There was no point in getting ahead of myself. I had the start of one ballad that may or may not suck. Even if it was good, I wasn’t sure there was a market for it. My shoulders slumped as the voice of self-doubt shouted over the melody.
Who in the hell was I fooling? Just because I’d managed to pull my shit together for a single day, didn’t mean I was ready to grab life by the balls and make it my bitch.
“I was wondering where you'd run off to.” I jumped at the sound of Jack's voice behind me, the pen in my hand scratching across the paper. When I attempted to stash the notebook under the couch, Jack captured my wrist. “What's that?”
“It's just something I was working on this morning,” I told him.
“Can I see?” I glanced over my shoulder at Jack as he sat on the couch behind me, straddling my body. I shook my head, and he let out a disappointed sigh.
“It's nothing personal,” I quickly told him. “I don't usually show my projects to anyone. Not even my bandmates get to see anything until it's polished. I mean, my former bandmates.”
Saying those words out loud felt like a punch to the gut. I was finally accepting that being a part of the band was my past, not my future. Whatever I did from here out, I’d have to do it on my own.
Jack tugged the hair tie out of my hair and began finger combing it. I leaned my head back, allowing my eyes to drift shut.
“If you keep that up, I'm going to think you're only with me because you're fixated on playing with my hair,” I teased him.
Jack leaned down, nibbling on my earlobe then the side of my neck. “Boy, if you really think that, then you haven't been paying attention at all.”
He slid a hand down my chest, tugging up the hem of the t-shirt I had thrown on because I was cold. I arched my back as his hand drifted higher, his fingertips teasing over my nipple. He twisted hard, sucking on my neck until I was certain there would be a mark later.
Now that I had allowed self-doubt into my head, I found myself struggling to silence it. “It makes about as much sense as anything else.”
My head jostled as Jack wrapped my hair around his hand before tugging backward so I was forced to look at him. “None of that. I was standing over there, watching you scribble in your notebook for almost five minutes. It felt like a gift, getting to see a glimpse of you in the zone, so passionate about something that you were oblivious to everything around you. You were like a totally different boy than the one I met at the party.”
“Not really,” I argued. “Still the same wreck trying to find any way to avoid reality.”
The lie felt bitter as it passed my lips. Why in the hell couldn’t I be normal? I wanted to go back in time to when I woke up and everything felt good for a change. What the hell was wrong with me that I constantly had to find a way to sabotage myself?
“Do we need to go back to the bedroom for a lesson in what happens when you lie to me?” My dick reacted to the growly, demanding tone of Jack’s voice.
I pressed my lips shut to keep from begging him. Something told me I wouldn’t like whatever punishment he had in mind.
Instead, I slumped back against the couch, resting my head on Jack’s thigh. He continued running a hand over my hair. “You can’t expect everything to change like a light switch turning on, Slade. There is nothing wrong with you.”
For a moment, I thought I had spoken the words aloud. Jack leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the side of my head. “Last night was intense. You’re still trying to come back to center.”
“Center?”
“Think of your emotions as a pendulum,” Jack explained. He continued massaging my scalp, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the low timbre of his voice. “You were at one extreme before. You felt lost and hopeless. But then, last night, I took you out of that. You were able to forget everything, even if only for a little while. You soared, letting excitement drown everything else.”
“You sure think highly of yourself,” I scoffed.
He spoke the truth, but I couldn’t hand over the power to Jack. If he knew how much of an effect he had on me, I would be vulnerable and even more desperate when he eventually left. Because, as amazing as last night had been, and as badly as I wanted to believe everything he had whispered about keeping me, there was still that nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me this would never last. Once Jack and I said goodbye, he would see how much of a drain I was on his life.
Jack tightened his fist in the back of my hair again. “This is your last warning, boy. Don’t lie to me again.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” I argued.
“So, you’re just being a cheeky little shit this morning?”
“Maybe.” Was that a lie? Would he see it that way? “Okay, so maybe I am struggling a little bit to believe this is all real. You keep talking about more than just whatever happened last night, but I don’t do relationships.”
“Just because you haven’t in the past, doesn’t mean you’re destined for a lonely life,” Jack argued. The knot in my gut loosened. The way Jack talked made me want more out of life.
I twisted around so I could kneel at Jack’s feet, facing him. “Yes, last night was fucking mind-blowing. I still don’t understand why I liked a lot of it is much as I did, and that’s scary. I let you tell me what to do and didn’t tell you to get lost. You might not realize it, but that’shugefor me.”
“You don’t have to have all the answers right away, Slade. When was the last time you simply allowed yourself to feel without second-guessing everything?” Jack’s hands wandered across my body. It wasn’t sexual, but every caress was more intimate than anything I’d ever experienced.
