“You could barely look at me,” I shot back. “What else was I supposed to think?”
“I know, okay?” Freddie sprang up off the couch and started pacing around the room as he scrubbed a hand over his hair. “Seeing you again fucked with my head, for reasons.”
“What reasons?” I pushed him. Freddie shook his head. “Tell me, Freddie. Because right now, I can’t convince myself you’re offering me a place to stay out of anything other than either pity or guilt, and if that’s the case, I think it’s time for me to leave. I can come back to pick up Maria in the morning.”
“Stay.” Before the word was out of his mouth, Freddie had crossed the room and had his hand on my shoulder. His breathing was ragged, and I wondered what he wasn’t saying. “I do want to talk to you, make you see that how I reacted had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my own issues. But we’ve both had a long, shitty day, and I don’t want either of us saying things we can’t take back.”
Shit. I hated it when Freddie made sense. I was already being extra bitchy, and the soft, sad look in Freddie’s eyes told me he was being sincere. “Fine. You’re right. We’ll stay here tonight and talk tomorrow. Do you have to work?”
Freddie shook his head. “I have to go in for dinner, but Carlos offered to open since I worked a long shift today. I was planning to take Sophia shopping for summer clothes since she’s outgrown just about everything in her closet.”
Freddie probably wasn’t even aware of the way he smiled when he mentioned his daughter’s name. I was stunned when she told me she was his kid, but only because Freddie never struck me as the type to want kids. He never seemed to like kids when we were younger. He’d often complained about how he didn’t want to hang out at our house because my sisters were a pain in the ass. They were, but I’d always accepted that they were family and I had to put up with them. Now, he came to life anytime his daughter walked into the room and was talking about taking her shopping, which was something I doubted he’d learned to love over the years.
“Then why don’t we get some sleep now, we can talk in the morning while Maria keeps Sophia occupied, and depending on how things go, I’ll tag along.” Inserting myself into Freddie’s life was a bad idea, yet I couldn’t stop myself from offering. If we got back on steadier ground, it was going to be difficult for me to walk away from him. From them, really, because Sophia had almost instantly wormed her way into my carefully guarded heart.
“Why would you do that?” Freddie asked. I considered it progress that he wasn’t refusing me outright.
“Because I was the one who used to drag you to the mall,” I reminded him. “You would’ve been happy with packaged T-shirts and clearance finds from the big box stores and complained every time I forced you to make an effort with your appearance.”
“Says the man who’d buy anything he found in a shade of black or gray,” Freddie teased. And yeah, I hadn’t had much color in my life back then, but that was because I’d convinced myself I could pull off any look I wanted as long as I wasn’t drawing attention to myself. Color, somehow, equated throwing open the closet door in my adolescent mind.
“Yeah, but you have to admit, I looked damn good in black,” I countered.
“You did,” Freddie agreed. The air was knocked out of my lungs as his mouth turned into a wistful grin, taking in my current attire from head to toe. “Then again, you’ve always been able to pull off just about anything.”
Oh, if he only knew.There were some of my favorite clothing items that were sure to send Freddie running, and if we were alone, the no-holds-barred side of my personality would’ve probably dropped my pants to see if he still thought so when he caught a glimpse of the royal purple satin hugging my tight ass and massaging my balls. It wouldn’t be the first time, but I decided to behave, not wanting Freddie to think I was going out of my way to offend his sensibilities.
Freddie cleared his throat and shook his head vigorously.Oh, to know the thoughts he was trying to banish.Perhaps he wasn’t lying when he insisted I’d misunderstood his reaction years earlier. “We can play tomorrow by ear. I don’t want to dominate the time you should probably spend with your family.”
“Dominate me,please,” I responded, thinking too late about what I’d just said. My entire face heated with embarrassment as I wished for a sinkhole to appear and swallow me whole. Fuck. I really needed to get a grip and remember I couldn’t let my freak flag fly quite as high until I got back to the safety of the life I’d carefully cultivated.
I watched Freddie’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard.Hard. Don’t think about things being hard.Without another word, he started walking through the house, turning out the lights. I grabbed my bag and followed him up the stairs.
“You can sleep in there,” he said, not stopping on his way to the end of the hall. I followed, wanting to check in on Maria. She hadn’t slept well last night, and I’d spent half my night watching her toss and turn in the sleeping bag she’d rolled out on the floor of my bedroom.
I peered around Freddie’s shoulder, wondering if he’d be opposed to me taking a picture of my baby sister, sound asleep with his daughter wrapped in her arms. It was the most peaceful Maria had been since my return, and I wished it were possible for her to be content all the time.
Without realizing what I was doing, I rested my head on Freddie’s shoulder as we watched the girls sleep. “Do you think she hates me for leaving her alone to deal with them?”
Freddie turned around slowly, wrapping his arms around my back. The tender press of his lips to my forehead stole my breath away once again. He held me against his chest as he spoke. “For a long time, she was confused. You never saw it, but she worshipped you, wanted to be like you. When you left, your Mama worked hard to make Maria see that you didn’t leave because of anything she’d done or because she didn’t love you.”
He guided me back to the spare room, sitting down next to me on the bed. “We can talk about a lot of things later, but I don’t want you thinking Maria resents you. She doesn’t. As she got older and started coming into her own, I think she understood why it was impossible for you to stay here. When your papa laid blame for the bakery closing on you, she’s the one who defended your right to live a different life than the one he’d mapped out for you. She loves you, Peter. And she needs you. And that’s the reason I’ll give you tonight for why you should accept my offer. No strings, just a place for you to stay at night so you don’t feel like you have no options.”
He left me alone to get ready for bed. When I turned out the bathroom light, he was standing in the hall waiting for me. “Have a good night, Peter.”
“Night.” I stepped into the bedroom, but turned back, not quite ready to part ways, even for tonight. “In case I haven’t said it, thanks. For everything.”
He crossed the hall in one long step, hugging me for the second time tonight. His arms around me felt better than they should, but damn if I wasn’t going to savor it while I was here. “We’ll be okay, Peter.”
I fell into a peaceful sleep that night, Freddie’s promise echoing through my mind. Even before I got the call that Mama didn’t have long to live, I wasn’t sure when I’d slept so peacefully.
That serenity was shattered early the following morning when Sophia jumped on the bed, Maria hot on her heels. “Soph, I told you to let them sleep.”
“It’s okay,” I reassured her as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I’ll admit, it was strange having a little girl bouncing around as I tried to wake up, and I wasn’t sure why she ran in here instead into her dad’s bedroom.
“Daddy’s sleepy,” she explained. “And Maria said she used to bake with you when you were little kids. Will you bake with me? We can make Daddy a breakfast surprise. I don’t get to make him breakfast in bed because I’m too little to use the stove or the oven. And I’m never allowed to use knives because little kids can’t use sharp knives and my knives don’t cut very good.”
Good lord, I wasn’t sure she stopped anywhere in that monologue to take a breath. I dropped my feet to the floor, conceding the fact that sleep time was over. Besides, it’d been years since I baked with Maria. The last time… no, I wasn’t going to think about the times Mama used to take us into the kitchen to bake. When we were younger that was her code for “Wearegoing to talk.”
