“I might as well have.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s my other secret. Do you want to hear it?”
“Yes, only if you want to share it with me.”
“That night, Cole asked me to go to the pool with him.”
I pause to take a deep breath, because this is the first time I’m telling this story to anyone.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready to.” Cin wipes tears from my face.
Fuck, I hadn’t even realized I started crying.
“I have to tell someone.”
Cin brushes my hair from my forehead before kissing it. “Okay, I’m listening.”
“He wanted to play with a motorized toy boat I bought him a few days earlier.”
My tears flow in earnest now. Cin will be repulsed by me once I tell her what I did.
“He kept pulling my arm, begging me, so I pushed him and told him to fuck off. I remember the look on his face—it’ll be etched in my mind forever. He was so damn scared because I’d never raised my voice at him before.”
“I know to you it seems that way—”
“If only I took twenty minutes to take him to the pool, he’d still be alive.” I turn my face into the warmth of her stomach, muffling my cries and drenching the area in my sorrow.
“You had no idea your brother would go to the pool without you. It’s not your fault. Fucked-up shit happens in the world all the time.”
“His terrified face is the last look he ever gave me before God took him away. I thought God was merciful. Why didn’t he spare the life of an innocent three-year-old boy? God can kiss my ass.”
Now she knows the secret that’s been burning a hole through my brain, and she doesn’t hate me. She doesn’t think I’m the worst kind of monster. I feel an undeserved sense of relief.
“No one else’s words are going to help you through the battle you’re going through. I can’t begin to understand how you feel. You’ll have to find peace within yourself. I’m so sorry about your brother.”
Cin and I lie together for a little while longer with her running her fingers through my hair. Some of the weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
“Art. Wake up.”
I roll over on the bed, pulling the covers from my face to peer at Ricky, who stands in the doorway.
“Don’t you knock?”
“I did, but you didn’t answer.”
“What do you want?”
“Come into the living room.”
Shit, he must’ve heard about Danny. I sigh, detangling myself from the bedding to trudge behind him into the living room where Josh and Cin already sit on the sofa.
“Art, have a seat.”
“What’s the team meeting about this morning, and will I be getting paid overtime for attending?” I sit next to a squirming Cin.
“Danny has a broken arm and a punctured lung. It’ll take him weeks to recover. I want the truth about what happened last night.”
