Idefinitelywanted to do that with him. My heart raced, wondering if he’d seen something he shouldn’t have, but told myself that was stupid. A lot of people played, and he might just be inviting me to hang out while he played. “That’d be fun! I need to see if I have anything going on after classes though.”
There. That sounded like a totally grown-up answer. See, I could do this.
“Cool. Just let me know if it’s okay—” Matt pursed his lips and I quit breathing. How could I when I was scared to death of what he might have been about to say? Brandon set down his knife with enough force it made me jump. When I looked at him, his eyes were narrowed slits aimed directly at Matt. “Sorry. I mean, let me know if you have any study groups or anything.”
That so wasnotwhat he’d been about to say. I tapped an egg on the counter a bit too hard, sending egg white oozing all over the counter and shells crushed against my palm. Tears pooled in my eyes, certain that my secret wasn’t so secret anymore and the progress I’d made with my roommates was gone.
“Here, let me get that for you,” Brandon offered. He handed me a towel before leading me to the sink. He turned on the faucet, standing behind me, holding my hands under the stream of hot water. As he held out the soap and squirted a few pumps into my palm, he said, “It’s okay, Chase. You don’t need to worry about anything. Let’s get this mess cleaned up, okay?”
“Okay.” I felt numb. He knew.Theyknew. They had to know. There was no other logical explanation for him helping me wash my hands. But if he was taking care of me, that had to mean he didn’t have a problem with it, right? “I’m really sorry I made a mess, Brandon. Matt surprised me.”
“It’s okay, buddy,” he comforted me. “We’ll get you cleaned up and then you can go find Jayden while Matt helps me finish breakfast.”
“But I was supposed to help you,” I protested. It had sort of become a thing for Brandon and me to cook for the rest of the suite in the mornings. I didn’t want him thinking I was trying to get out of anything.
“It’s okay. I think you could probably use a few minutes alone.” He held out a towel, patting my hands dry. “Tell Jayden what happened. We can all sit down and talk about it tonight if you want. I’m sorry Matt surprised you. I told him it wasn’t our place to say anything.”
“So, you do know?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to confirm my fears, or pretend he was clueless. Either way, things were bound to change between the four of us. And if they knew, I couldn’t be sure Zach and Danieldidn’tknow there was something different about me. No way would they be okay if they knew about Ash.
“We have our assumptions,” he hedged. “But it’s your story to tell. Until you’re ready, you don’t owe us anything. But if youdowant someone else to know, we’re safe. Trust me.”
“I do.” It wasn’t until I said the words that I realized Ididtrust Matt and Brandon. There was something about them that felt familiar. Before I’d come out to Jayden, I’d often watched them and been jealous of the relationship they seemed to have. Maybe if I told them about me, they’d open up, too. “You can talk to us, too. Right?”
“Yeah. I think it’s past time for all of us to get things into the open,” Brandon said. He turned back to the stove. “Go, see Jayden. I’ll send Matt down when it’s time to eat.”
“Thank you, Brandon.”
“Anytime, buddy.”
I didn’t look at Matt as I fled the common area of the suite. I barreled through the door, clinging to Jay.
“What’s wrong?” I felt myself moving across the room. Jayden bent down, then held the binkie in front of my mouth as he lowered both of us to the bean bag. “Talk to me, buddy. What happened? I haven’t been gone that long.”
“Matt asked me to play Pokémon Go with him after class. And then I broke the egg. And he said it was okay and helped me wash my hands. We all need to talk. He was too nice to me. I think he knows.” The jumbled thoughts flew out of my mouth in no particular order. I clung tighter to Jay, burying my face in his neck. “You didn’t tell them, did you? I know it’s a bad question but how else do they know? What if they say I need to move out now?”
“Shhh,” Jay soothed me. I closed my eyes, focusing on his hand against my back. “Take a few deep breaths and then try telling me again what happened that has you upset.”
Jay rocked me gently as I explained everything that had happened. Some guys would have told me I was being a drama queen or overthinking what Brandon had said, but not Jay. Instead, he rocked me slowly, combing his fingers through my unruly hair. I felt calmer by the time I reached the end of the story. I was still scared they knew about me, but when Jay promised he’d be by my side no matter what, I believed him.
“What do you say we get you ready for school?” He slid out from under me and starting rummaging through my dresser. I’d already gotten dressed, but I didn’t question him. He turned around, a pair of shorts and one of my favorite Pokémon t-shirts in his hand. “Arms up, Ash.”
I complied easily, lifting my hands in the air. Jay slid his hands up my sides, lifting the shirt over my head. “I know you’re going to be nervous today. When you are, I want you to look down and remember that your Jay’s got you. I won’t let anyone say anything to hurt your feelings. And if they do, I’ll be here to make it all better.”
He kept talking to me as he put on the shirt he’d picked out and then stripped me out of the jeans I’d planned on wearing today. He ran a finger over the waistband of my underwear, making my winky ache a little bit. Not bad, but I wished he’d help me before it really hurt. “Please, Jay.”
He turned his hand, pressing his palm against the achy parts. That wasn’t enough. I wanted him to really touch me. He’d been so careful, and it was getting harder to convince myself it wasn’t because he didn’t want me that way. Having my Jay take care of me was better than I’d dreamed any Daddy could be, but I’d always imagined there would be more to it than him taking care of me.
“We don’t have time right now. If you’re a good boy today, I’ll help you before bedtime,” he promised me. “And I think you might have to sleep in Jay’s bed tonight so I can make sure you aren’t getting out of bed after I fall asleep. You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep it up.”
“I know,” I responded softly, picking at my bottom lip. I nearly asked him to help me find a better way to get everything done, but I was too caught up in wondering why he wouldn’t touch me. Maybe if I wasreallygood, I could convince him to go further than kissing me. “You’d be okay with me sleeping in your bed?”
“Oh, buddy, I’d love nothing more, but I didn’t want to push you,” he admitted. “We’re still trying to figure out what we look like, and I didn’t want to throw too much at you at once.”
“I’m a big boy, Jay,” I insisted. It sounded ridiculous since I was using my baby voice, but dang it, Iwas.Yes, I loved being little, but I also had big boy needs. It might get me a time out before breakfast, but to prove it to him, I placed my hand over his and moved it onto my dick. I felt out of sorts, drifting somewhere between Chase and Ash, as I moved his hand along my length, arching into his palm. “I want this. I want everything with you. I want to be your buddy, but I also want to be your boyfriend. Maybe that isn’t what you want, too, but I want you to know where I’m at.”
Jay crushing me as he took my face in his hands, wasnotthe reaction I had anticipated. He stared down at me and shook his head slightly. I held my breath, worried that I’d gone further than he wanted. My concerns died the moment his mouth crashed against mine. My lips parted on a gasp as he started grinding against me.
“Fuck, Chase,” he sighed as our lips parted. “You have no clue how badly I needed to hear you say that. I know we’ve fooled around but I’ve been worried about what you want from me. I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing and scare you off. I’m still not certain I can be what you need, but I’m trying. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression I was only doing this for your benefit. If I had been, I’dneverhave let you get me off. That would be the ultimate shitty move.”
