We slipped out of the pavilion and onto the stone pathway toward the villas. The sky was already turning pink. If I was watching us, we’d look like a perfect little vacation couple. But we weren’t, and every step I took, my brain screamed at me,You just had sex with Hasheem, and you liked it, and you want to do it again, bitch!I couldn’t wait to get back to the villa so I could drop this little information in my chat with Dee.
“Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other,” I told myself, attempting to focus on making it back to the room. Once we got back there, I could fall apart like a proper crash out. I put my eyes on the ground and let the gravel crunch below my sandals. By the time we got to our door, my brain was fried. Hasheem swiped the keycard and pushed open the door. I didn’teven remember walking inside. All I knew was as soon as the door clicked shut behind us, I was free to fall apart.
“Oh my God,” I said, dropping my bag on the couch. “Oh my God, Hasheem. What did we just do?”
“We had sex.” He locked the door and leaned there, watching me like I was a show. “And we not about to make it a big deal.”
“I slept with your brother,” I blurted, like he didn’t already know that part. “Your blood brother literally took my virginity in y’all’s mama basement, and now, I just . . .” I waved a hand toward the door like it could point back at the massage room. “I just let you do that to me in a brand suite. I’m the family ho!”
“I mean . . .” He shrugged as he burst out laughing.
“I’m serious,” I said, pacing. I snatched my toiletry bag from the dresser, grabbed my bonnet, my lotion, anything. “My pussy might as well be a damn family heirloom at this point. Your mama is going to be like, ‘This Harlowe. Marcus’s first love. Hasheem’s. . .’” I froze, because I didn’t have a word. “I can’t even say it. Oh my God!”
“You doing the most, Lowe,” he said.
“Nah, I am doing the math,” I snapped. “I’m nasty. I need a shower. I need holy water. I need prayer.” I stomped toward the bathroom, still talking. “How did you let this happen, Harlowe?” I dropped my cover up on the floor and pulled off my bikini before twisting the shower handle and climbing in. I didn’t even have the patience to wait for it to warm. I stepped under the spray and let the water rain down on my body with my forehead pressed against the tile.
“Okay, Harlowe. Okay. You can fix this. You just . . . can’t ever do it again. You can compartmentalize. You can?—”
The glass door slid open behind me, halting my little motivational pep talk. I turned, hoping it was anybody other than who I knew it was.
“What are you doing, Hasheem?” I attempted to cover myself, like he hadn’t just seen all my goodies on display.
“Taking a shower,” he said, like it was obvious as he stepped in completely naked.
“With me?” My voice went up several octaves. “We can’t shower together. We already . . . you know.” I flapped a hand between us. “This is insane.”
“What’s insane about taking a shower with my girl?”
“Your what?” I asked, his words slapping me in the chest.
“My girl,” he repeated. “You heard me.”
“We did not have a meeting about that.”
“We had one on that table,” he said. “You just weren’t taking notes.”
I hated him. I hated how my mouth wanted to smile while I was trying to stay mad.
“Hasheem, this is messy,” I said, clinging to the only argument I had left. “I dated your brother. You were engaged to my friend. You are my best friend. You my safe person. We cannot?—”
“Turn around,” he cut me off quietly.
“Excuse me?”
“Harlowe. Turn yo’ fine ass around.”
I rolled my eyes on instinct, but my body listened before my brain could fight about it. I turned, hands finding the tile as he stepped up behind me, close enough that I could feel every place we still fit together. His hands slid over my shoulders and down my arms slowly with my body wash.
“This is so messy,” I muttered. “We are so messy. What are Marcus and Simone and your mom going to think? Oh my God. What about my parents? Before, we could say we were just faking a relationship, but this?—”
“Harlowe.” His voice cut clean through my rant. “Breathe.”
“I am breathing.”
“Cap.” His mouth brushed my ear. “You in your head again, spiralin’ about everybody but the two people who were in that cabana making the decision.”
“Because it’s a lot, Hasheem. Everyone is going to have an opinion.”
