Michael
“Ican’t believe you’re not home,” Erica screeched. I considered hanging up the phone and telling her I’d been going through a dead zone, but that’d just piss her off even more. She’d always been a moody, spoiled brat, but lately she was insufferable.
As I drove past one of the few houses along the stretch of dark road, I thought about how much better off we’d both be if I cut her loose. She wasn’t a bad person, but she was high maintenance. She deserved someone who could be there for her when she needed them, which was way too often for my schedule. Between school, working part-time, and volunteering as an EMT, I was pretty much maxed out on time. If only she could understand that life would eventually settle down, we’d be fine, but I didn’t see that happening.
“Are you even listening to me?” she demanded. For the first time in over ten minutes, I saw a single headlight in the distance.
“Yeah, I’m here,” I said, really not in the mood for a fight. I’d told her I’d be home by now, but then one of the other EMTs had a family emergency, so I was on my way in to take over for him. “Look, I know we were going to spend some time together, but Justin covers my shifts any time I need, and now it’s time to repay the favor. You know he wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.”
“Yeah, I get it.” She was seething. I could almost imagine her banging her fist into the plump arm on the suede love seat she insisted on buying when we’d moved in together. “Your life is more important than mine.”
“That’s not how it is and you know it,” I argued. “I’m sorry you feel neglected, but I’m not going to let Justin down.”
“God forbid you upset one of your buddies.” I rolled my eyes when she resorted to breathing heavily into the phone. Seriously, I wasn’t sure I could deal with this ramped up moodiness much longer. “I was going to tell you tonight, but I guess it’ll have to wait now.”
I hated the cryptic statements almost as much as the bitchiness. Almost. “Whatever it is, just tell me.”
“It’s not something for the phone,” she protested.
“Erica, don’t do this shit,” I warned her. If she kept going, I’d wind up saying something I’d regret because it’d been a long day already and I was sure it was going to be a long night. “If it’s important enough that you’re this upset about me picking up a shift, you need to tell me what’s going on. I love you, but I’m not going to be your punching bag when you decide to be a bitch.”
“I’m not being a bitch, you fucking asshole!” she shouted. I should have hung up the damn phone. This was going nowhere in a hurry.
“Really? Do you really think you’re being a mature adult right now?” I laughed. That was going to piss her off even more, but this was getting ridiculous. As silence hung across the line, I realized that she was the same girl she was when I fell in love with her in high school. And that was the crux of the problem; I had changed, but she hadn’t grown with me.
“You know what, fuck you, Michael! You have eight months to get your shit together and decide whether or not you’re man enough to be here for your family, or if your own life is more important than ours—”
My heart stopped. She couldn’t be saying what I thought she was. It wasn’t until I heard screeching tires that I realized I’d taken my attention off the road. I looked in my side mirror and saw a taillight in the field next to the road.
“Erica, we’ll talk later. I have to go,” I said, hoping she hadn’t mistaken the panic in my voice for being related to the bomb she’d just dropped on me. I’d explain it to her later.
Fuck. I knew better than to be on my phone when I was driving on this stretch of road.
“Hey, wake up.” I felt someone shaking me. The voice was vaguely familiar in my sleepy haze. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them against the early morning sun glaring in through the windows. “Dude, is this a nightly occurrence for you?”
I swallowed hard as realization dawned on me. Dax. He’d spent the night last night to help me with Jagger. And this wasn’t the first time he’d been in my room. Shit.
“I’m fine,” I insisted, unwilling to open my eyes and see the pity in his. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s okay,” he assured me. “After the first one, I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I was out there watching TV. I wasn’t going to pry, but I really think you need to talk to someone.”
The edge of the bed dipped and Dax gave my shoulder a friendly squeeze. He smelled good. His hand was warm against my arm.What. The. Fuck.
I had to still be dreaming. That was the only logical explanation for the fact that I was sitting here with a semi, thinking about how Dax smelled or how soft his hands were. Either that or it’d just been way too long since I’d gotten laid. Yeah, I missed sex, but I couldn’t bring myself to think about dating again, and going out for random, meaningless sex wasn’t really an option when I had to take care of Jagger.
“I told you, I’m fine,” I argued. As much as I was enjoying the contact, I jerked away from him. I didn’t understand a single thing about this morning. Not the reason for two nightmares in one night, not the fact that I didn’t want him to leave me without a fight, nothing.
“And I told you that you’re not,” he countered. “Look, you can lie to yourself if you want, but I have to tell you, if Jagger woke up hearing you scream the way I heard you, he’d be scared shitless. Do you really want to do that to him?”
No. I knew I was lucky he slept the way I used to, hard as a rock, because if he’d turned out to be a light sleeper, neither of us would get any sleep. The dreams weren’t as frequent as they used to be, but they still came, and there was no way to know what would trigger them.
Actually, there was if I was willing to sit down and really think about it. The night that haunted my dreams was the night I began to lose faith in my ability to help people. It set me on the path to a dead-end job I really didn’t like, especially on nights when the drunks were in full effect as they were last night. I hated the fact that I’d gone from wanting to be a doctor to being a bartender with no clue what else to do with my life.
“Fuck off,” I grumbled, rethinking my wish that Dax wouldn’t walk away without a fight. He needed to leave me alone to wallow in the misery that was my life.
“Whatever.” The edge of the bed lifted and I missed knowing he was there. I wanted to reach out to him, which again, made zero sense. I wasn’t attracted to guys. It was just desperation. “I’ll be out in the other room. Get some more sleep and I’ll feed Jagger breakfast.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I protested weakly. The truth was, as much as I loved him, I wouldn’t be ready to deal with Jagger and his chatter until I had a few more hours of sleep.
