I swear, I’m trying.
That was enough. I hit the call button, counting the number of rings and gearing myself up to hear Slade’s outgoing voicemail message.
“Oh. Hey,” he answered. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I know you said you had meetings this afternoon. I do this sometimes. Just ask Jordan. I swear he ends up putting me on mute, so he doesn’t have to hear his phone going off constantly.”
“Boy,” I said firmly, interrupting his insecure monologue. “Take a breath, would you?”
“Sorry,” Slade apologized.
“Don’t apologize.” I focused on the tone of my voice, trying to keep it light and reassuring. “Breathe with me, Slade.”
I guided him through a couple of quick breathing exercises. After almost a minute, he exhaled audibly. “Wow. Thought shit like that was a load of crap but it really worked.”
“Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, much better. Thanks.”
“Glad to hear it. Now, I think it’s time for you to take a break.”
“But I haven’t gotten everything on your list done yet,” he protested. “I want to show you that I am taking you seriously.”
This was a boy who was completely starved for affection and affirmation. There were red flags flying all over the place. I shouldn’t be this invested in his well-being when we had only met a day ago. He shouldn’t be freaking out about how I would react. And the way his mood flipped, worried me. There was more going on in Slade’s head than I could possibly help him with, and I wasn’t sure he was in the right mental space for getting involved with someone like me.
“I want you to listen to me, Slade,” I told him. I settled onto one of the couches in the common area, kicking my feet up on the ottoman. “I don’t expect perfection from you. I know I gave you more tasks today than you would be able to complete.”
“So, you’re admitting you set me up for failure? If you weren’t interested, you could have just said so. You didn’t need to go on a power trip first.” Trying to keep up with Slade’s mood swings was going to give me whiplash.
“I promise you, Slade, that isn’t what I was doing.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. I was out of practice when it came to dealing with needy boys. “Was I confident you would complete the list? No. But I had faith that you would do the best you could, and that is all I can ask of you. That’s all I would ever ask of you.”
“Wow. Okay. But what are you going to do if I don’t get everything done? Now that you’ve told me you already knew I wouldn’t be able to get through everything today, what if I say screw it and don’t do anything else until you get here?” The emotional pendulum was coming back to center. I bit back my amusement.
“Well, I suppose there’s nothing stopping you from slacking off the rest of the day. But even if I didn’t know, you would. And I don’t think you are going to disobey me like that blatantly, are you,boy?” I placed a heavy dose of emphasis on the last word, reminding him of what he’d asked of me, even if he hadn’t fully realized what that would entail.
“No.” Slade let out a disgruntled huff. “I still don’t understand why I’m listening to you in the first place.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I really don’t,” Slade argued. “I could’ve told you to fuck off when you texted me that list.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “You absolutely could have. But you didn’t. And do you want to know why that is?”
“Oh yes, please enlighten me.” It was a good thing we were having this conversation over the phone, because I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to hide my amusement with Slade if he was standing in front of me. He was still a brat. But now that I was beginning to understand him a little bit more, I didn’t think he was going out of his way to be disrespectful. This was yet another coping mechanism of his.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I think you want exactly what you know I can give you. You don’t want to have to make decisions or deal with the boring day-to-day tasks. It’s much easier for you to accomplish things when you convince yourself you’re doing it because someone else asked you to. And, deep down, I think the idea of being taken care of appeals to you.”
“Maybe,” Slade agreed reluctantly. “But it’s probably stupid for me to say that to you, huh?”
“Why would you think that?” I wanted to hear why Slade thought he was being careless.
“Because I don’t know you. What if you are some possessive asshole? What if you’re doing all of this as a way to manipulate me? What if it turns out you really are a sadistic fuck who gets off on brainwashing the guys you’re with?”
“You seem to have thought about this quite a bit,” I remarked.
“Probably more than I should,” he admitted. “Can’t help it. I spend enough time alone in my apartment that I have plenty of time to come up with all these worst-case scenarios. Probably doesn’t help that I am addicted to true crime shows when I’m not watching documentaries.”
“Speaking of…” I paused, trying to figure out how to phrase my next question. Things seemed to be going well with Slade for the moment, and I didn’t want to push too far, too fast. “Have you considered the last item on your list?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
