Me: I promised Anneli.
Trevor: Okay, come over after school tomorrow.
Me: Okay.
I rest my head against the steering wheel. Shit… I opened Pandora’s Box.
“So what’s up?” Anneli devours a spoonful of Blue Bell banana pudding ice cream.
When I arrived, she grabbed our favorite treat from the freezer. Not the healthiest breakfast, but delicious nonetheless. For the last half hour, we’ve been lounging on her bed talking about the upcoming track and field season.
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you over at my house at seven-thirty in the morning?”
“I didn’t know it was a crime to visit a friend,” I snap, throwing the spoon in the carton.
“Come on, Cin. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
The waterworks start then. God, I’m a complete and utter mess. Anneli leans over, wrapping me in her embrace.
“Oh, sweetie. What happened?”
“I did something really shitty, but that’s not the worst part. I liked it, and I want to do it again. I’m afraid of myself.”
Though Lilah is my cousin, I have more of a connection with Anneli, and she’s not a gossip, so I’m more comfortable talking to her. Anneli is also brutally honest and won’t blow smoke up my ass.
“It’s not the end of the world,” she assures me.
“It feels like it.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. What’s done can’t be undone. The question you have to ask yourself is—what are you going to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again? Once is a mistake, twice is inexcusable.”
I was so sure of what I wanted before Art came along. Trevor and I have had several long conversations about the future. I know the likelihood of high school sweethearts ending up happily married after college is slim, but Trevor and I were optimistic. I love Trevor. I know my actions say otherwise, but I really do. My feelings for Art are strong, but we could never be together. He’s waging a battle inside his mind I can’t begin to help him with. Still, I went to his bedroom knowing what would happen.
Once I was sure everyone was asleep, I crept downstairs. I told myself I only wanted to see if he was okay, but we ended up fucking over and over again. The blood seeping from his fresh cuts didn’t stop the vigorous thrusts he delivered to my body. Using protection with Art never entered my mind. I know I won’t get pregnant since I opted for birth control when I became sexually active with Trevor. Though, to his dismay, I still insisted he wear a condom for a long time afterwards, explaining I wasn’t ready for that type of intimacy. Having someone come inside me is a huge deal to me, so I don’t understand my decision to let Art break that barrier.
“I’m so ashamed,” I whisper as the memory washes over me. Anneli rubs my back.
I cry more. What’s going to happen when I go home tonight? Will Art be waiting up for me?
“I know what will make you feel better.”
“What?”
“Shopping,” she answers with a big smile.
“Shopping makes you feel better.” I laugh. Anneli is a certifiable shopaholic. For me, shopping is kryptonite.
“True. Still, I think it’ll help take your mind off things.”
“All right. I’m in.”
“Open your legs, so I can eat your pussy,” Art says, kneeling on the bed in front of me.
“We can’t,” I whisper.
“I’m not leaving until I get a taste.” He pulls my panties down my legs.
