In the margin, he’d written a note. My finger scanned it.
Sound familiar, Lowe?
I’m scared too. I’m still choosing you.
– Hash
My vision blurred, and I blinked hard, but the tears fell anyway. All week, I’d been concerned with how our relationship would look. I’d been telling myself ghosting him until I could figure out what to say was protecting the friendship and protecting my heart. Sitting here with that quote, that note, that man sitting outside in a folding chair after five days of trying? It didn’t feel like strength. It felt like stupidity. Suddenly, everything everyone had been saying flooded my brain—Tiana’s text, Dee’s message, Duality’s video of us looking in love.What are you doing, Harlowe?
I closed the book gently, wiped my face with the back of my hand, and stood up. If he was going to keep showing up for me, the least I could do was walk outside and decide whether I was going to show up back. I walked to the door, book in hand, and turned the knob before I could talk myself out of it.
Hasheem was right where he always was now, across the street in a folding chair, shorts and sneakers, a book in his lap. When the door shut behind me, his head lifted. Our eyes met, and he sat up straight, closing his book. Without looking away,he reached behind the chair and pulled out a bouquet of roses. My heart fluttered.
I walked down to the sidewalk and across the street, my legs weakening with every step.
“Just so you know,” I said, stopping in front of him, “I’m pretty sure parking outside somebody’s house with flowers and books counts as stalking in Azalea County.
He blinked like he was making sure I was real, then a slow grin tugged at his mouth.
“Good thing I’m just a concerned citizen conducting a wellness check.”
“A wellness check?” I scoffed, joining him in the empty folding chair next to him. “You knew I was alive.”
He laughed, and oh my, how I’d missed it.
“Alive ain’t the same as okay,” he said quietly. “And you ain’t been okay. I know you, Lowe.” That made my throat tighten, and I looked down at the roses, then back at him.
“You really started a sidewalk book club in front of my house,” I said. “Snacks and everything.”
“You taught me well.” His gaze dragged over my face. “Plus, you always said if a man didn’t read, he couldn’t touch you.”
“Wow.” I snorted. “Weaponizing my standards is crazy actually.”
He smiled, but it still had pain behind it. We sat there for a minute in the middle of the block.
“I read that page you underlined,” I blurted. “In the book.”
His eyes sharpened. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “The line about being scared ’cause you got something real to lose.” I swallowed. “That hit home for me because it’s exactly why I panicked. Loving you feels terrifying, and Zanzibar showed me what it might feel like to lose you. Then I got back home, and people were in my comments talking trash. I did what I always do. I pushed the brakes and panicked.”
He shook his head. “And left me crashing too,” he said. “I been over here missing you like fucking crazy, Lowe. I ain’t good without you. I want you to be my best friend and girlfriend. I want book rants you checking me when I’m on bullshit, arguments, makeup sex . . . everything. I wanna be your first call, but I wanna be that as your man, not just yoursafefriend.”
A tear slipped out before I could stop it.
“You’re really good at this,” I whispered. “You know that, right?”
“At what?”
“At being exactly the man I’ve been reading about my whole life,” I said. “You’re my best friend, Hasheem. And I’m in love with you.”
“I love you too, Lowe,” he said, voice rough. “Been loved you. I’m scared, yeah, but I’d rather be scared with you than safe without you.”
The part of me that always jumped to worst case scenarios tried to speak up.What if y’all break up? What if the people judge? What if—I shut it up. I wasn’t doing that anymore.
“So,” I said, looking up at him. “You just gonna sit out here and not ask me anything?”
“I already did.”
