“Baby, I’m going to head out for a while. Your parents are going to be up soon and I’d prefer to not be in the room when they get here.” Dom brushes his lips against mine. I hold his hand tightly, not ready to say goodbye yet. But, this is the way life has been since the day I woke up for good. No one has filled me in on the details, but my father isn’t pleased that I want Dom with me as much as possible, so they’ve worked out a schedule for who is with me when. “I’ll be back at six. I promise.”
He kisses me once more and brushes the hair away from my eyes. I wince when the pad of his finger catches one of the many cuts, but even the pain is welcome because it means I’m alive.
The doctor arrives shortly after my parents, detailing the plans for my treatment. It’s only been a few days since they filled me with rods and pins and other sundry shit that guarantees I’ll never have an easy time at the airport again, but he’s pleased with my progress so far and the fact that I’m getting used to my brace. Spending the entire summer with hard plastic molded from my armpits to waist sounds like hell, but again, I’m alive so I won’t bitch about it.
There’s so much I could whine about, but the accident has made me realize that life’s too short for wallowing. It’s also too short to live for others, which is why I plan on telling my parents to go back to the city, as that’s best for all parties. They don’tlikebeing up here and they’re making life a living hell for me, Dom, and the entire staff of the hospital.
“How long will I be stuck here?” I ask after Dr. Mayhew goes over my treatment plan. Dom’s already talked to the fire chief back home and told him what’s going on. I have officially battled my last blaze since there isn’t much call for paraplegic firefighters. Maybe it’s immature and petty, but that realization is one of the only ones I’ve blown up over. I fought my parents for years over my dream, defied them by actually doing it, and now it means nothing.
“It’s going to be at least a month, probably more,” the doctor informs me. “If necessary, we can discuss a transfer to a facility closer to home, but even that won’t happen for a while.”
“Yes, we’d like him moved to Mount Sinai as soon as possible,” my father chimes in. Funny, I’m the patient and this is the first I’ve heard about moving back to the city. Even if they offered the best spinal cord injury treatment in the world, I’d be tempted to refuse to go there because it’s where my father wants me. If Idoask to have my treatment transferred to another city, it’ll be because I have talked to my doctors and listened to their recommendations.
“Doctor Mayhew, we’ll discuss my long-term treatment when the time comes. For now, thank you for the information. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” The doctor quickly takes the hint and excuses himself, allowing me to focus on more pressing matters. “Mom, Dad, I think it’s time for you to go home.”
I stare out the window, not allowing myself to even look at the disgust I know is on my father’s face. Or the hurt in my mother’s eyes. I feel bad for her because I can see how hard it is for her to play the dutiful wife while wishing she could be the nurturing mother. More than once, I’ve wondered how she would have reacted to everything if not for her loyalty to my father. I’ll probably never know, but I’d like to think she’d be more caring.
“What do you mean?” My father’s genuinely shocked to realize he’s being dismissed. “You need someone here to oversee your care and make sure your needs are being met if you have any hope of walking in the future.”
I flinch at my father’s words, figuring this is one more disappointment the old man will add to the growing list. He hasn’t said it, but I suspect he blames me for the accident, even though Andrew admitted that the ATV I was riding needed repair.
Andrew’s apologized to me repeatedly, offering to cover any hospital expenses, because he’s so torn up that this happened at all. Never mind the fact that I’m the dumbass who got on a four-wheeler withoutknowingit was in good condition. Now that there’s a plan in place for getting me out of this bed, and hopefully someday out of the wheelchair, I’m more worried about the guilt plaguing him.
“Dominic is the one who will be providing oversight since he’s the one who will be standing next to me every step of the way,” I say smugly. “And in case that’s not enough, Andrew and Cara are going to split their time between the city and their vacation home up here. I will haveplentyof people who sincerely care about me to make sure the doctors do everything they can. And guess what… Even with all of that I mightneverwalk again. And that’s okay because those who matter will be there for me whether I’m walking on two legs or wheeling up in a kickass chair.”
“You ungrateful son of a--”
“That’senough!” Andrew’s booming voice commands everyone’s attention. “Robert, your son is a grown man. The two of you don’t see eye to eye on many things, but it’s time you let him make the choices in his own life. Cara and I will stand by whatever he and Dominic decide is best for his recovery.”
“Fine,” my father huffs, tossing a stack of pamphlets onto the end of the bed. “But if he thinks he’s getting a dime out of me, he’s delusional. His mother and I have tried to do right by him for twenty-nine years and it’s time I wash my hands of him.”
He grabs my mother’s arm, not allowing her time to say goodbye before he’s out the door. The next time I see him by my choice will be the day they bury him in the ground and I have the pleasure of pissing on his grave. And just to spite him, I have every intention of walking my happy ass through the cemetery to do so.
“How are you feeling?” Cara asks as she gingerly lowers herself into the chair. If it’s possible, she looks bigger now than she did less than a week ago when we stepped off the plane.
“Well, let’s see…” I scrub the annoying stubble on my chin in contemplation. “I have more hardware in me than a Home Depot, I probably won’t ever walk again, I get to wear a plastic brace that covers my chest and back for the foreseeable future, my social calendar will be filled with physical therapy every day and I’m pretty sure I was just disowned by my parents. All-in-all, I can’t complain.”
Andrew cackles, shaking his head in disbelief. “You are an odd man, you know that? But it’s good to see you aren’t letting shit get you down.”
“Nah, I somehow made it to this side when I shouldn’t have.” The doctors said I might not remember the accident, but that’s a damned lie. Every time I close my eyes, I relive every moment, every jolt and tumble, waking the moment I look up the hill and realize that I’m directly in the path of seven hundred pounds of metal and plastic. If I didn’t remember, it might be easier for me to wallow in self-pity. “The only things that upset me are the fact that my career is in the shitter and I won’t be able to dance with Dom at our wedding.”
And the unspoken fear is even worse: that Dom will realize this is too much work for him and he’ll bail.
* * *
Dom
“Thanks for meeting with me.”My dad sits across the table from me in the hospital cafeteria. He stopped by the night after Tony’s surgery, asking me to give him a call when I was ready to talk. At the time, I wanted so much to clear the air with him, but the petty side of my brain needed to make him sweat a bit.
For over a decade, my father and I have drifted further and further apart because I refused to admit that my sexuality was a phase. We both said plenty of hateful words, but mine were in defense of myself and my life.
“I figured it was the least I could do after you put Tony’s dad in his place the way you did.” I offer my father a crooked grin. “Were you really watching us?”
“Every chance I got,” he confesses. “I ducked into a corner when I saw you come in. I wanted to run to you and ask what was going on, but I figured I was the last person you’d want to see since you didn’t come home for Christmas.”
“About that…” My dad and I have never talked about Brandon because he was part ofthatpart of my life, but my father and sister are two people who need to know.
“Son, you don’t have to say anything. Looking back, I’m surprised you didn’t cut me off years ago,” he says solemnly. “I was an ass to you and you didn’t deserve that. Seeing what you have with that young man, I can’t blame you for standing me up to be with him.”
