When our lips gently pressed together, I let out a sigh and his body stiffened. We both relaxed and began nipping and licking at each other’s mouths, but not really deepening the kiss.
His lips were firm, not soft like Erica’s were. He was only the second person I’d ever kissed, and it was a heady feeling. His resistance quickly faded and I thought I heard him moan. His back arched and I slid my arms around to support him. His muscles rippled every time my lips made contact with his. I had no clue what I was doing here, but I needed more. I finally bolstered my courage to deepen the kiss and felt the harsh slap of rejection when Dax pushed me away. “Michael, stop.”
I pulled away, wishing we were at his place so I could walk out the door rather than face whatever I had coming to me. I’d fucked up. Big time. And like so many other times in my life, I feared I’d gotten into it so deep I couldn’t save myself.
“I’m sorry.” My voice cracked. I stumbled backward, mortified at what I’d just done.
I felt his fingers brush against my arm and finally looked up at him. He wasn’t angry with me, but he did look perplexed. That made two of us, because that single kiss left me more confused than I’d been before. I wanted him. I wanted him to show me what it was like to not fight what you felt for someone, even when you were scared.
“What in the hell was that?” The shock must’ve been wearing off, because now he did seem pissed at me. His nostrils flared as he struggled to steady his breathing. He cracked his knuckles and I steeled myself, expecting him to hit me. “I don’t fucking get you, Michael. What in the world were you thinking?”
I could tell him it was a mistake, a spur of the moment bad decision, but I couldn’t because it was neither. Even though I could easily be getting ready to watch him walk out of my life, I couldn’t regret it. It was an awakening of sorts. That left me faced with telling him the truth. “I have no clue.”
“You have no clue what it was or why you did it?” he prodded when I didn’t offer anything further. He lifted his fingers to his lips and trailed over the skin. I gaped at him, wondering if he was remembering how my lips felt against his.
“I know what it was, you ass. What I don’t understand is why I did it. I felt like I had to because I can’t get you out of my head,” I admitted. I felt alive in a way I hadn’t in a long time, as if something as simple as a kiss from him could breathe life into my soul. “I’ve been trying to ignore it since the morning after you first watched Jagger because I told myself nothing could ever happen. But then, you were there on my couch, telling me there might be a chance in hell that you’d want the same things, and I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you.”
I was desperate and rambling, but I needed him to step away from the door. I’d already said more than I’d ever intended to share, and I couldn’t shake the fear that he’d turn and run if he wasn’t sitting in the living room next to me. It was light in there, and I hoped he could see the sincerity in my eyes. I’d let so many people go without a fight, but I couldn’t do it with him. I wouldn’t do it this time. I wasn’t sure why, but he was too important for me to forget about.
Dax reluctantly allowed me to lead him back into the living room and we settled onto opposite ends of the couch, and he’d never seemed further away. “Now we really need to talk about why I came over tonight,” he said without looking at me.
