“Oh, buddy, no. Don’t let him do this to you.” I deserved a fucking cookie for trying to soothe my boy instead of breaking Zach’s bedroom door off its hinges so I could lay his ass out. “Donotlet anyone rob you of how happy you were tonight. You’re brave and strong. I’m sorry.”
“Not…your fault…” He hiccupped, then his hand flailed around. “Need Pika, Jay.”
And, finally, I felt like I could breathe. “Why don’t you come snuggle with me on the floor, Ash. We’ll get you calmed down and then you need to get ready for bed. You’ll feel yucky in the morning if you don’t brush your teeth.”
“Okay.” While he slid to the floor, I crouched down and reached under the bed. I knew damn well where he kept his things, but I hadn’t betrayed his trust by looking. I hadn’t even touched the bag until now. But now, I was allowed because I was his Jay. I was the one who took care of him and helped him be Ash when the big world got to be too much for him.
He crawled into my lap, accepting Pika when I handed it to him. I covered both of us with the blankie he slept with every night. And, yeah, I might have pulled the damn thing up to my nose so I could smell him. We scooted around until Ash was in my lap. I reached up, grabbing his binkie off the edge of the desk.
“Is the doors locked?” he asked before popping the binkie into his mouth. If there’d been any question that he was Ash right now, the fact he didn’t blanch at his poor grammar would have made it known.
“Yeah, both of the doors are locked,” I reassured him. “And tomorrow, I’m going to get some chain bolts. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t be you in our space.”
The thought hadn’t crossed my mind, until I’d seen how torn up he was over Zach being a flaming bag of dicks. Later, I’d be having words with him to let him know that toxic masculinity shit wasn’t going to fly around here. He might be bigger than me, but I was a scrappy fucker. If he wanted a fight, he’d get one, but he’d leave Chase the hell alone.
“You’re the best, Jay.” He sucked on his binkie a while longer as I rubbed his back. Eventually, the tears dried from his face and he relaxed. “Do I get more rules?”
Only a little would actuallywantmore rules than they’d been given. I tried to come up with more rules that wouldn’t be too weird. Yes, there was the one about touching himself and that was a bit extreme, but that was also for my own sanity. It was impossible to not wake up when the bed started squeaking, and the next time he got off, I wanted to be responsible for it. “How about whenever you’re feeling things, you need to tell me.”
“Feeling things?” He looked up at me, confused.
“Yeah, buddy.” I pressed my finger to the tip of his nose. “If I’m your big guy, you need to tell me when you’re upset. It hurts my heart when I come into the room and you’re crying. It’s okay if you can’t tell me when other people are around, but this is our space. Don’t hide here.”
“Okay, I can do that, Jay,” he promised. “What else?”
“Are there any rules you want me to set?” I needed Ash to cut me a little slack. Unlike him, this wasn’t something I’d fantasized about for years. I had exactly no time to do anything more than a few quick internet searches on my phone.
“I might need bedtime, Jay,” he explained. “I’m not so good at going to sleep on time. And maybe sometimes you could help me with that.”
“How would I help you?”
Ash shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you could help me get into my jammies and then read me a story. You’re a good snuggler, so maybe that would help me sleep. And not now, but later, maybe—” He squirmed, trying to get away from me.
Interesting. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but it obviously affected him. He reached for his crotch, remembering at the last second that he wasn’t supposed to. I waited until he buried his hands under his legs before moving. It was a risk, but I laid my hand over his dick, feeling the way he throbbed against me. “What has you excited, Ash? Is there something you want Jay to do to you when you’re ready?”
Even though the room was only illuminated by my desk lamp, I could see the way Ash’s face flushed red. He didn’t speak, so I used the time to scroll through the things I’d seen that might embarrass him to admit he wanted.
“Do you want a bottle at nighttime, Ash?” I plucked the binkie out of his mouth, dragging my thumb over his bottom lip. “I bet warm milk in a bottle would help you sleep better than this binkie would.”
He squirmed and whined. I pushed my thumb into Ash’s mouth, and he started to suck on it. Which, of course, had my dick waking up and pressing against his hip.
Ignore it. You don’t need this as much as he does. Focus.
“Yeah, I think my buddy likes the idea of sucking on a bottle,” I cooed. “But you have to tell me if that’s something you want.”
Ash nodded. I had no clue if he was saying he was up for bottles or that he’d tell me if he did. Shit, this was going to be tricky as fuck. There wasn’t any way we’d be able to wander down to the kitchen and fill a fucking bottle. What in the hell was I thinking?
Logistics later. Helping Ash now.
“And little boys who keep playing with their winkies might need a bit of padding down there,” I said, measuring my words, hoping I sounded stern. “I might need to order you some training pants for when you’re sleeping.”
“Not diapers?”
“Would you want diapers, buddy?” I’d figured they would be off-limits as long as we were at school. Training pants would be easy enough to hide in the bottom of the hamper until laundry time. “Maybe we should save those for when we’re on break. That might make you more comfortable.”
“But training pants until then?” He wasveryinterested in that idea. I rubbed my hand up and down his length a few times, teasing him. He arched into the touch. “Jay, please.”
“Please what, buddy?” I gave him a quick squeeze. “You already made one mess. Do you need more rubs before I get you cleaned up and ready for bed?”
