My entire body spasms so hard that it’s impossible to hold my weight over Tony and I collapse on top of him. “Damn, I needed that,” I groan, rolling to the side.
“Well I’m glad one of us feels better,” Tony chuckles. He pushes me off his body, rolling so his arm is draped over my chest. I roll to my side so I’m looking directly into his eyes.
“You didn’t enjoy yourself?” I ask. Now, my mind is getting away from me and I’m worried that he let me top him because he didn’t want to upset me.
“Oh, you were fucking amazing. But it’ll be a miracle if I’m not walking funny tomorrow morning.” Tony bites his way down my jaw to my neck. My body stirs to life again, but I’m too tired to do anything about it.
We lie in the darkness staring into one another’s eyes as we talk until our heavy eyelids refuse to stay open a moment longer. I have no clue what’ll happen when the sun rises, but for this moment, I have faith that everything will be okay.
Chapter Fifteen
Tony
Christmas has always beenmy favorite holiday. My dad may have a heart of stone, but I think I was about fifteen the first time I thought of Mom’s as made of ice. And every year, it seemed to thaw for a bit on Christmas morning when all of the kids would rush to the living room to rifle through our stockings. By that point, we were well past the point of believing in Santa, but the concept of the jolly man lived on when we’d see my mother ease her frigid ways.
This year, I don’t give a shit what awaits me in the faded green stocking hanging from the mantle over my parents’ fireplace. The only gift I need is nestled into my side with his head on my chest. In one week, he’s opened my eyes to what I’m doing to myself and those I claim to love by being such a fucking coward and I’m determined to rectify that by the time we’re back in this bed tonight.
I pick up my phone to check the time. Only eight-thirty and I already have a text from my mother asking what time I’ll be over. As much as I want to, I can’t stay cooped up in this room all day; I have gifts to open and parents to piss off. Such is the life of the black sheep…
Looking down at my morning wood, it’s tempting to roll Dom onto his stomach and give him a proper good morning, but knowing us, that’d either lead to me being late, me saying something stupid, or all of the above. Instead, I ease my way out from under his death grip on my waist, cradling his head so it doesn’t slam onto the bed.
“Where’re you going?” Dom mumbles, reaching over to pull me back to him.
“Baby, I have to go. My mom’s already on my ass for not being there first thing this morning.” I look over my shoulder and see Dom’s pouty lips laying on a guilt trip. “I’m going to ride with Cara and Andrew if they’re still here. That way, I can beg off when they do and meet you over at the Rossi’s.”
Dom sits up, draping his arms over my shoulders, kissing me deeply. I grip the back of his neck, holding his face to mine, wishing there was a way we wouldn’t have to be apart. “Baby, I really have to go,” I mumble, my lips still pressed to his.
“I know,” he sighs and breaks the kiss, running his hands down to mine. “Don’t do anything stupid today, okay?”
There’s no need for Dom to clarify what stupidity he’s asking me to avoid. Last night, I tried talking to him about coming out to my family today, but he shut my ass down every time I tried to bring it up. He actually tried to convince me that it’s the worst thing I could possibly do, but I don’t want to tell them over the phone and I’m not sure when I’ll be back up this way.
“Have you met me?” I ask incredulously. “Stupid is my best friend. That shit follows me around like a stray puppy.” I plant one last quick kiss on his lips, pulling the blankets over his body as he settles in to go back to sleep.
“Just…try, okay? For me?” he begs, already falling back to sleep.
“I will. For you,” I assure him.
* * *
My nose is assaultedby artificial pine the moment I open the front door of my childhood home. I can already hear my nieces and nephews fighting over toys in the living room while the men in the family hide in the den, oblivious to what’s going on around them. Rather than brave either of those groups, I make my way into the kitchen, the sickening fake smell giving way to scent of ham baking in the oven. I close my eyes, trying to recall good memories with my family so they won’t all realize I’m so freaked out that I’m tempted to bail. I still think this is the way I have to do this, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
“Anthony, you made it!” My mother animatedly makes her way to me, arms thrown wide. I hug her stiffly, wishing I was still young enough to be unaware of her forced affection. “Where’s Kennedy?” she asks, looking past me for the non-existent girlfriend. I’m fairly certain I could have sent Kennedy in my place and it would have been perfectly fine by my mother. Just once, it’d be nice if she didn’t think I’m missing something in my life by not have a woman by my side because that’s never going to happen. The sooner she gets used to it, the sooner we can all move on.
“She’s with her family today,” I inform my mom, wondering for a moment how Kennedy is holding up. This is the first time we’ve agreed to do a family holiday without the other, both needing to grow up and face who we are. She’s not in any hurry to open the closet door to give her family a peek inside, but that’s because she lives here. She sees them often enough that it’s not necessary for her to fuck up a day meant for celebration.
“Oh,” my mother huffs, turning her attention back to basting the ham. “Are the two of you having problems?”
I watch as, one-by-one, my brothers’ wives sneak out of the kitchen, not wanting any part of what’s about to go down.If they only knew how big this explosion is going to be.
All too soon, there’s no one else in the kitchen to buffer my mother’s meddlesome ire. “Honestly, Anthony, I don’t know how you didn’t see this coming. A girl like Kennedy isn’t going to be happy with your hot-and-cold act. I can’t say I’m surprised that she’s starting to pull away from you. She’s old enough that she’s going to want a good man in her life, a ring on her finger, a house to call home and a few kids running around making messes. You could be that man, but not if you keep pushing her away like this.”
I snort at the absurdity of her statement. Mom’s one-for-four on this round. The only aspiration she’s listed that could remotely fit Kennedy is a home of her own, but even then I see her fitting into an industrial loft more than a house with white picket fence.
“That’s your problem, Anthony. You’re incapable of taking life seriously,” she chastises, not giving me a chance to say a single word. I lean against the counter, cracking my neck to keep from letting my temper get the best of me. “You were could have done great things, but then you had to give in to your immature whims. I was willing to turn my back then, to give you time to figure out what mattered in life, but it’s quite apparent to me that you have no interest in growing up.”
I clench and release my fists, trying to get some tension relief before I dignify her with a response. It’s funny; the day she chooses to admonish my lack of direction in life is the same one that’s brought me crystal clarity. I no longer have a hole, waiting for the missing piece to fall into place. It’s seriously like a line out of a cheesy romantic comedy; Dom not only completes me, but at least for now, he seems willing to put up with me. And when I get back to my sister’s, I know exactly what I’m going to do to turn for now into forever.
“Mom, I have grown up. You’re upset because the life I want isn’t the life you want for me,” I protest, sliding out of her way when she comes toward me with a hot casserole dish. “You and Dad both knew that I didn’t want to go to business school, but I did anyway, just to make you happy. The problem is I was miserable.
