Fine, so maybe I should take Jordan’s advice and get back on the horse, so to speak. I was also nervous about heading back there, because I had spent years relentlessly pursuing Rusty—the slightly overweight, sexy in an unconventional way, owner of the bar. I wasn’t sure I trusted myself to tone down the flirtation now that I was in a relationship. And how would I respond if he asked me to fool around? He’d been the object of my obsession for so long, I worried I would cave.
Yeah, fat chance that would ever happen, the voice in my head scoffed.If he had wanted you, he would’ve taken you up on one of the hundreds of times you propositioned him.
My conscience wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to turn him down.
“You’re starting to worry me,” Jordan said, interrupting my freak out. “Twenty minutes, Slade. Don’t try and weasel your way out of this. We’re going to go out, I’m going to repay you for the last time when you got me utterly shitfaced, and you’re going to tell me what’s got you tied up in knots.”
“Fine. But could we skip the getting shitfaced part?” Knowing my luck, the night Jack decided to sneak into my apartment, would be the night I was too wasted to get it up. No thank you. No night out with a buddy was worth missing out on that.
“We’ll see. No promises. Twenty minutes.” Without giving me a chance to say anything else, Jordan disconnected the call. I walked across the bedroom and started rummaging through my dresser, trying to find something decent enough to be seen in public without looking like I was on the prowl. I opted for a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie with my combat boots. Comfortable, with the casual air of having put no thought into the evening.
As I finished getting dressed, my stomach churned. Jack hadn’t set any rules about whether I was allowed to go out with friends, but, for some reason, it didn’t feel right going out without him knowing. But what would it say if I texted him to get permission, and that wasn’t something he expected of me? Every time I felt like I had a firm grasp on how relationships like this worked, something came up that threw me into a tailspin.
I heard the front door open and my heart leaped. For a second, I thought maybe Jack had taken the night off work so we could spend time together, and I wouldn’t be subjected to the inquisition from Jordan. When my best friend’s form appeared in the hall outside my bedroom, my shoulders slumped forward. I really shouldn’t be upset about spending the night with him, but dammit, I missed my Daddy.
“While that’s certainly a look, I think you’d be more comfortable if you were wearing both boots,” Jordan quipped. I looked down at my feet and realized that, yes, I was only wearing one boot. Fuck. I really needed to get my shit together. Jordan quickly crossed the room, grabbing me by my shoulders, and leading me over to the bed. “What’s wrong, Slade?”
“You’ll think I’m stupid,” I muttered.
“I promise, I won’t. You can talk to me about anything, you know that.” I nodded, because Jordan has always been the one person who I could say anything to without worrying about his reaction. And it wasn’t like I had to worry that he’d think my relationship with Jack was perverted or disgusting.
“I’m old enough that I should know how these things work.”
“What things would those be?” Jordan asked as he sat next to me at the end of the bed. He draped an arm over my shoulder, and I leaned into his side. He used to be the more tactile of the two of us, but ever since that first night with Jack, I found myself craving a physical connection.
“Relationships,” I clarified.
“Well, even if you understood how normal relationships worked, I’m pretty sure that’s not what you and Jack have, is it?” I shook my head. “So why don’t you tell me what it is that has you upset, and, if I can, I’ll help you work through it. I’m not an expert by any means, but I’ve gotten to know Jack a bit, and I do know two other demanding Daddies.”
“He set these rules for me,” I explained. “And they help, but sometimes they confuse me, too.”
“What sort of rules?” I could hear the amusement in Jordan’s voice.
“Not those kinds of rules, you freak,” I teased him. I sagged deeper into Jordan’s embrace. “Honestly, I think it’d be easier for me to deal with if he’d told me I had to wear a cock cage every damn day. Instead, he tells me shit like he expects me to eat real food, get a good night of sleep, and other boring shit. The worst part is, I dig it. I never understood it before, but I’m starting to see why you like it when Doug and Eli take charge.”
“Nope,” Jordan scolded me. “You’re not changing the subject on me now. What exactly is it that has you pale and staring at your phone like it’s going to explode in your hand?”
“I never used to give a shit what anyone thought, and I liked not having to answer to anyone. But, as I was getting ready, I wondered if I’m supposed to text Jack to let him know I’m going out.” My cheeks burned, and, even though I knew Jordan would understand, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I’d have given anything for this to not be so fucking complicated. “Do I need to ask him if it’s okay?”
“Well, I suppose it depends on if that’s something you want from him,” Jordan responded. “I mean, it’s not something that’s for everyone, but there’s also nothing wrong if you want to give him that sort of control.”
“But I’ve never been the type to ask permission,” I reminded him.
“Just because you haven’t in the past doesn’t mean you can’t in the future. Tell me this, would it make you feel better if you texted Jack to ask him if you could hang out with me tonight?” He waited a few beats before adding, “I promise, I won’t think any less of you if you say yes.”
I shrugged, considering my answer. Hell, Jordan was here tonight because one of his Daddies suggested to him that we hang out. It wouldn’t really be that much different if I texted Jack to see if he was okay with me going out to the bar tonight.
“I mean, sort of,” I finally admitted. “Is it wrong that part of me wants him to say I can’t go to certain bars anymore?”
“I’m starting to understand what this is all about.” Jordan gave my shoulder a squeeze. “It’s not about the band, is it?”
I shook my head. “I haven't done this relationship thing before, Jordan.” It sucked to admit that, even to my best friend. “What if I go into The Ginger and everything is like it used to be?”
“The fact you're even thinking like that, tells me you have nothing to worry about, Slade.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Jordan placed a hand over my chest. “Because as much as you try to hide from everyone else, I know you. You have an amazing heart. In fact, I think that's why you always shied away from relationships.”
