“Yeah, I do.” I realized instantly that it might not have been the right thing to say, even if it was the truth. “But why’d you say that?”
“You and Trevor grew up together. You never had to wonder if you’d ever find someone who’d be interested in you.”
“True, but that doesn’t mean it’s been all roses for us, either,” I pointed out. God, if only I could tell Seth how complicated my relationship was without chasing him off. Without pissing off Trevor. “There are always hurdles you have to overcome, but you will. I know it may not seem like it right now, but eventually, you’ll hit it off with someone and that’ll be it.”
Seth scoffed, kicking at the hard ground beneath his feet. “Yeah, because all the gay boys want someone who looks like they’re twelve and can’t see without their coke bottle glasses.”
He smoothed down the front of his sweatshirt and I noticed how much baggier it seemed now than it had before break. I directed him to a bench in front of our building, not wanting to go inside until I knew he was in a better headspace. His problems were quite literally eating away at him from the inside; my own relationship issues seemed to pale in comparison. “Look, you can’t do anything about your height. Maybe you’ll have a late growth spurt, maybe you won’t, but that’s something out of your control. As for the glasses, have you considered getting a pair that fits your face and style a bit better?”
“What style?” He gave me a pointed look before taking in his current outfit. Yeah, so maybe he didn’t have any style, but like the glasses, that seemed more a product of his upbringing more than a lack of interest. I was so out of my element here. “I know you’re trying to help me feel better, but there’s nothing you can do.”
“Not true.” Trevor had a study group tomorrow night, so he’d be home late again. We may not be able to completely revamp his wardrobe, but giving him a tiny self-confidence boost might help. And once we found a mall nearby, I’d work on getting him to trade in his plastic-framed glasses with thick lenses for something a bit sleeker. Under his nerd facade, he wasn’t a bad looking guy. “I’ll borrow the Jeep from Trevor tomorrow and we’ll go shopping.”
“And that’s going to make the guys fall all over themselves to get to me?” He quirked an eyebrow, still not believing he wasn’t doomed to be alone forever. “You’re a good friend to even try, but I’ll still be the same guy I am now, even if you clean me up.”
“Yeah, and I think the guy inside is pretty cool. After all, I don’t make a point of hanging out with losers,” I quipped. “Is that all that’s bugging you?”
Seth shook his head. I heard faint sniffling, which could’ve been caused by an impending emotional breakdown or the damp chill in the air. I hoped for the latter but had a feeling it was the former. We sat in the dark, watching students trickle in and out of the building. Occasionally, a laugh would float across the air, but otherwise it was a quiet evening. The phone buzzed in my pocket, most likely a text from Trevor asking me where I was. I considered checking to make sure it was nothing urgent but decided to give my full attention to Seth. Trevor would understand once I explained the situation.
“If you wanna talk about it, I don’t have anywhere I need to be.”
“You still have homework to get done,” he reminded me. True, but I wasn’t looking forward to the required reading. There was time to catch up before the next exam.
“And you had no problem talking me into putting it off when we were going to Port Java.”
“Trevor’s probably up there waiting for you.”
“He can wait. There’s nothing in the boyfriend handbook that says I have to be there waiting for him the moment he walks through the door.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he snapped back. Shit, leave it to me to say the exact wrong thing. “Is that something they hand out when you get your first boyfriend or is there an initiation process first?”
Damn, even when he was upset, the kid had a snarky side. We needed to find a way to get him to show that a bit more often, because it was preferable to the socially awkward, insecure demeanor he played up most of the time.
“I’ll loan you my copy. It’s not like I’ve ever followed the rules.” Seth chuckled, but it sounded hollow. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this from someone who’s in a committed relationship, but college is the perfect place to meet someone. You’re here, away from your parents’ watchful eyes with no one to tell you what you can or can’t do. You already took a huge step by joining the LGBTQ Alliance, which may not be a place meant to hook up, butit isa group where you’ll find people who accept you for who you are. And that, my friend, is sometimes the scariest part of all.”
