I twisted my hand around and shook my head, even though it was going to be sore in the morning. If they knew how much it hurt, Tony would be on the phone to Freddie and they’d hunt down the asshole. Rather than start the inquisition, Enzo turned on an action flick filled with explosions and car chases. Honesty could wait until morning. I was here, safe, and exhausted. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
The movie was still playing when a knock at the door jolted me awake. “Where is he?”
How in the fuck?
“He’s asleep in the living room,” Tony responded.
“I’m awake.” I sat up and smoothed my hands down my shirt before standing. As soon as Calvin came into view, I was filled with a confusing mix of anxiety and the need to jump over the back of the couch so I could confirm I wasn’t dreaming. “How’d you get here so fast?”
“We got on the road earlier today. Ryan’s got a wicked ear infection and no balance. I told him we could stay so he could support the guys, but he wanted to come home.” As he explained his early arrival, he stalked through the living room until we were standing chest to chest. “I called the restaurant when you weren’t answering your phone, and Tony told me you’d left already.
“I was ready to be angry with you for ignoring me, especially once he told me everything that’s been going on, but now I’m just glad you’re okay.” Calvin folded his arms around me, pressing my head to his chest as he kissed the top of my head. “Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again.”
“I’m sorry, Cal. I didn’t go in there tonight looking for someone to pick up. You have to believe me.” I fisted his shirt in my hands, scared that he’d pull away. That he wouldn’t trust me. And why should he? Whether or not I’d been trying to turn a quick trick, I went back there knowing what used to happen every single time. That fucker’s voice echoed in my head, berating me for being a whore, telling me the only thing I was good for was sucking cock.
“I know, baby. I called Eli on my way over here to see if he knew anything. He’s going to look at the cameras and see if he can make out the guy’s face. He won’t hurt you again.” I wanted to believe him, but there was no way I could take this to the cops. If I did, he’d show them the video and I’d wind up in a cell right beside him.
“I just want to go home,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to think about him anymore. You believe me that I didn’t want to leave with him, right?” It was imperative that I hear those words from Cal.
“Yes, baby, Tony told me what happened. That’s why I called Marisa and had her meet me at your brother’s to take Ryan home.” He sighed, and I took that quiet sound to mean there was something more he wasn’t saying. He believed me, but he was still upset with me. This weekend had been a test, and I’d let him down.
We quickly said our goodbyes. Both of my brothers hugged me tight, telling me they were glad I was okay. Calvin thanked Tony for being there for me and for calling him, then promised the guys he’d take care of me. It was an unnecessary promise, I realized, because ever since that first night Calvin caught me in the back room, that’s exactly what he’d been doing. But tonight proved his efforts may be too little, too late. The damage was already done and there would always be someone like that asshole tonight who thought that because they’d paid for a piece of me once, they could demand more now.
“Stop beating yourself up,” Calvin said as he helped me into the car.
Something Calvin mentioned bothered me. I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened at the bar tonight, but this was something I could clear up. “Cal, the only reason you didn’t know about the stupid shit going on with my brothers and at work is because you were out of cell range a lot of the time. I thought about texting you like we’d agreed, but I didn’t want your phone flooded when you had service again. I promise, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you again.”
“I believe you.” He waited until I buckled my seatbelt, then he closed my door. That was the end of the conversation until we got to Cal’s house. Our house. Hell, my brain was so jumbled I didn’t even know what to call it anymore. I stood at the threshold, reluctant to cross. No matter how many times Cal promised he trusted me, it did nothing to silence the voices in my head.Hisvoice in my head, now hurling insults borne from my own sub-conscious. “It’s been a long day, let’s go to bed.”
I allowed Calvin to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. I stood still as a statue while he stripped me out of my clothes. He tossed them into the hamper, but he could burn them for all I cared. I wanted to be rid of anything that could possibly remind me of what could’ve happened tonight. I shuddered as it crossed my mind how badly things would’ve likely turned out had Tony not happened to be walking up the sidewalk when he was.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now,” Calvin whispered, running his hands down my arms. I whimpered when he wrapped his fingers around my wrists, and he instantly released me. His nostrils flared as he took a few deep breaths. I’d never seen him this angry before. Wasn’t used to anyone getting so upset on my behalf. He guided me to the bed and released me long enough to pull back the comforter. “Lay down. I’m going to get you some ibuprofen and ice for that wrist.”
“I just need you, Cal.” I reached out to him, coming back with nothing but air as he was already on his way out of the room. Story of my life. I rolled over and clutched Calvin’s pillow, inhaling deeply as I prayed this wasn’t the beginning of the end. When he came back a minute or two later, ibuprofen and a bottle of water in one hand and ice pack in the other, I felt like an idiot. Calvin said he loved me. He proved it every day in the way he took care of me. We’d get through this.
“Sit up,” he instructed, sliding behind me as soon as I complied, opening the water and holding it out for me. As I sipped, he held the ice pack to my wrist and kissed the side of my head. “Is that helping?”
Physically, I ached, but Calvin holding me quieted the voices in my head. I relaxed against his chest, allowing my head to fall back against his shoulder. “This is perfect, thank you.”
20
Calvin
I curledmy fingers around the edge of the vanity and closed my eyes. It’d been an exhausting week, filled with frustration for both of us. I wanted to help Frankie get out of his head. Wanted to bring him to that place of peace he used to crave, but I was scared. Every night, I awoke to him thrashing around in the sheets, screaming for his assailant to let him go. He insisted he was fine because he wasn’t physically assaulted, but when he finally succumbed to exhaustion, his subconscious cried out for help. And I didn’t know how to pull him out of this.
He’d even taken some time off from work with Tony and Enzo covering for him so their mama didn’t barge into our house to find out what was wrong with him. As far as she knew, I’d surprised him with a much-deserved vacation. The guilt of lying to her on top of everything else had ground the man I love down to dust.
I heard Frankie crossing through the bedroom to our bathroom, so I splashed some water on my face and put my mask back in place. Right now, he needed me to be strong enough for both of us. I watched in the mirror as he approached me. Somewhere between the bed and here, he’d stripped out of his briefs. We maintained eye contact through the mirror as if there was a spell cast and I was incapable of turning around to greet him. Beneath the towel I wore following my morning shower, my cock thickened at the heat in his eyes. Yes, the pain was still there, but there was desire I’d ignored since the night of the incident, telling myself it’d be wrong to push him to do anything physical.
Frankie reached up as he closed the distance between us, running his fingers through my damp hair. When he pressed his chest against my back, I felt his erection press against the cleft of my ass. Although I almost never bottomed, in that moment, I wondered if that was something he would ever be open to. I sure as hell wasn’t insecure enough to think him fucking me would alter the dynamic we’d built between us.
He licked his way up my spine, collecting every rivulet of water like a man dying of thirst. “I need you, Cal. Stop trying to protect me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I told him, turning so I could look into his eyes. I cupped his ass, lifting slightly so our cocks rubbed together. “Don’t want to rush you before you’re ready. I’ll be here no matter how long that takes.”
“Now,” he insisted. “Need you to show me you love my broken pieces. Need to know you don’t see me as damaged goods. I’m never going to get better if you keep treating me like I’ll break.”
“Sex can’t fix this,” I argued. The harder Frankie worked to prove he wasn’t haunted by what had happened, the more I realized he needed more help than I could give him. I’d tried suggesting he talk to a professional, but he insisted he wasfine– god, I hated that fucking word – and that he didn’t need therapy. I disagreed.
