‘You’re going to have to admit the truth to yourself sooner or later,” says Dee.
How can I do that when I don’t know what the truth is my damn self?
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I used to be in complete control of my feelings until Cocoa came here and turned my life upside down. After what happened at Kayla’s birthday party, I shut her out again, pretending like she doesn’t have an effect on me when the truth is I’m completely aware of her. It’s been almost two weeks since I was last inside her.
I could’ve fucked another girl, but I couldn’t because there’s only one girl I crave now. I’m unfamiliar with this type of need I have in me. For so long, pain was my only sustenance. Football season kept me grounded, but the championship game was on the Friday before Kayla’s party. We won, but for me it wasn’t all about the win, it was the rush. The physical exertion from practice and games helped me reach the high I needed, but now I’m running on empty. I fight at the club more often, but it only takes the edge off a little. I need more.
I need… her.
Dee, Nix, and I are at a bowling alley in Charleston. Dee and Nix talked me into going out because my attitude has been more volatile lately, according to them. They said I need to get out more, to do other things besides fighting.
“Strike! That’s what I’m talking about, baby,” shouts Dee like he just won a million bucks.
“Lucky shot,” says Nix.
“Were the other several strikes just luck, too? You’re just mad that my score is higher than yours, and I won the last game.”
“Yeah, but I won the first two games.”
I didn’t win any games.
Dee and Nix are super competitive, and they take winning very seriously.
“Hey guys, it’s nice bumping into you here.”
We all return Mr. Thompson’s greeting. I didn’t see him approach.
“This is my wife, Kelly. Kelly, this is Demetrius and Phoenix. You’ve already met Maverick.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Demetrius and Phoenix. Maverick, it’s good to see you again.”
“Kelly and I are part of a bowling league. We have a game tonight.”
“Michael, I’m going to run to the lady’s room before the game starts.”
“Okay, honey.” After she leaves, Michael turns to us. “It’s my first time seeing you guys here.”
“This isn’t something we usually do,” says Nix.
“Oh, okay. How’s Cocoa doing in school?”
“Okay, I guess. Why?” I ask.
“It’s just that her mother and I are worried about her. She hasn’t been her usual bubbly self. She didn’t try out for the cheerleading squad, even though she’s been a cheerleader every year since elementary school. She seems out of sorts, and as the weeks go by, it gets worse. Kelly and I think the sudden move is having a negative impact on her. We thought maybe there was some bullying going on at school that she doesn’t want to tell us about. I hate to ask this, but have you noticed anyone bullying her?”
None of us say a word.
“Hey, I’m back. Are you ready to bowl?” asks Kelly.
“Yes, I’m ready. We’ll finish this discussion later,” says Mr. Thompson, walking off with his wife.
I wanted to break her, to cause her pain, to destroy her, and now it seems like my goal is in reach, but I feel torn now.
“This has to stop, Mav,” says Dee.
I rub my hand down my face. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“We’re all guilty of bullying her in some way, but it all has to stop now,” adds Nix.
