“I will not repeat myself!” he roars.
I can’t be here right now. I head back to my Jeep. My mind is in a tailspin. I’d give anything not to have emotions—to be completely numb and quiet my rioting soul. Subconsciously, I end up at my mother’s final resting place, seeking solace in the woman who chose death and abandoned me.
I grab a six-pack of beer from my trunk and amble to her gravestone.In Loving Memory of Grace Carolyn Carter,Beloved Wife & Mother.I plop the six-pack on top of the dark gray granite and pluck a bottle from the cardboard.
“Are you enjoying Hell?” I laugh mirthlessly.
I twist the cap off and down the crisp brew in seconds, then hurl the bottle at the stone. The shattered glass mirrors my pathetic life. The demons nipping at my heels are closing in on me. I grab another bottle and again, finish the contents in the blink of an eye. It joins the first in pieces on the ground.
“You never protected me.” The scorn in my tone is palpable. “Why couldn’t you be strong?”
I drop to my knees, bellowing loud and long, crushed by the weight of my inner turmoil.
Staying in on a Saturday night sucks. I lounge on my bed, listening to “Needed Me” by Rihanna blast from my cell phone’s speaker. This can’t be my life. In Los Angeles, it was rare for me to be at home on the weekends. Lo, Saint, Micah, and I were always getting into something. My thoughts wander to Maverick. I want to kick my own ass for being turned on a tiny bit by his brutality. That boy is seriously unhinged. For reasons unknown, he targeted me, but I’ll fight him tooth and nail. Eventually, one of us will concede. I’m just hoping it isn’t me.
The blaring of my ringtone interrupts my silent brooding.
“Hello.”
“Hey, diva.” Jamal’s bubbly voice shifts my dismal mood instantly. “What you up to?”
“Absolutely nothing.” I sigh. “I’m freaking bored out of my mind.”
“Wanna hang?”
I sit up. “Hell yeah.”
“Cool, be there in thirty.”
“Kay.”
I leap out of bed and do a happy dance to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I dress in skin-tight blue jeans, a leopard print bodysuit, and red heels. I apply a smidgen of makeup, twist my braids into a bun at the top of my head, and don my big gold hoop earrings.
I sprint up to Mom and Michael’s bedroom and find the pair cuddling on their bed, watching television.
“Aww, you guys are super-duper cute.” I lean against the doorjamb.
“Oh, stop it.” Mom’s cheeks redden.
“This is a man in love.” Michael kisses her on the forehead.
“You look beautiful, honey,” Mom says.
“Thanks.”
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“No clue, actually. A friend is picking me up.”
“Okay, have fun, sweetie. And be home at a decent hour.”
“I will.”
A loud horn sounds outside.
“That’s him, I have to go.”
“Him?” Mom smiles broadly.
