“And yet you made me clean my entire apartment,” Slade pointed out. “I didn’twantto clean today, but you told me I had to if I wanted you to come back tonight.”
“I seem to remember I told you to take a break,” I corrected him. “You are the one who decided to go above and beyond.” I paused, scrubbing at my chin. “That reminds me, I owe you a punishment for that?”
“A punishment for finishing the list you gave me? That’s sort of fucked up, dude.”
“Dude? Let’s get one thing clear right now,boy.I’m not your dude, your buddy, your bro, or any other stupid nickname guys your age use for their friends. You may call me Jack, Sir, Daddy, or even Asshole, but I amnota dude.” I leaned in, biting Slade’s earlobe. He hissed and his protests fell flat as his hips arched off the counter. I clamped my teeth down harder to see how he would react. He squirmed, reaching down to cup his erection. I curled my fingers around his wrist, yanking his hand away from his body. “Focus, boy. We are going to finish talking and then, if we are both in agreement and you behave yourself, I promise I will take you to bed and give you exactly what you need.”
“I’d be able to think a lot better if you quit teasing me.” Slade slid his hands over my chest. “Maybe you could give me a little taste of what sort of reward you have in mind. That might help me focus.”
I removed Slade’s hands from my body, twisting them around until they were pinned behind his back. “Nice try, boy. I’m getting way too many mixed signals from you to do anything just yet.”
“I want you to fuck me,” Slade said bluntly. “Is that a clear enough message for you?”
“But is that theonlything you want from me?” I had no clue what I would do if he said yes. I had meant it when I told him I wasn’t a fan of casual sex. Sure, it was a way to achieve orgasm, but it was rarely satisfying for me. I needed the freedom to tease my boy. I wanted him to relinquish control to me—hand his body over to me like a gift.
“I don’t even know how to answer that,” Slade admitted. “Do I want you to fuck me and then take off? No. But I don’t want the mess that comes along with more.”
“More doesn’t always have to be problematic,” I told him. “That’s why I insist on constant communication. If something changes for you, I want to know. If you need more than what I’m giving you, you need to tell me. If I’m moving too fast and things are too intense, I want you to feel confident telling me that, too.”
“I’m probably never going to give you a straight answer. Too much shit up here.” Slade knocked on the side of his head. “I don’t think it’s possible for me to have a healthy relationship, because I’m always thinking about everyone in my family and how fucked up they are. The worst part about that is you actually have me wanting to try.”
“And why is that a bad thing?”
“Because I’ve gotten this far in life, swearing I don’twanta relationship. That I don’tneeda partner to feel whole and content,” he admitted. This time, I didn’t stop him when he worried his lip. It was an unconscious comfort for him, and he needed that. For now. “But today, I started thinking about how it would feel if you weren’t coming back just to check up on me.”
“That’s not why I said I’d be back tonight,” I clarified. Handing him a task list was a way to see if he was interested in pursuing the type of relationship I needed, because I was too much of a coward to simply ask him. The way my ex left had done a real number on my confidence, and that was a bitter pill to swallow.
I cupped Slade’s face in my hands. His breathing grew rapid and shallow. He whimpered when I remained still, my face a mere inch away from his. As much as I wanted to taste him again, I waited. And waited until, finally, the anticipation became unbearable. As soon as my lips closed over his, I pressed my tongue into his mouth. I twisted his hair in my fists, holding him captive as I drank my fill. “I’m here because I wanted to do that the first time I saw you, but I wanted to make sure you remembered how good it was.”
“Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?” Slade quipped, still gasping to catch his breath.
Hell yes, I was confident. As cliché as it sounded, the attraction had been palpable. If the party had been for anyone else, I would have ditched and taken him with me. “Was I wrong?”
“No.” The corner of his mouth turned up, and his eyes sparkled with amusement. “I’d bet there are other things that would be even better.”
“Not until we’re done talking.”
Slade glared at me. “What do you want to talk about now? Aren’t you talked out yet?”
“What’s the worst that could happen if we see where this could lead?” I ignored his pouting and huffing. If he admitted to his fear, maybe it wouldn’t seem so consuming.
“Eventually, you’re going to realize I’m too much work,” he insisted. “Or, you’re going to realize how much better you could do than a loser with no job, no band, and no fucking idea how he’s going to pay the bills once his savings are gone. Iwantmore than just sex from you, but I can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen when it all falls apart.”
“So, stop dwelling on whatcouldhappen, Slade.” It was that simple. I watched him as I stepped back into the space between his legs, waiting for any sign of hesitation. When he gave me none, I took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. If I was asking Slade to jump in with both feet, I had to be willing to do the same.
Slade shivered when my breath ghosted over his skin. I whispered, “You aren’t the only one who’s afraid, boy. But let me take care of you. Let me help you.”
I nearly stumbled backward when Slade pressed his body against mine.
“I’ll try,” he promised me. He kissed his way up the length of my neck, wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders. “Don’t give up on me, even if I tell you to go away. It’s the fear talking.”
“I can’t promise I won’t slow down to check in with you, Slade. I don’t ever want to make you feel like you can’t speak up.”
“Because of what happened before?”
I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat.
“I want to do right by you,” I said when I finally found my voice.
