Nope. Today had already turned into a bit of a Christmas nightmare and I wasn’t sure I could handle more revelations into how transparent my life was. But the curiosity would kill me. “What do you think is messed up in my head?”
God, I sounded like an emo kid. It was annoying to my own ears, so I could only imagine how Dad felt hearing my sullen response.
“First of all, I don’t think anything is wrong with you, mentally or physically.” I didn’t realize how badly I needed his validation until I let out a deep breath. It was as though a weight had been lifted off my chest and I could finally get my lungs to function properly. “I think you and Gabe have grown close this past semester and that makes it difficult for you to be here. You’re worried about perceptions and opinions, and you’re making yourself miserable. Am I close?”
Unable to speak, I nodded, almost imperceptibly.
“Oh, Trevor.” Dad pulled me into the second strong hug of the morning, this time holding on for what felt like forever. “I won’t lie and say everyone’s going to be happy about this. Life definitely would’ve been simpler if you’d both met nice guys and gone on as best friends. But life doesn’t always follow the easy path. Sometimes, life is messy and you have to decide if you’re up to the challenge of putting everything back together.”
“I am, Dad.” I sat up straighter, realizing I would do anything to keep Gabe in my life and happy. That didn’t mean I was going to drop an atomic bomb at Christmas dinner, but I promised myself I would clean up the mess.
Mom called out, letting us know we were officially running late, which probably meant we were running the risk of being right on time. Mom lived for punctuality.
“You don’t have to say anything to your mom before you’re ready,” Dad reminded me. “And even then, it’s your decision how much you share with her.”
“So, you think I shouldn’t tell her about Gabe and me?” It still seemed surreal that he was encouraging me to keep something so important from her. It was beyond belief that he was so casually accepting of my relationship with someone who’d been family our entire lives. I had to wake up from this dream. Mom had to be hollering for me from the kitchen, trying to get me out of bed so we could go.
“I think it’d be for the best if you let her digest one truth before feeding her another. If it makes you feel any better, I’d tell you the same about introducing her to your boyfriend if it was someone you’d met at school.” Dad stood and I followed. “Maybe not for the same reason, but I don’t think it’s prudent to introduce your mom to everyone you’re dating. And you’re both still very young. There’s no telling if this is a passing fling or if it’s serious.”
I played with the bracelet on my left wrist.I’ll be there with you, every step of the way, Trevor.Gabe’s promise echoed in my mind, bolstering my courage to be honest with Dad.
“It’s not an experiment,” I told him. “You’re right, there’s no way to know for sure that we’ll last forever, but no one has that guarantee. But please, if you’re going to accept us the way you say you are, don’t play off what Gabe and I feel for one another as kids testing the waters now that we’re away from home. Don’t think it’s something we fell into because we were left unattended at school. If our circumstances were different, we’d have already been together for over a year. But we waited, because we knew the hurdles we’d have to face and didn’t want to sabotage our chances or disrespect any of you guys.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It was wrong of me to minimize your feelings immediately after promising I wouldn’t start doing that now.” Dad seemed genuinely upset that he’d spoken without realizing what he was doing.
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I’m still surprised you’re cool with this.”
“Trevor, I’ve known you and Gabe since you were born. There was a subtle shift a few years ago that got harder to ignore as you boys got older.”
“Do you think Mom and Gwen already know?”
“No, I’m pretty sure they still assume you’re straight and wonder if Gabe is going to find a nice boy now that he’s away from home. Little do they know you guys found each other long ago.”
“So you’re really cool with this?”
“Trevor, Randy, what’s taking you so long? We’re going to be late!” Mom yelled, more impatiently this time.
“We need to go, but the short answer is yes, I’m good as long as you’re happy.”
* * *
A waveof comfort washed over me as soon as we stepped inside my grandparents’ home. With Dad’s reassurances fresh in my mind, I didn’t worry so much about everyone figuring out that Gabe and I were dating and, instead, allowed myself to relax, the same as I had every other year. Carols played on the old stereo system. Everyone tried convincing Papa Joe to upgrade to more modern technology, but he was a purist, preferring his old record player and tube speakers. Secretly, I hoped he never made the transition because there was something settling about the occasional scratch of the needle and the rich tones you could never hear from modern speakers.
Deeper into the house, I knew the women would all be buzzing around the kitchen, trying to put the finishing touches on the traditional Christmas meal. The menu never changed, and if anyone didn’t like it, they’d have to deal with Gram. This was her feast and she served the same dishes today as she had when Gwen was a little girl, recipes handed down through the generations.
I stood in the middle of the front hall, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds of our patchwork family. The familiar footfall getting closer had me smiling. I turned and laid eyes on Gabe, who appeared as nervous as I’d felt earlier.
“Merry Christmas, Trev.” He gave me a quick hug, the type our entire family easily shared, and I wished he would’ve held on a second or two longer. I wanted his arms around me, longed for his lips against mine. We needed to find an empty room because there was no way I’d make it through the entire day without at least a kiss hello. It’d taken me longer than it had Gabe, but now that I’d become more open, it was impossible to lock those feelings away.
“Everything okay?” Gabe kept his voice low, not that it was necessary because the house was loud with the various conversations taking place.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I cocked my head to the side, motioning for Gabe to follow me up the narrow stairs to the second floor. We wouldn’t have much time, but I wanted?—no, I needed?—to tell him about my chat with Dad this morning. Not only to warn him Dad knew about us, but also to hopefully show him that I was trying to be honest about our relationship.
We ducked into the spare bedroom at the opposite end of the hall from the bathroom. No one should be this far down the hall until later tonight, and then only if someone decided they’d rather drive home in the morning.
As soon as the door closed, I pressed Gabe against the wall. He gasped, caught off guard by my determination. Our lips crashed together and I fought the need to grind my dick against his. It was going to be hard enough to explain red, swollen lips. I was pretty sure we’d be busted if we walked down with that just-fucked look on our faces and the spare room reeking like sex.
“That was one hell of a hello,” Gabe said when we broke the kiss in favor of breathing. He ran his hand along my side and my back arched towards him. I couldn’t wait until we got back to school and had the freedom to do whatever we wanted. “Thought you said no PDA while we were home.”
