“That’s my intention,” I promised him. Matteo’s happiness was quickly becoming my mission.
12
Matteo
All my anxietyand worrying about how the first meeting between Levi and my family would go proved to be unfounded. To say tonight had been a success would be an understatement. They all loved him, and Mama pulled me aside before we left to tell me how happy she was for me. As great as all that was, I was glad the night was over. I wanted to get home.
“Everything okay, Angel?” Daddy asked, reaching across the console to rub my thigh.
“It is now,” I admitted with a sigh. I’d felt at loose ends the entire weekend, wishing Daddy hadn’t been out of town. Even though things were going better overall at the restaurant, this weekend had been particularly stressful. Frankie and Tony were relying on me more frequently to take care of the private parties, which was great because I didn’t have to split my attention between groups. At the same time, I always worried that I’d screw something up and one unhappy guest would tell their friends about the experience. Eventually, my mistakes would snowball to the point where my brothers lost the family business. The only cure when my mind spiraled out of control was going home to Daddy, which made things incredibly difficult when he was out of town.
“Is there anything you need to tell me about this weekend?” Something about the tone of Daddy’s voice gave me pause. I tried thinking of anything I hadn’t already told him and came up blank.
“No?” My response came out like a question, because I felt like there was something I was forgetting.
“What did you do when you weren’t working?”
I looked at Daddy, trying to figure out what he was getting at. We talked every day that he was gone, and to the best of my knowledge I hadn’t forgotten to do anything he’d instructed me to do. “Perhaps a little writing?”
Oh crap. I swallowed hard, shifting in my seat as I imagined the spanking I was going to get if Daddy was upset with me. I should’ve known better than to keep it from him that I’d been sending John articles for the website, but at the time I’d reasoned that writing was something I needed to do for myself, and I was afraid if I told Daddy what I wanted to do, he’d forbid it.
“You know, don’t you?”
Daddy simply nodded, giving my thigh a gentle squeeze.
“Are you upset with me?”
“Upset? No. But it was disappointing to find out from someone else rather than from you. How many times have we talked about the need for honest communication in order to make this relationship work?”
“I know, Daddy.” I slumped down in my seat, shifting toward the door to put some distance between us. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but at the time I wanted one thing that was just for me. I know my explanation probably doesn’t make sense to you, but my entire life I’ve let other people help me figure out what I should do, and this felt like a small step in taking control and proving to myself that I could function without someone else guiding the way.”
Daddy didn’t say anything in response, which put me on edge. If he’d lashed out at me and told me he was angry, I could’ve dealt with that. The silence, however, was deafening. So far, the articles I’d written had only been about my experiences and what it meant to me to be little, which was how I’d rationalized not needing Daddy’s permission before sending them. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
Daddy didn’t say anything the rest of the drive, and by the time we pulled up in front of his apartment, I was half expecting him to turn around and drive me back to Mama’s house. I prayed that wasn’t the case. When Daddy got out of the car, I stayed in my seat, waiting to see what he’d do. I finally let out the breath I’d been holding when he opened my door and leaned across my body to unbuckle my seatbelt.
“Come on, Angel. Let’s go inside so we can finish talking about this.” He reached for my hand and I relaxed a bit more, still worried about what was going to happen once we were behind closed doors but grateful that I hadn’t pushed him away.
As soon as we were inside the apartment, Daddy told me to go to the bedroom. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, and I’d take my punishment without complaint. One of the things I loved the most about Daddy was how he never disciplined me without reason, and the punishment always fit the severity of what I’d done to disappoint him.
I could hear him in the other room and strained to figure out what he was doing. When he walked into the bedroom holding a bowl of ice cream with two spoons, I was shocked. That wasn’t at all what I’d been anticipating. He set the bowl on his nightstand and headed for the small dresser he kept for me in the corner of the room.
“Strip down, Angel. It’s time for you to get comfortable.” I couldn’t hide the smile when Daddy pulled out a pair of undies for me. “I know it’s been difficult on you for me to be gone so much, and it’s past time we set a few more rules.”
Daddy kneeled in front of me, tapping my foot. He pulled the underwear up one leg then repeated the actions with the other, leaning in to kiss my thigh before standing. My dick twitched to life, eager to show off what I’d been doing over the weekend other than working and writing. But to do that, I’d have to find courage I wasn’t sure I possessed because the idea of telling him, or worse, him insisting that I show him, embarrassed the heck out of me.
Daddy led me to the bed and propped pillows behind me. When he sat next to me and held an arm out I curled into his side and let out a sigh, happy to finally be home. Home, I’d learned, wasn’t a place, but it was a feeling. And Daddy was the one who made everything quiet and right in the world.
“I’m proud of you for going after something that you want,” he praised me. I gaped at him, confused because he’d seemed upset earlier. He held up a finger, stopping me from responding in any way. “The only thing that upset me was finding out what you’d been doing from Denny. I wish you’d have trusted me to let me know this was something you were going to do.”
“But I did,” I protested. The night John had first made the suggestion, I’d told Daddy it was something I wanted to do. “Maybe I didn’t tell you I’d made a decision, but I honestly didn’t see the problem in doing it. In some ways, it’s also been a way for me to work through everything that’s going on in my head.”
“Again, that’s something I wish you’d trusted me to help you with.”
I was beginning to understand just how important trust was to Daddy. And it seemed the two of us had different ideas of how to show that to one another.
In my mind, I proved to Daddy how much I trusted him every time I lay across his lap and begged him to spank me. It was the moments I allowed him to see me at my most vulnerable, knowing he’d never do anything to expose my secrets. Even today, he’d been very careful to not say or do anything that might seem off to someone who didn’t understand the way we lived inside this apartment.
“That’s why I think it’s time for us to set a few more ground rules,” Daddy repeated. He scooped up a bite of ice cream and fed it to me, holding the spoon in my mouth until the ice cream melted. When he withdrew the spoon, he leaned in for a kiss, pressing his tongue against the seam of my lips until I opened for him. He hummed, and I swore I felt the vibration through my entire body. When he sat up, breaking the kiss, I tried chasing after his lips. Kissing Daddy would always be preferable to talking. “Patience, Angel. I promise nothing I have to say will be too scary, but I’m sure neither of us like the way we’re feeling right now. Getting things out in the open will help keep that from happening again.”
