“It’s beautiful,” I answer to appease her.
“Redmond’s going to lose his tongue when he sees you in it,” she boasts, her lips stretching wide.
Crippling dread unfurls in my belly. My fingers tighten around the bag. “Why would he see me in it?”
She laughs, but the sound is hollow. “You’re almost a woman, Zilphia. You know why.”
I swallow, forcing down the coiling apprehension lodged in my throat. “Y-y-you want me to have sex with him?”
Her hand cracks across my face, sharp and fast. My head whips sideways, and I curl in on myself. “Don’t be stupid,” she hisses. “Never give yourself away for free. Tease him, but only enough to drive him crazy,” she cajoles, lightly skimming her fingertips over my stinging skin. “Let him explore your body… fondle your breasts… touch between your legs. You can jerk him off and even suck his dick, but do not fuck him. Not yet anyway.”
I sit frozen, bile burning the back of my throat.
“But I don’t love him.” A single tear leaves a wet trail on my cheek and drips onto my trembling hand.
“Love doesn’t pay the bills. Your top priority should always be financial security. Redmond’s family comes from old money. Play your cards right and you’ll be set for life.”
Momma’s enthusiasm when I told her Redmond asked me to the dance, and the costly preparations make sense now. She plans to pimp me out, use me as her personal cash cow, and elevate her status in Texas’s upper echelon.
“Do you love Daddy?” I ask, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear her say it.
Emotionless eyes cut me to the core. “No, I don’t.”
My heart crumbles at my feet, disintegrating into specks of dust. I can’t deny the truth any longer. My mother is a monster.
“No curfew tonight,” she announces, then seizes my chin in an ironclad grip. “Show Redmond a good time. Am I understood?”
“Yes,” I croak, suffocating nausea bowling me over.
The underlying message is unmistakable. Willingly participate in her convoluted plot or suffer the consequences.
She kisses my forehead. “Good girl.”
The engine reverberates through my paralyzed limbs, and soon we’re joining rush hour traffic on the highway. Though the air conditioner is set to max, anxious sweat dots my skin.
What mother encourages her teenage daughter to seduce a boy?
My gaze clings to the small pink paper bag still on my lap. It weighs a few scant ounces, but mentally it’s crushing me. I roll my hands into tight fists to keep from ripping the racy lingerie to shreds.
My morals can’t be exchanged for monetary gain. I’d rather be dirt poor. Love is supposed to develop naturally. It shouldn’t be forced. Marriage is a sacred union, and mine will not be based on lies. And, heck, I’m only fifteen. Tying the knot isn’t on my radar. There are so many goals I want to accomplish before settling down.
Momma turns on the radio.
“Oh, I haven’t heard this song in forever,” she gushes, notching up the volume.
While she sings along to the lyrics, my heart and mind scream in silent agony.
I hadn’t even planned on giving Redmond a good-night kiss, let alone allowing him access to my most private areas. Sam is the only boy I’ve ever been intimate with. Our kiss was explosive, but it’s a line we shouldn’t have crossed. There is nothing for us beyond friendship. We’re destined to walk separate paths in life.
The sudden silence alerts me that we’re home.
“Go shower. I’ll be in soon to do your makeup.”
“Okay,” I reply tonelessly.
I follow her into the house and listlessly climb the stairs to prepare for my downfall. My inner turmoil intensifies with each wavering step. The second my bedroom door clicks shut, my legs buckle under the oppressive burden heaped onto my shoulders, and I crumple to the carpet in despair.
My airway contracts, limiting oxygen flow and constricting my chest painfully. I reach for my purse and frantically fish out my asthma medication, then quickly inhale two deep puffs. Once the wheezing recedes, I drag myself to the bathroom. I shower and slip into my silk robe in a foggy daze before perching on my bed. The thong is a size too small, making it impossible to sit comfortably. It’s sure to leave an indent around my waist.
