Dax
Stay with me. As long as I lived, I wasn’t sure I’d ever forget the strained plea from Michael. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Even though I was unconscious at the time, I knew as clearly as I knew my name that I’d heard that same insistent request from him the night of the accident.
But I couldn’t stay. I was worn out and had to work in the morning. If I stayed, I’d be awake all night trying to make sure I didn’t push too far.
I rested my forehead against the doorframe, hoping he wouldn’t get the wrong impression from my refusal. “I shouldn’t. Not tonight.”
“Okay.” He tried to hide the bitterness and hurt, but it was definitely there. Although it was a horrible idea for us to stay together when our decisions were being ruled by such fierce emotion, I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him think it was because I wasn’t interested in staying.
I turned to face him and crooked a finger to urge him closer to me. My hands settled on his hips, which felt like a completely natural gesture between us, and I pulled him close enough that our bodies were touching. “I want to stay. Really, I do,” I promised him. “But the first time I spend the night with you, it’s going to be because we’re so crazy about one another that we can’t stand to be apart. Tonight, there are too many raw emotions out there, and I don’t want you to regret asking me to stay because of what’s been shared tonight.”
“I won’t,” he argued. He placed his hands over my chest and stared at them. There was a hint of wonder in his gaze, like he couldn’t believe we were actually standing in his foyer holding one another. Neither could I, to be quite honest. And I couldn’t help but once again feel like there was a reason for our closeness.
“You say that, but you can’t be sure,” I reminded him. “Not to sound like a dick, but you’ve pushed away everyone you’ve connected to that night in your mind. That’s not fair to anyone, including yourself, and I won’t let you do it to me.”
“I won’t,” he insisted again. “I know I’ve screwed up in the past, but I won’t do it anymore. It probably makes me sound insane, but knowing that it’s you and you’re back in my life helps. You’ve made me see just how wrong I was to push everyone away. You’ve made me realize they were all right to tell me it wasn’t my fault and that I can’t punish myself forever.”
“That’s good, but I still think both of us need to go and try to get some sleep,” I told him. I wasn’t backing down on this.
“We can do that here. Together.” He wound his arms tightly around my waist and pulled me tight against his chest. “I’m not asking you to stay so we can fuck or anything like that. I just need you next to me.”
“Okay.” I hated how quickly I caved to his desires. “But I’m serious, we can’t be together until we’re both sure it’s for the right reasons. I won’t destroy our friendship just so we can get off.”
I had to hold on to the mantra Dr. Rutherford had given me when I was healing.Everything in life happens for a reason. You might not understand why at first, but if you’re patient, you’ll figure it out. Michael was my why. For six years, I’d been obsessed with wanting to thank the man who’d saved my life, and fate had led me not only to the town where he lived, but straight into his life. Into his arms. Never mind the fact that he’d always thought himself to be straight, there we stood in his house, comforting one another. Therehadto be a reason for that.
Michael nodded in agreement, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. Not fully. That was fine. We had time to get him to see that I was right on this.
I brushed my lips over the corner of his mouth. It wasn’t a heated, passionate kiss, but it was still better than any other kiss I could remember. I tasted the remnants of beer on his lips, so foreign for the guy who rarely drank. His body swayed and he pressed his chest to mine, arms wrapping around behind my back. He pulled me into an embrace so tight I knew he was trying to convince himself he wasn’t dreaming. I felt the same way.
The kiss deepened slowly and I allowed him to take the lead. His tongue poked at the seam of my lips, as if he was requesting entrance rather than demanding. I opened to him and felt the searing heat as he pressed into my mouth. His tongue twisted around mine, trying to get deeper. I ran my hands up his spine and turned my head slightly to allow him easier access. By the time we pulled apart, the world seemed to have slowed around us. Our breathing had become heavy, but slow.
“I need to go home and get some clothes if I’m staying here,” I pointed out as I pulled away.
“You’ll be back?” Michael asked nervously.
“I promise.” I placed a soft kiss to his lips before turning to walk away.
Michael stood on the porch and watched as I walked down the cobblestone path leading to the sidewalk. I turned and saw him leaning against the support post. I quickened my pace, not wanting to be apart from him any longer than necessary.
When I got back to the house, all the lights were off. I turned the knob, knowing Michael was likely already in bed, and smiled when it turned. I closed the door softly behind me and flipped the lock as I toed out of my shoes.
I found Michael waiting, exactly as I expected him, in his bed. He had the sheets clutched so tightly to his chest that I wondered if he was having second thoughts.
“I was worried you weren’t going to come back,” he admitted. I dropped my bag in the corner of the room and pulled off my hoodie. I’d changed into more comfortable clothes while I’d been home because there was no way I was going to sleep next to him in just my underwear.
He folded back the blanket on the other side of the bed and I slid in next to him, trying to keep plenty of distance between us. Unfortunately, Michael was having none of that. After turning out the light, he scooted closer to me and draped his arm over my waist. It was almost comical how restless he was as he tried to keep our upper bodies in contact while maintaining distance from the waist down.
“Thank you for changing your mind,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “I promise, the only thing I want is to know you’re here.”
I laced my fingers with his and gave them a squeeze. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll let me.”
* * *
Morning came far too soon.The sun was too bright and the alarm too shrill. The only good thing about the morning was the warm body pressed against my back. At some point in the night, Michael had given up on trying to distance himself in any way, and now I was going to have to wrestle my way out of the tangle of limbs if I was going to get up to pee. I ignored my bladder, not ready to pry myself away from him.
The old me would have called in, told the principal I needed a sub, but I hadn’t been that man for a long time. It’d be irresponsible to call in just so I could put off saying goodbye to Michael for as long as possible. I knew this was the last time we’d really have to spend together until the following week. I threw off my blankets and stumbled out of bed before I could retreat to my old ways. I turned the shower as hot as my skin could stand it and stepped under the spray. By the time I got out and dried off, I felt slightly more human.
Michael had gotten out of bed and was on his way to the kitchen. He stopped when I opened the door. “Hey, I wanted to apologize for breaking down last night. I’ve avoided talking about that night, and once I started I couldn’t stop.”
