“We’ve never seen you act like this, you want this girl,” says Dee.
“Stay out of my damn business.”
“We’ve been friends for a long time, we love you man,” says Dee.
I don’t know how to respond to that statement. I don’t know how to show emotion.
“Don’t let what your father did to you fuck up the rest of your life,” whispers Nix.
“I know you both mean well but stay the fuck out of it. What happens, or doesn’t happen, between Cocoa and me don’t concern either of you.” I say, leaving the cafeteria. I’m conflicted about what I did to her yesterday, but I liked it, so I know that makes me a piece of shit. John created a wild animal. It’s hard for me to forget everything that was beaten into me as a child. I can’t control my urges or the hate inside me. I like to feel and inflict pain.
When I walk into Montgomery Preparatory on Thursday afternoon, I walk to my mom’s classroom. She sent me a text asking me to stop by before starting the tutoring session with Kayla.
“Hi baby,” she says when I walk into the classroom.
“Hi, Mom, what’s up? I ask her.
My mom leaves the chair behind her desk to take a seat at a student’s desk.
“Take the seat beside me, Cocoa.”
Something tells me that I won’t like this conversation with my mom. She looks over at me.
“You haven’t been your usual self lately. Your bubbly personality has been more subdued. Recently you told me that everything was okay, but I thought I’d ask again.”
“Mom, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Don’t tell me not to worry about you. You are my life, and your happiness matters to me. I feel like you haven’t been honest with me. If anything at school is causing you distress, I expect you to tell me. There’s always been open communication between us. I never want that to change.”
I grasp my mom’s hand and lightly squeeze it.
“Nothing is going on. It’s my senior year, so the pressure is on, that’s all.” I lean over to kiss her on the cheek. “I promise.”
“Okay, just remember that you can always talk to me.”
“I better get going. I don’t want to be late for Kayla’s tutoring session.”
“Okay.”
I feel like the worst daughter in the world. I can handle what’s going on. The school year will be over soon. The only person I have to guard against is Maverick.
I take the seat next to Kayla.
“Guess what?” asks Kayla.
“What?”
“I got a B+ on my math test yesterday,” she says, reaching over to give me a big hug.
“Good job, I knew you could do it.”
Kayla holds out her test for me to view her hard work with a huge smile on her face.
“I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“I don’t give up easily,” I say, releasing Kayla from my embrace.
Kayla looks as if she’s about to cry.
