We order drinks and pastries, making small talk about Brit's classes and Mom's new job at the community center. She volunteers there now, helping other families in crisis. Finding purpose in the wreckage Dad left behind.
We don't talk about him, and we never talk about what he did. Though all three of us are in therapy individually to help live with it.
Finally, Mom sets down her latte and looks at me directly. "So. What's the big news? You sounded excited on the phone."
I take a deep breath and then blurt out the words the only way I know how. "I'm pregnant."
Silence.
Then Brit squeals and launches herself out of her chair to hug me. "Oh my God! Ava! You're going to be a mom!"
I laugh, hugging her back. "Yeah. I am."
Mom's eyes fill with tears. Happy tears, I realize with relief. "Oh, baby. That's wonderful. How far along?"
"Three months. Just got past the scary first trimester." I rest my hand on my barely domed stomach. "We wanted to wait to tell everyone until we were sure everything was okay."
"And it is?" Mom asks, her voice tight. "Everything's okay? You're healthy? The baby's healthy?"
"Perfect," Renat answers for me. "We have the best doctors. The best care. Ava and the baby are both doing beautifully."
Mom nods, wiping her eyes. Then she reaches across the table and takes my hand. "I'm happy for you, Ava. I really am. I know this whole situation is... unconventional. But I can see that you're happy. And that's all I've ever wanted for you."
"I am happy, Mom." I squeeze her hand. "I know you don't understand how I could fall in love with someone like Renat. How I could choose this life. But I did. And I don't regret it."
"He treats you well?" she asks, looking at Renat now with a mother's protective scrutiny.
"He treats me like a queen," I say honestly. "He gave me everything I ever wanted. Security. A home. A future. Love."
"And he'll protect this baby?" Brit asks, her hand on my shoulder. "No matter what?"
Renat's expression goes soft in a way I rarely see in public. "With my life. This child will want for nothing. Neither will Ava. I swear it on everything I am."
Mom studies him for a long moment, then nods. "Okay. I'm so happy for you both."
We spend the next hour talking about baby names and nursery colors and all the normal things expecting parents discuss. It feels surreal. Normal. Like maybe we can build something beautiful out of the ashes our father left behind.
When it's time to leave, Mom pulls me into a tight hug.
"I wish things had been different," she whispers. "I wish your father had been the man we thought he was. I wish you could have had a normal life, fallen in love the normal way."
"I know, Mom." I hug her back. "But this is my life. And I'm happy with it."
"Then that's enough." She pulls back, cupping my face. "Be happy, baby. That's all I ask, and know I’ll always have your back, whatever comes to pass."
Renat and I say our goodbyes and head back to the car.
"That went well," Renat observes as we pull out of the parking lot.
"Better than I expected." I rest my hand on my stomach again, still getting used to the idea that there's a tiny life growing inside me. "They really are trying."
"They love you. They want you to be happy." He reaches over and covers my hand with his. "And you are happy. Aren't you?"
"Deliriously." I lean my head against his shoulder. "Six months ago, I was terrified and alone and convinced my life was over. Now I'm married to the love of my life, pregnant with his baby, and actually looking forward to the future. It's insane."
"It's beautiful." He presses a kiss to the top of my head. "You're beautiful. Our life is beautiful. Our family will be beautiful."
Family. The word makes my chest tight with emotion.
