Chase jumped, slamming the lid of his laptop when I unlocked and opened the door. His hand was shoved under his pillow, most likely hiding his binkie. “Oh, it’s just you.”
“Well that’s one hell of a greeting,” I responded. I reached under the pillow, smiling when I realized I’d been wrong. I pulled out a sippy cup filled with juice. “Where did this come from?”
His face went white as he scooted into the corner of his bed. He picked up his blankie, clutching it to his chest, then mumbled something I couldn’t understand. I hesitated a moment before crawling into his bed and pulling him onto my lap.
“Hey, what have I told you about trying to hide things from me?” I asked as I held out the cup to him. I might not have been as chill as I should have been when I found his sippy, but that was because it had surprised me. I spread my legs and he shifted so he was sitting between them, his back leaning against my chest. I smoothed a hand over his hair, smiling when I heard him let out a content little sigh. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you stressed out today?”
“It’s silly,” he told me.
“That might be, but how about you let me be the judge, okay?” I leaned to the side so I could fish my phone out of my pocket. Chase was deep enough into his little space that he didn’t notice me composing a quick text to let William know I was going to be late. Now, more than ever, Ineededto talk to my uncle. “I hope you know I wasn’t mad about you having a sippy. I’m proud of you for getting what you needed, even if I wasn’t here to take care of you. That’s what big boys have to do sometimes.”
“You sounded growly,” he pointed out.
“Only because I wasn’t expecting it,” I explained. We sat there in silence as I gently rocked him back and forth and kept kissing the top of his head. “Now, what’s silly, but not so silly you didn’t get upset about it?”
Chase grunted a few times, making me wonder if I was going to have to push him. I was getting better at that. Where I’d originally thought we needed to take things at his pace, I now understood he needed me to demand he talk sometimes, too. “I don’t want Matt to think I’m weird.”
“What have I told you about that word?” I scolded him.
“That I’m not supposed to say I’m weird and there’s nothing wrong with me being Ash when I need to be,” he responded. “But that’s you. What if he does know and he teases me about it? I like living here. I don’t want to have to move again.”
“That isnotgoing to happen,” I insisted, hugging him tighter. “First of all, as long as you’re mine, I’m not letting you go. Second, if Mattdoesknow and he still asked to hang out with you, that means he’s trying to show you it’s okay with him. He’s not a jerk. He won’t pick on you.”
And I’d make damn sure of that because, as soon as I got Ash calmed down, I would be having a little chat with Matt to suss out how much he’d figured out. If he was cool, I’d ask him to keep an eye on Chase while they were hanging out. It would help both of us feel a little better about this weird in-between space Chase seemed caught in most of the time.
“You promise?” Ash lifted the sippy cup to his lips and sucked down what was left of his juice. He still hadn’t let go of his blankie.
“Yes, buddy, I promise. If I had any doubts at all, I’d make sure I was there with you. But you’re safe with him.” I thought about what I might be able to do to put him at ease. Being a caregiver should come with a manual. Oooh, there was one thing… “You know, you probably shouldn’t play in your school clothes. How about if you sit here, and I’ll pick out some play clothes for you to wear? Would you like that?”
“Yes, please.” His voice was softer now, which meant he was starting to relax.
I hopped off the bed and rummaged through his drawer to find a pair of play pants. There wasn’t much. His wardrobe looked like someone who was trying hard to make an impression on people, which I assumed wasn’t that far off. He was working to bury his desires, so no one got too close to the truth. The only exceptions were some graphic tees that were cute, but not as far as I’d like to push him. I was definitely going shopping for my little buddy as soon as I got paid this week.
“Here we go,” I said, holding out a tee I’d seen him wear once and a pair of sweatpants. The shirt was tight and rode up if he moved the wrong way. That didn’t concern me, because it was still cold enough that he’d have a jacket on over it. The point of this exercise was reminding him I was the one who picked out what he wore because I was always going to take care of him. “Slide to the edge of the bed so I can help you. Matt’s probably waiting for you already.”
“I don’t want to make him mad, Jay. We need to hurry.”
“You’re right, you do,” I confirmed. “And you need to make sure you apologize to him for being late for your playdate.”
“I will, Jay.” He didn’t hesitate this time when I stood between his legs with a shirt gathered in my hands. “Silly, you can’t put that shirt on over my school shirt.”
I smacked my palm against my forehead and made a goofy face after tossing the shirt on the bed. “You’re right. How could I forget?”
“It’s okay. We all make mistakes.”Fuck, could he be any cuter?I tickled Ash’s sides as I slide the shirt up his body. He giggled and squirmed, trying to get away from me. “Stop, Jay! I have to get ready, so Matt doesn’t get mad at me.”
He kicked his feet against the edge of the bed after I finished changing him. I squatted down, trying to find his shoes. I knew he had a pair of brightly colored Vans that would be cute as shit for this afternoon. He held out his foot like Cinderella waiting on the prince to see if her foot was a perfect fit. I chuckled at the absurd comparison.
I kissed the tip of his nose once I finished tying his shoes. “You’re all set. I’m going to see if Matt’s ready to go. You need to get your jacket on, and make sure you take your little Pika with you.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that,” he protested, sounding a little more grown up now. “What if Matt sees it?”
“You don’t have to take your binkie, but I want Pika with you,” I insisted. “Now finish getting ready and I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, Jay. Thank you for helping me. I didn’t even think about wearing my school clothes,” he admitted.
I gave him a quick wink. “I know, buddy. That’s why you need your Jay to always look after you.”
He was still giggling as I pulled our bedroom door shut. I rapped my knuckles on Matt’s door. Something banged, Matt cursed, and then I distinctly heard Brandon telling him to watch his language. Maybe it meant nothing, but it might also mean everything. I stifled my laughter as the door swung open. “Hey, what’s up?”
