My God, she is so goddamn gorgeous it hurts to look at her. The motorist behind me blows their horn and I peer ahead, seeing the traffic light is green. I step on the gas and turn in to the hotel parking lot on the next block.
“Why are we here?” Cocoa asks, tension stiffening her limbs.
I maneuver into an empty space. “I have a room here.”
“Kinda figured that, but I didn’t agree to come to your hotel room, Maverick. This isn’t part of our arrangement.”
“Thought you had questions.”
“I do, but we can talk in the Jeep.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You wanna pick my brain, come inside.”
She fiddles with the hem of her sweater. “We shouldn’t be alone.”
“Yeah, well I do a lot of things I shouldn’t do.” I leave the Jeep and head towards the entrance.
Cocoa catches up to me at the elevator. During the ride to my floor, she avoids eye contact and nibbles on her bottom lip. I fish my keycard out of my pocket and open the door for her to enter first, but she doesn’t move.
“After you,” I say.
“Can’t believe I’m willingly venturing into the devil’s lair,” she mumbles and traipses into the room but goes no farther than the entryway.
I saunter past her and toss the keycard on the microwave, then turn to face her. Everything about her draws me in.Restlessness beats at me and my hands twitch, needing to touch her soft skin.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I mean the world to you.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
She spreads her arms. “What are we doing?”
“I don’t know.” And that’s the truth. This is new territory for me.
“This has to stop.” She sighs, gesturing between us. “I’m tired of fighting you.”
“You think this is easy for me?” I ask, tunneling my fingers through my hair in frustration.
“I just want to get through the school year, then I never want to see you again.”
Her words are a blow to the gut.I never want to see you again.Cocoa can’t wait to expel me from her life while the thought of losing her cripples me. I pick up the coffee maker and hurl it across the room. It crashes against the wall, exploding into pieces. Broken, just like me.
“See, this is what you do.” Cocoa waves at the destroyed appliance. “You lose control and lash out.”
“You came into my life and fucked shit up. I’ve only known numbness for so long.” I tap my chest. “But you caused a spark here.”
“You’re so confusing.” She massages her temples. “You run hot one second, then in the next, you’re cold.”
“Cocoa, you’re in my head twenty-four seven. I’ve tried to do the right thing and leave you alone, but I’ve never been good at doing what’s right.”
“What made you this way? I need to understand.”
“John beat the shit out of my mother and me nearly every day. Forced me to watch while he raped her too. He’s the reason she committed suicide. Mommy dearest didn’t love me enough to stick around.” I laugh humorlessly. “After she died, things got worse. John started taking me on his hooker visits. The most sadistic shit imaginable was done to those women. He made me do things, and if I refused…”
I punch a hole in the wall, anger and resentment tearing through me.
