I am officially in panic mode. My gut is telling me something isn’t right. She’s never been this cagey with me. I need to find her, my mind flashing through all the awful things that could be happening right now. Like someone grabbed her after the show and she’s being held against her will.
I bolt back out of the RV and into the parking lot, checking between all the vehicles, asking anyone I come across if they’ve seen her. I turn and start going up and down the row of RVs, and when I round the corner of Kevin’s I stop, frozen in disbelief at what I see in front of me.
Tyler and Josh are walking through the parking lot, his arm slung over her shoulder, pulling her closer to his side as they walk. He says something and when she throws her head back and laughs, I feel like I’m going to pass out.
Relax, I say to myself.We’re in a major city and it’s dark.He’s probably just walking her back. Making sure she gets back here safe. They’ll break apart and she’ll come to me.
But when they walk right to Josh’s RV and he opens the door and she steps up and inside, it feels like someone has just shoved a knife into my chest.
I am going to fuckingkillhim.
I take two steps forward before I stop myself, bending at the waist and placing my hands on my thighs, trying to center myself and control my breathing.
I have no claim on her, and if I walk in there right now, I know I’ll see something I don’t want to see, and Iwillkill him. I warned him. Six months ago, I fucking warned him to stay away from her. Told him she was off limits. He knows how I feel about her, andthisis what he does?
I stand, running my hands over my face before tipping my head back and laughing.
“You are such a fucking idiot,” I murmur.
I try again to calm my breathing, going back through the techniques I learned early on in my quest for sobriety. Inhale for four seconds, hold for seven, exhale for eight. I can’t even hold for three seconds, so I try again. And again, and again before I give up and start pacing.
I take a lap around the lot as I go back into the recesses of my mind to try and pull anything that will help me fight the urge that is suddenly taking over.
On my second lap, I slide my phone out of my pocket, find my therapist’s number, and dial. It goes straight to voicemail.
I scroll again until I find the number for my sober coach. He doesn’t answer.
Fuck it. I can’t deal. I can’t handle my heart breaking like this again, and I find myself heading for the one place in this entire lot that I know will have what I need.
I damn near tear the door to the assistant’s RV off its hinges as I step inside, heading straight for the cupboard above the stove. I pull it open and grab Dani’s bottle of Patron before pulling the top off and taking two long pulls, the familiar burn spreading through my chest. Wrapping me in its warmth like a hug from an old friend.
I take one more swig before closing the cabinet and walking back to our RV.
How long has this been going on?
Apparently, Josh is really good in bed.
Her words from the first morning at my parents’ house echo through my mind as I climb onto our RV. I brushed it off as her messing with me. Trying to cover up the fact that she’dhad a dream about me, but…had they been fucking sincethen? All this time? All this time I’d been falling for her, and she’d been fucking one of my best friends?
I take another drink.
And then another.
And another.
And then I wait for the familiar darkness to consume me.
FORTY-FIVE
Ty
? Taciturn - Stone Sour ?
Josh’s interview was the last thing I needed, and I feel a mess of emotions as I walk through the parking lot back to my RV. I feel good about what I gathered over the last six months, excited to sit down and weave it all together, and anxious for Eric to read the first draft.
But more than anything, I feel sad that this is all about to come to an end. After tomorrow’s grand finale show, my contract ends, and I’ll be back home by breakfast. My eyes burn with tears just thinking about being away from Eric again.
I open the door to the RV and freeze when I ascend the stairs.
