“I told you, it’s just being here,” I insisted when he didn’t believe that nothing was wrong.
“Bullshit,” he countered. “You knew what you were getting into. When I tried talking you out of taking a job here, you told me it was meant to be. You swore it was a sign of your life coming full circle.”
I wanted to tell him about Michael and Jagger, but I couldn’t. Matt had put up with so much of my nonsensical rambling over the years that I kept waiting for him to tell me I’d officially lost my mind. And I hadn’t, because I knew my mind was playing tricks on me. Jagger looked to be about six years old, which meant he was born about the time my old life ended. The rumbling timbre of Michael’s voice reminded me of the voice in my dream, the one that led me to rise above the shitty hand I’d been dealt. All those things meant was I’d taken Dr. Rutherford’s words too much to heart. I’d lost the ability to walk through life without trying to find connections and meaning that weren’t there.
“Dax, I know you,” Matt reminded me. “If being in Marshall is going to fuck you in the head, it’s not too late to tell them you can’t take the job. We can drive your shit back to Franklin and you can take back your old room.”
His voice had taken that soothing tone he got when he was worried I was about to go over the edge again. It didn’t happen often, but there had been a period shortly after we moved in together when I hadn’t been making the best decisions. It was right around the anniversary of my accident, and I’d been dealing with the stress of my upcoming finals and the past had bitten me in the ass. All of that led to a temporary slide back into old habits. Since then, he’d taken it upon himself to worry about me.
“It’s nothing like that,” I promised him. “I still think it’ll be good for me to be here, but I may have overestimated my ability to slide into town without thinking about everything.”
Matt dropped his inquisition as we pulled into the Target parking lot. He was focused on his mission as he sailed through the aisles tossing linens, accessories, chemicals, and who knew what else into the cart. I groaned as he pushed the overflowing cart to the checkout. I wasn’t looking forward to the credit card bill, but it was all shit I needed.
“Put that away,” he scolded when I pulled out my wallet. “Consider this a housewarming gift. Like I keep telling you, I know you. If I didn’t get this stuff for you, you wouldn’t get any of it. You need something to make that house less depressing. It’s time for you to have a real home.”
“Aww, thanks, honey,” I teased. “I don’t know how I’ll survive without you around every day to take care of me.”
“It’ll be tough, but you’ll manage.” I followed him out of the store and helped him find places to shove all the bags. “So, do you want to tell me what’s really bugging you?”
“No,” I said firmly. “Like I said, it all boils down to trying to get used to a new place. I’ll get over it.”
And I would. I wasn’t the weak screwup of my past. I’d conquered bigger demons than my own wandering mind. I could do it this time, too.
