"You were betting on us?" Ramsey's voice is dangerously low.
"Jesus Christ, this fucking family," Reagan mutters, running a hand through her hair. Then she narrows her eyes at me, a new thought clearly hitting her. "He didn't chloroform you and marry you first, right? I'm gonna be so fucking mad if you're married right now."
Ramsey's arm slides protectively around my waist. "Contrary to popular belief and that little thing where I was the officiant for you and fucking one flew over the cuckoo's nest there," he says, jerking his chin toward Penn, "I don't need to drug someone to marry me, nor would I ever do that to her. We're not married." His eyes narrow. "And why do you even assume she had sex with me?"
"Oh please," Reagan scoffs, crossing her arms. "You two are giving off major 'I just got dicked down' vibes. And let's be real, it was always going to be you."
"Can we not talk about my dick in front of the boys?" Ramsey asks, though I can hear the smug satisfaction in his voice.
"Dick!" Ransom suddenly shouts, looking up at Ramsey with wide eyes. "Dick, dick, dick!"
Riot, not to be outdone by his twin, comes barreling into the circle and joins in. "DICK! DICK! DICK!"
They start running circles around the living room, their little voices rising to ear-splitting levels as they scream, "DICCCCCCK!" at the top of their lungs.
Penn doubles over laughing while Reagan looks like she might murder someone—probably him. I'm frozen in place, mortified beyond belief as the twins continue their profanity parade.
"Boys!" Reagan shouts, lunging for them, but they're too quick, darting between furniture and continuing their chant.
"I'm going to fucking kill you," she hisses at Penn, who's still cackling like this is the funniest thing he's ever seen.
Lincoln and Iris are no help at all, both of them snorting with barely contained laughter. Even Jeremiah's shoulders are shaking as he tries to maintain some semblance of adult dignity.
"DIIIIIIIIICK!" The twins shriek one final time before disappearing down the hallway, their little feet pounding against the hardwood.
"Oh my god," I mutter, burying my face in my hands. Ramsey's arm tightens around me, and I can feel the tension radiating from him.
"Dinner's ready!" Oakley says, choosing to ignore the chaos.
Then, for absolutely no fucking reason I can fathom, she looks directly at me and says, "It was missionary, right? First time and all."
"What the FUCK?" I sputter, my face burning so hot I could probably fry an egg on it. "Oakley!"
Ramsey makes a strangled noise beside me, his entire body going rigid. His fingers dig into my hip, and I can practically feel him calculating the fastest escape route.
"What is wrong with all of you?" I snap, slapping a hand over my face. "Can we please not do this and just eat? I'd like to crawl into a hole and die right now."
"Sorry," Oakley says, not looking sorry at all. "Just curious. I have money on it."
"Is there anything you guys didn’t bet on?" The silence that greets me tells me everything I need to know.
Reagan's looking at me with amusement before concern washes over her. "You used protection, right?" she asks, lowering her voice slightly.
"Oh my GOD," I groan. "Yes, we used protection. We're not idiots."
That's a lie. We absolutely did not use protection, but I’m sure as shit not about to tell her that. I don’t need a lecture, especially not in front of everyone. All of whom literally do not use protection.
Penn pouts, a literal pout, and I swear its like the twins were cloned from him. I’ve seen those identical looks on two much smaller faces countless times. "Damn, was hoping the kids would have another cousin soon. They’re gonna befighting over baby bunny as it is." His logic is flawed but kinda cute. He just wants everyone to have their own cousin bestie. I wouldn’t know what that’s like, but I’ve had friends who did.
As we file into the dining room, Ramsey's hand never leaves my back, his thumb rubbing small circles against my spine. It's oddly comforting despite the mortification still coursing through me.
"I'm going to fucking kill Penn later," he whispers in my ear as he pulls out my chair.
"Get in line," I mutter back.
Chapter 30
Ramsey
