Dax
Jagger had wanted me to walk to school with him and Michael on the first day of class, but I didn’t think that’d be the best decision. When I got my list of students, I found Jagger’s name at the bottom of the page. It was hard enough to explain to him that our relationship in the classroom wasn’t that of buddies; I didn’t want to cloud the situation by accompanying him to school. Plus, I had to be there earlier than he did. Not as early as I showed up, but I couldn’t help it. I was almost as excited and nervous about the new year as the kids were.
At seven forty on the dot, the floodgates opened, and the room quickly filled as parents brought their kids in for their first day. Had I thought about how many of them were going to want pictures of their kids with me, I might have done a little better at dressing up. As it was, I got a disapproving glare from the principal because I didn’t believe a kindergarten classroom was the place for a button-down shirt or tie. That man was so straitlaced, I could almost picture him ironing his underwear. Now, I felt underdressed in my slightly rumpled button-down shirt, jeans, and boots.
Five minutes before the starting bell rang, I began to worry. There was no sign of Michael and Jagger. The old thoughts about him being irresponsible started to creep back into my mind, but I pushed them away. He wasn’t irresponsible or unfit or any of the other degrading adjectives I’d attached to him in my mind when we first met. He was like most parents, just doing his best to get by from one day to the next.
I heard Jagger before I saw them, and he didn’t sound happy. That stung, because when we told him that he was in my class, he seemed excited. Now, he sounded terrified, as if he thought he was being abandoned with strangers. I excused myself and stepped into the hall, where I found Michael crouched in front of his son, trying to coax him into hanging his backpack on the hook beneath his cubby.
“Hey guys,” I greeted them. “I was worried you were going to make me face the first day alone.” Jagger looked at me skeptically and I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as I tried to urge him into the room. His feet were rooted to the floor and he didn’t budge.
“He’s got it in his head that I’ll forget to pick him up,” Michael informed me, his eyes downcast. Now that I understood his situation, I hated it when he got down on himself.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. I hoped that gesture told him everything I didn’t dare say with so many people in the hall. I wanted to tell him he was a good man, no matter what he thought of himself, that he was a good father, but I also didn’t want to show that we knew one another outside of school. I knew that was stupid since it was a small town and everyone seemed to know everyone else, but I was the new guy still trying to find my footing. And part of me worried that if anyone figured out we were friends, they’d also realize that I had a bit of crush on him.
I turned my focus to Jagger, because he and I needed to get into the classroom. “Hey, you know he’ll be here,” I told him. “And if something happens and he’s not, do you think I’d let you sit here alone?”
Jagger shook his head and sniffled. A kid from the room across the hall snickered and I thought I heard him call Jagger a big baby, but I’d deal with that later. He wasn’t the only kid who was having an emotional morning, and I wasn’t about to let anyone make any kid feel like there was something wrong with them if they weren’t giddy about doing something new.
“Okay, so what do you say we go in and show your dad what a big boy you are? I promise, he’ll be here at three o’clock to pick you up,” I told Jagger. Jagger smiled then, knowing that I didn’t make promises often.
“Okay.” Jagger wrapped his hand around my index finger. “Do I have to call you Mr. Collins? ’Cuz it’s going to be hard and I might forget. You won’t get mad at me, will you?”
I chuckled, because he’d been trying so hard to remember, to the point where he was referring to me formally even when we were sprawled out on the floor playing, which was pretty much every day. “Yeah, you do have to call me Mr. Collins. But if you mess up, we’ll get through it. Right?”
“Right.” Jagger’s anxiety over his dad leaving him alone faded, so much so that he didn’t even give Michael a second glance as the bell rang and I led Jagger into the classroom. As I instructed the kids to find their places at the tables, I looked back toward the door and saw Michael watching Jagger closely. I never would have pegged him for being the parent who couldn’t let go. He looked so sad as he leaned against the wall, I wanted to rush out there, hug him, and tell him it’d all be okay. It wasn’t until long after he left that I realized his emotions may have been because this was a milestone in Jagger’s life that Erica wasn’t around to see.
