“Get that look off your face. I brought him here because he was able to get a wristband. He’s only twenty, so most gay bars aren’t an option. Besides—”
“Sorry, I just…” William kneaded the back of his neck. He was obviously uncomfortable. He muttered to himself for a few seconds, then squared his shoulders and looked into my eyes. “I’m proud of you, Jayden. You’re a good friend. Now, please tell me you’ve warned him this isn’t your average gay bar.”
“Yeah, he knows all about this place.”Iwas the one struggling. I had zero issue with kinky people, but it was awkward thinking about what all my uncle did here. Yes, I’d been curious about things at times, but my paranoia that I would see him in a compromising position was enough to keep me away. “Do you have any idea how weird it is knowing this is where you hang out? Part of me wants to know more, but then…” I shuddered. “Nope. Really don’t want to know. Even in our family, that’s a little too close for comfort.”
“I can’t guarantee you won’t learn more about me than you’d like if you stick around, but I promise, if you tell me you’re going to be here, I’ll be respectful of that.” It was a small compromise. “And if you have any questions, man up and come see me. I’d rather we both suffer through some uncomfortable conversations than have you led astray.”
“Thanks, William.” Chase was inching his way toward the door. “I should probably get back to Chase. He needs this. Bad.”
“Be good to him. I’m not going to go over and spook him, but make sure he also knows he’s more than welcome to find me if he has any questions.”
“Will do.”
I rushed back to Chase, lacing my fingers with his so he couldn’t run away as William announced that things were going to start soon. There was a bit of an overview, followed by a question and answer session. “That doesn’t sound too scary, does it?”
“I guess not.” Chase scrunched his face. “Thank you for coming here with me.”
“You don’t need to keep thanking me, buddy.” I brushed the hair out of his face. I slid my hand around Chase’s waist, leading him to the couches on the far side of the room. There was a low table filled with toys and coloring books. Initially, I’d planned on him sitting close enough I could comfort him if he was nervous, but now I had a better idea. “Hey, why don’t you sit on the floor and color?”
“Um, because that would be rude.” He seemed stunned that I would make such a suggestion.
“In other situations, you might be right, but they have toys and stuff here for a reason,” I reminded him. “This is all about giving people a safe place to explore things about themselves. The best way for you to do that is bydoingit. Besides, I bet it’ll be easier for you to forget that you’re supposed to be nervous if you’re playing.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he agreed, crossing his legs as he lowered himself onto the floor between my feet.
I looked to the front of the room, sitting a bit taller when my uncle gave me a nod of approval. I bent forward, rubbing Chase’s shoulders. “Don’t forget you have your binkie if you need it.”
“I can’t,” Chase protested. “Not tonight. It’s still scary to know you know about it. I can’t do that in front of strangers.”
Talk about a backfiring plan. I’d wanted him to relax, but he seemed more keyed up than before. I allowed my hands to slide forward to Chase’s chest and kissed the top of his head. I couldn’t explain why I was so obsessed with touching Chase or giving him little kisses, but I couldn’t stop myself. And since he wasn’t protesting, I wasn’t going to hold back. Friends could be close, right? “Then don’t. I just want you to remember there’s no right or wrong here.”
I checked out the rest of the group in the room. There were some boys who were obviously there with their Daddies, but also a few boys who looked as lost as Chase seemed. I wasn’t sure which group would be better to try and work our way closer to. The boys in committed relationships would show him that he wasn’t anything out of the norm, but the skittish littles might be more relatable to him.
He relaxed a bit throughout the presentation. When William opened the floor for questions, Chase relaxed between my legs, wrapping his arms around my calves. He wasn’t as tense as before, but I couldn’t tell if he was actually enjoying himself. I had pushed him to do this, and now I wasn’t sure that had been the right decision. “If you need to leave, we can.”
“No, I’m okay,” he whispered. “But I’m thirsty. Can we get a drink soon?”
“Yeah, we can do that, buddy.” I scruffed a hand over his head and he leaned into the contact. “I’m very proud of you. It takes a brave boy to come here even though you were scared.”
“I needed to see for myself.”
“I know. You’re not upset with me for dragging you here before you were ready?” Chase started putting away the crayons he’d been using and stacked the coloring books. “Thank you for cleaning up.”
I startled when the praise flowed easily. That, to me, was weirder than anything else tonight. I needed to remind myself I was just Chase’s supportive friend, nothing more. I was letting the lines blur, and that wasn’t fair to either one of us. I would never be what Chase needed.
He turned, kneeling between my legs. When he smiled, it was unlike anything I’d seen from him so far. His eyes sparkled and he seemed genuinely happy. “Can we get a drink now?”
“Yeah, buddy. Let’s go.” As I ushered him out of the room, I caught my uncle watching us. He gave me a smile and a nod. Maybe I wasn’t screwing this up as bad as I’d thought.
The informational session split up not long after Chase and I sat down at the end of the bar. More of the couples were wandering around the lounge. I was fascinated by how comfortable the little boys were being themselves.
“Look at that cute boy.” I turned Chase’s stool so he could see a little dressed in stretchy shorts and a tight t-shirt with a cartoon sloth on it. I’d done a double take when I saw the hint of a diaper peeking over the waistband of his shorts. It felt like an invasion of Chase’s privacy, but I couldn’t hold back from asking. “Do you think that’s something you want to try eventually?”
“What?” Chase squirmed in his seat. I wished I wasn’t behind him. I wanted to see his reactions. I wanted to be able to glance down and see if he was turned on by what he saw, even if he tried telling me he wasn’t.
“Do you want a Daddy who will make you wear diapers?” I pressed my chest against Chase’s back, resting my hands on his hips. “I think you’d be cute walking around with your padded bum.”
“I don’t know.” Chase scrunched up his nose. He reached into his pocket, fiddling with the paci and mini Pika I’d given him.
