As disorganized as everything looked from the outside, once we were inside it seemed Freddie and Peter had done a good job getting everything packed and stacked along the walls to make the day go smoothly. Freddie came out of the kitchen carrying a plastic container filled with muffins. He set them down on the coffee table and held out his hand. “Levi, it’s good to see you again. You sure you’re ready for this?”
“Of course. I have plenty of experience helping friends move and I’m always glad to help out.”
“Oh, the moving part is going to be easy by comparison.” Freddie laughed and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I’m worried more about you being able to put up with all of us brothers when Mama isn’t around to referee. I love these guys, but I’ll be the first to admit we tend to butt heads. In fair warning, the more stressed we are more the sarcastic we tend to be.”
“I can deal with that,” I assured him. I could see there was something else Freddie wanted to say, but he was holding back. Knowing what Matteo had told me about how protective his family could be, I assumed it was most likely a warning that I’d better take care of the baby of the family or face the wrath of his older brothers. There was nothing to worry about because I’d rather cut off my own arm than hurt Matteo.
“Okay, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Freddie and I stood back, watching what everyone was doing. He looked me up and down, then nodded slightly as if he’d made some sort of a decision about me. “I have most of the guys working on carrying boxes down to the truck. Soon, it’ll be time for us to start hauling the furniture down. You up for helping out with that?”
“Yeah, whatever you need help with. Just point me in the right direction.”
Freddie directed me to the living room before disappearing to check on the others. At first, I felt like Matteo’s brothers spent as much time watching me as they did loading the truck, but eventually we all fell into an easy rhythm. By midafternoon the truck was loaded, and we formed a caravan heading over to the new house. There, the process was the same but in reverse. One of the men was meticulously organized, having color-coded all the boxes and placing sticky notes in each room so we didn’t have to ask what went where.
As much as I wanted to be near Matteo., I didn’t want anyone thinking I was hovering around him for no reason. It was important to me that they understood I knew how capable Matteo was of taking care of himself. We almost had everything unloaded when I finally realized how much Matteo was struggling. He wandered from one room to the next, trying to figure out what he could do. Twice, I saw him fumble while he carried a box. I no longer gave a damn what the brothers thought and rushed to his side. “Everything okay, Angel?” Matteo nodded, but wouldn’t make eye contact with me. If we were at home, I’d punish him for lying to me, but putting him in the corner for quiet time might raise more than a few suspicions here. I leaned in close enough that I could whisper without being overheard. “What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing,” he tried to reassure me. I had no doubt he’d convinced himself it was nothing, but there was obviously something distressing him. “This is just part of who I am. Sometimes the more that’s going on around me, the more scrambled my brain gets.”
“You need to go take a break?” Matteo shook his head. I’d trust him to know what he needed, for now. But if things started sliding further downhill, then I would intervene and find someplace quiet to help him re-center and focus.
After that, I stayed close to my boy and we worked together unpacking boxes in the kitchen. I gave him clear directions on what he needed to do next, and it didn’t take long before his hands seemed steadier and he was able to focus on unpacking a single box at a time rather than pulling out random items from every box scattered around the room.
I was hopeful we’d gotten through the worst of his anxiety. We were nearly finished unpacking the kitchen, which was no easy task since Freddie and Peter seemed to be on a mission to collect every kitchen gadget known to man, when I startled at the sound of something shattering against the tile floor.
“I’m so sorry, Peter. I didn’t mean to drop it,” Matteo apologized. Tears streamed down his face as he scooped up shards of a ceramic plate with his bare hands. I could see dots of red where the jagged edges had pricked his skin, but Matteo was so upset he hadn’t noticed.
Without thinking, I dropped to my knees in front of him, curling my fingers under his chin. When he looked up, I slid a hand around the back of his neck, drawing him to my chest. “It’s okay, Angel. No one’s mad at you.”
“Freddie is,” Matteo argued through the remnants of his sobs.
“He’s not,” I assured him. It might be a lie, but Freddie would get over it if he was upset. I held Matteo and carefully reached up for the pressure point we’d found that almost always calmed him. It took longer than normal this time, but he calmed and pulled away from me, wiping the tears from his eyes.
I stood, holding out a hand to help my boy off the ground, when someone appeared with a broom. It was one of the twins, but having only met them once, I wasn’t sure which one. He shooed us away, letting us know he’d take care of the mess. It amazed me how in tune all the brothers were to Matteo’s struggles and how they worked together to keep him from shattering like that damn plate. It made my heart ache that Teo couldn’t see there was no pity or animosity from any of them because they did it for the same reason I did: love.
“I’m not angry, Teo. It’s just a pie plate.” Peter placed a hand on Matteo’s shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze.
“But it was your mama’s and I know it was special to you. I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve let someone else unpack the boxes with breakable stuff.”
Peter’s other hand came up to Matteo’s opposite shoulder and he shook him gently. On instinct, I stepped up behind them, ready to demand Matteo take a break. If he didn’t settle down a bit, there was no way we’d get through the rest of the afternoon and evening. “Listen to me. It’s okay. Life’s too short to be upset about something as silly as an old baking dish. Just because it’s broken doesn’t mean the memories are gone, and remembering Mama is what really matters.”
“Freddie, do you mind if I take him to the guest room for a few minutes?” I asked, placing a hand on Teo’s hip. “There’s a lot going on and he needs a few minutes alone.”
“You arenothaving sex in my house before I do,” Peter teased. Matteo groaned, his cheeks turning adorably red. “Go on. I think Tony and Enzo already have the bed set up in there.”
Before the bedroom door was closed, Matteo collapsed onto the bed. He threw a hand over his face, shielding his eyes from my view. I sat on the bed next to him, debating whether to reach out for him. I wanted to comfort him, but there were times he got worked up and wanted to be left alone. Those times were hard for me, because I felt as if I was failing him as a daddy, a friend, and a lover.
“Talk to me, Angel,” I urged him. I kept my voice low, trying to hide any of my own frustration. Seeing Matteo come undone left me feeling anxious and helpless. “Do we need to go home?”
Matteo simply shook his head, still not looking at me. We sat there in the silence long enough I wondered if Matteo had fallen asleep. The noise from downstairs grew louder as more of Freddie and Peter’s family arrived for dinner. My back ached from all the lifting, so I lay down on the bed next to my angel. A few minutes later he reached out to me, slowly stroking my arm.
“I wish I could be normal, even for one day.” My standard retort was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew he wouldn’t believe me if I told him there was nothing wrong with him. And I wasn’t sure what had triggered him today, which meant I’d be arguing without enough information.
“All I could think while I was unpacking their stuff is what a huge step it is to live together. Never mind the fact they’ve been living together a while now. But until now it was Peter living at Freddie’s house, and this is completely different. They’re building this whole life together and I want that, too.”
“Angel, if you’d rather we look for a place to share that’s not mine but truly ours, that’s okay.” Truth be told, I didn’t care where we lived if Matteo was with me. I liked my apartment, but it was a place to live, nothing more.
“I don’t think that’s it, but who knows. No one ever knows what sets me off.” Matteo rolled to his side and opened his eyes, finally looking at me.
I offered him a tender smile, hoping my eyes conveyed the reassurances I couldn’t bring myself to say. “Angel, let me ask you one question.” I paused, giving Matteo a chance to shut me down. When he didn’t, I continued. “Do you want to move in with me? I know I blindsided you this morning when I asked you to move in with me. I made a promise to you when we first started seeing one another that I’d never rush into anything you aren’t ready for, but maybe I did.”
