself to say the worddiapersout loud.
“There are two trains of thought on that. One, you can man up and ask him. Yes, it’s going to be awkward as hell, but if he trusts you, it’s going to be the surest way to make sure the two of you are on the same page.”
Fuck. I didn’t want to do that. I got what he was saying but that didn’t make me eager about the prospect. “What’s my other option?”
“Take your cues from him and if he seems open to it, push him,” William suggested. “Sometimes littles struggle with opening up about what they want and need. That fear you have about admitting you’re a Daddy? Magnify that and you’ll know what he’s probably feeling.”
Shit. If William was saying that about the typical little, I could only imagine how difficult it was on Chase after what he’d gone through with his former roommate. And yet, he’d been brave enough to open up to me, even if only because I’d accidentally stolen his binkie. My respect and admiration for him grew ten-fold as William continued talking about how hard it was for littles to live their authentic, happiest lives.
“Which would you do?” He’d been in the lifestyle longer than I’d been alive. That made him a great ally to have on my side.
William shrugged. As badly as I wanted to give him hell for the dopey grin on his face, I kept my mouth shut. It would do me no good to tease the one person who could help me. And, this time, his distracted gaze was very much focused, although I couldn’t figure out what he was picturing behind the bar. “It depends on the boy, really.”
“On what?” My frustration grew the longer he talked in circles. I wanted him to lay out a set of steps I could follow to make sure I was doing right by Chase.
“For starters, are both of you new to the scene, or is this something he was interested before the two of you met?” It was a fair question since I’d been purposely vague the one time he and Chase had met.
A tender smile played at my lips as I thought about that first night he knew I knew about him. “No, he’s definitely the more experienced of us in this aspect.”
I threw in that qualifier, because the other part of my worry was that I knew he was utterly inexperienced in other things. I was starting to feel like being someone’s first was a hell of a lot of pressure. Whatever I gave him had the potential to shape anyone who came after me.
And, dammit, there was that burn in the center of my chest again. I didn’t like thinking about anythingafter,even though it was improbable two guys thrown together by nothing more than a vacant bed could make anything lasting.
“Then talk to him,” William urged me. “Your boy might surprise you.”
My boy.
My. Boy.God, I loved the way that sounded. After listening to William speak, I wasn’t even as opposed to someday being Daddy. We weren’t there yet, but if he decided that’s who I was to him, I would fold him in my arms and thank him for giving me that gift.
“Was there anything else?” William rounded the end of the bar and washed our glasses.
