“I hate that you feel that’s something you need to do, but fuck if I wouldn’t give my left nut for you to show me.” I licked my way across his neck and up to his ear. “Would you put on a show for me sometime?”
“Whatever you—”
The sound of my daughter sobbing wasn’t just a bucket of ice water on the moment, it was a high-pressure hose of ice water. I fell off the couch, grabbing at my pants as I tried to stand. Somehow, Peter managed to beat me to the front door and had Sophia in his arms before I could join them.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked, ignoring the stab of jealousy when she burrowed tighter into Peter’s arms. He looked to me, wide-eyed and lost, but never stopped rubbing her back until her sobs calmed to sniffles and hiccups.
She tried telling us what’d happened, but every time she spoke, she started crying again, so Maria jumped in. “Some little a-hole at the park started picking on her, talking about how she heard that Sophia’s mom hated her. I tried to tell her not to listen to the bully brat, but the kid was relentless.”
“Where were her parents?” Peter asked right as I opened my mouth to ask the same thing.
Maria simply shook her head. “Her mom was off chatting with friends, all of them comparing pictures on their phones. I didn’t know what to do when she wouldn’t calm down, so I brought her back to the house. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” Peter tried shifting Sophia in her arms, obviously fatigued from holding dead weight. I placed my hands in her armpits and this time, she let me take her. Peter and Maria followed us into the living room, and I sat on the couch with my daughter burrowed into my chest. “Baby, some people aren’t very nice. And I know it hurts, but if you let them see you upset, then they win.”
“I know, Daddy.” She sniffed back a sob. “I really tried, but she was justso mean.And she’s right. If Mommy loved us, she wouldn’t have left.”
“Oh baby.” My heart shattered into a million pieces. No matter how many times I told Sophia that her mommy loved her very much, but couldn’t stay with us when she had her own dreams to chase, it didn’t change the fact that someone Sophia counted on had left her.
The pieces of my heart pulverized to dust when I caught a glimpse of Peter hanging out at the edge of the room. As much as I’d enjoyed what we’d been doing, I couldn’t get involved with him. He was offering me a short-term solution to long-term denial, but in the end, he’d go back to his life and his dreams, and I’d be sitting here holding a broken-hearted little girl while trying to fill the void he’d inevitably leave.
6
Peter
I’d never thoughtabout having a family of my own. A partner, possibly, but nothing more. I’d sure as fuck never considered the possibility of stepping into a ready-made family, but as I watched Freddie with his daughter, I wanted that. When Sophia had jumped into my arms, wanted me to be the one to comfort her when she was hurting, it gave me a sense of purpose I’d never felt before.
Sophia dozed as Freddie ran his hand over her head. I closed my eyes, wishing I was in either of their positions. Freddie used to be the boy I ran to when anything or anyone bothered me because I knew he’d make it better. And now, his daughter knew the same.
“You’re already halfway in love with him, aren’t you?” Maria asked as she pulled me into the kitchen. I watched as she started pulling the flour and sugar out of the cupboard. I was jealous of the way she moved through Freddie’s kitchen with ease, remembering right before I made a sarcastic comment Freddie mentioned she’d babysat for him. Hell, my own sister was closer to the life I was starting to wish I had than I was. With the man I wanted to share it with. And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth?
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. Hearing Freddie’s memories of the past brought suppressed emotions of my own bubbling to the surface. We’d been best friends, but had my feelings for him run deeper than I’d admitted to myself? Honestly, most likely.
“Petie, please don’t do anything stupid,” she pleaded as she pulled butter out of the fridge. “They’re just getting over that bitch wife of his taking off for good. I don’t know what he’d do if the two of you got together and you took off.”
“Sometimes all someone needs is a reason to stay.”Where in the hell had that thought come from?I’d never wanted to come home. While I’d found out too late that there was a decent gay community here, I could never have the life I’d made for myself in New York. But now, I couldn’t stop thinking about this alternate reality, and for once, I wasn’t going to make a hasty decision.
Too late, I realized how my comment might’ve sounded to Maria. She wouldn’t look at me as she cracked eggs with one hand, wiping tears away with the other. “I didn’t mean that, Maria. You know I would’ve stayed if Papa hadn’t made my life hell. Icouldn’tstay. He’d have made me take over the bakery, and that wasn’t my dream.”
“I know that,” she reassured me weakly. “And I’m glad you did get out. You might not realize it, but knowing you were out there living life on your own terms made me the person I am today. Everyone thought I was this little kid, but I wasn’t stupid. You were always so sad. And you’d catch yourself staring at Freddie and get all flustered, like you were doing something you shouldn’t have.”
She had no idea how badly I needed her forgiveness. The entire time I’d been away, she was the one person in my family I remembered fondly. The sister I’d worried about, wondering what life had been like for her once I left. I drew Maria into my arms, resting my chin on the top of her head. “Thank you.”
Sophia woke up and I heard her begging Freddie to let her watch yet another Peter Pan based movie. I’d been teased mercilessly as a kid, forever dubbed Peter Pan after my unfortunate casting in our second grade play, that I stayed as far away as I could from any movies based on the story. Now, I found myself wishing we could all curl up on the couch together and I could watch with the innocence of a child.
“Man, you’re such a goner for him,” Maria teased as she started scooping cookie dough onto the baking pans. Without being told what to do, I started rolling the balls and shaping them into crescents. This was how our family always talked out whatever was bothering us.
“I think it’s a bit early to say that.” Right now, my head was filled with possibilities, but chances were, those were all pipe dreams. “AndifI hang around for a while, it won’t be because of Freddie.”
And there was noifabout me staying in town. I’d already sent a few emails this morning offering a couple of my upcoming jobs to friends I trusted to not fuck me over. That was the good thing about working for myself on a contract basis; I’d built a good enough reputation that I could call my clients later and tell them I had a family emergency to handle and they wouldn’t balk at whoever I suggested to take my place. Next, I just had to tell Freddie that I would love to take him up on his gracious offer. And if I wasreallylucky, we’d revisit what we started before Sophia’s meltdown.
“It smells good in here!” Sophia ran into the kitchen, Freddie behind her. “Are you making us cookies?”
“Our mama always used to make us cookies when we had a bad day,” Maria explained. “After what happened in the park, I thought you might like some when you woke up from your nap.”
“I don’t take naps,” Sophia protested. “I’m a big girl and Nonna says big girls don’t have to take naps. I was just resting my eyes for a little bit.”
Freddie peeked into the oven and beamed when he realized what we were making.Did you make these for a reason?The look he gave me asked.