Unfortunately, that realization hit just before lunch, when all the kids were talking about the lunches their moms packed. Not their parents, their moms. Jagger said his dad made him a sandwich, grapes, and a bag of fruit snacks, and one of the little shits started arguing that daddies don’t make lunches, mommies do. That had Jagger pulling away from the group with tears in his eyes. I knew Zeke didn’t mean anything by his statement, but they all needed to learn to get along, and to learn that not every family looked the same.
As we walked to the lunchroom, I felt bad for thinking of one of my students as a little shit, but I couldn’t help it. He kind of was. It’d quickly become apparent that he was the golden boy in his family and that he’d never heard the word no in his life. He was in for a rude awakening in this classroom because no kid, not even Jagger, was any more special than another.
“How’s the first day going?” one of the other teachers asked as we made our way to the lounge for fifteen minutes of peace and quiet. He held out his hand. “I’m Justin Fox.”
“Dax Collins, but I’m assuming you knew that since you know I’m the new guy,” I responded. There was something in the way Justin looked at me that made me uncomfortable. It was as if he thought that, if he stared hard enough, he could uncover the secrets I hadn’t told anyone in this town. There weren’t many of them, but there were two in particular that I didn’t want to be public knowledge.
“You look familiar,” he said after an uncomfortable pause. “Have you been here before? Maybe as a sub?”
“Nope, this is my first year teaching,” I told him. God, I hated myself for saying that out loud. Not only was I at the bottom of the seniority totem pole around here, I had also just admitted that I was truly a rookie.
“Hmm, my mistake. I could swear I knew you from somewhere.” He shrugged and I thought that was to be the end of our short yet painful attempt at conversation, but he leaned against the wall next to me and followed my gaze. I couldn’t stop myself from watching over Jagger, trying to make sure no one else gave him a hard time. “You have Jagger Underwood in your class, right?”
“Yeah, he’s a good kid,” I responded, smiling as I saw him sharing his grapes with Matilda, the little girl next to him.
“God, I hope he stays that way,” Justin said, more to himself than to me. I bristled, wondering where he was going with this particular vein of conversation. “He’s so young and already been dealt a shit hand. I know his dad’s doing the best he can, but he’s not always the most reliable person in the world.”
“I’ve met Michael,” I informed him, turning so I faced away from the students. There was a hell of a lot more that I wanted to add, but I couldn’t go on the defensive my first day.
Something in my posture must’ve tipped Justin off to the fact that I wasn’t open to hearing rumor mill gossip about one my student’s parents, because he held up his hands in surrender.
“Look, I’m not trying to bag on the guy. He’s been through a lot. I’m just saying he can be a bit scattered since his wife died. Youdidknow about that, right? I mean, I would hope he told you, because I’m sure Jagger is still struggling with it, and that may impact his behavior in the classroom.”
I sucked in and held a deep breath, thinking carefully about what I wanted to say. If I wasn’t cautious, I’d wind up laying all my cards on the table and I didn’t want to do that. Justin was quickly working his way into the assholes of the world category, and I wasn’t going to play into his games.
“Yes, I’ve been informed of Jagger’s situation at home,” I assured him, hoping it sounded like I was grateful to him for trying to look out for me. “And as I told Michael, Jagger will be fine. He’s young, so while it’s a change for him, he’ll adapt. As long as no one tries to make him feel as though he’s lacking in some way, this will eventually be normal for him.”
“Yeah, as long as he doesn’t get hit by a car first,” Justin muttered under his breath as turned to where the principal had just called for him. I watched the two of them talking, heads bowed close together, and wondered what their deal was. It was a good thing he had walked away and we were here to set a good example, because his last statement had me wanting to knock his head off his shoulders. It didn’t matter that I’d once thought the same thing about Michael’s ability to parent, but now that I knew better and we’d become friends, I’d be damned if anyone was going to degrade him that way.
I managed to avoid Justin the rest of the day. When the kids were in music class, I debated calling Michael to find out if the two of them knew one another, but figured it was best to lie low for the time being. I’d keep my ears open, and if things escalated or Justin continued trying to convince me that Jagger was somehow deficient because he only had one parent, then I’d have no choice but to say something.
