Nora’s eyes went wide. “I’m not on his side, I swear! I’m totally Team Emilia, but I’m just saying that while you two were together you seemed really happy. In a way I’ve never seen. That has to count for something.”
“Yeah, it was me being a dumbass,” I replied. “Live and learn. Never again.”
“Shhh!” Nora hissed at me and jabbed her finger towards the TV. “There you are! Oh my god, you look stunning!”
It was footage from one of the early one-on-one interviews, which Dorian had told me was my chance to ‘establish my character.’ It was TV-speak to describe how the show was going to frame my arc. I’d gone into the interview with the intent of showing myself as nothing more or less than an incredibly competent wedding planner.
The edit had other ideas. As I talked about how I love making my clients’ dreams come true, the footage showed me in various shots with Drew, as if we were going over the details of the wedding as a team. I still looked competent, but the footage was selling our relationship more than my hard work.
“Why are all of the cut-aways showing me with him?” I complained. “In the beginning of the taping we barely spent any time together. This is revisionist history.”
“Hey, you signed the consent form,” Nora reminded me. “You know they control your likeness now, good or bad.”
The footage wasn’t a complete lie. Drew and I had worked side-by-side for much of the wedding as the planning progressed, but the way each shot was framed highlighted the brewing attraction between us. To the viewers, this probably wasn’t surprising since the show immediately mentioned that Drew and I were already engaged, butIcould see the new sparks and curiosity about each other unfolding in real time.
And I could also pick up on the cracks in the facade. The split-second shot of us having the escargot fight was a reminder about how condescending he’d been to me. The sappy, lovesick footage hurt, but each reminder of the real problems Drew and I had had was an arrow in my quiver.
The show moved on to the b-roll of how Kristen and Carter met.
“Damn,” Nora said. “That’s quite the meet-cute.” She turned to face me. “Do we like him, or am I crazy?”
“We do,” I agreed. “He can come off as a tool but deep down he’s a decent guy, and I honestly think he’ll be a good husband. He’s demanding, shallow, and a total pretty-boy but he just happens to adore his new wife.”
“Kind of a dicey combination but okay.”
The show cut to one of my sit-down interviews with Drew. I squealed and covered my eyes when it went to a close-up of me.
“Stop,” Nora scolded. “You look gorgeous!”
I peeked through my hands and watched the two of us laugh and flirt our way through our answers. Damn it, my worst fears were being confirmed. Wewereadorable.
“I don’t know,” Nora shook her head. “That looks like real sexual tension to me.”
“Well duh, he’s hot as fuck, of course you can pick up on me wanting to jump his bones.”
She frowned and kept watching. “No, it’s more than that. The way he looks at you …”
Nora trailed off. The footage was of me answering a question, which seemed innocent enough.
“Watchhim,” she instructed. “Not you. Look at the way he’s listening to you. He’s totally focused. Actually, I’d say he’s closer to obsessed!”
I’d been so consumed with making sure I looked and sounded like I knew what I was doing that I hardly noticed the way that Drew was hanging on my every word. Like, his body was swiveled so he could see my face yet his arm was pressed up against mine. And when I said something goofy he broke out in what sounded like genuine laughter.
Hearing it made my heart ache.
“I don’t know, my dude,” Nora sighed as the show pivoted back to the couple of the hour. “You two need to figure out your shit.”
“What are you talking about? It’s all sorted. He’s an asshole and whatever we had is over.”
That should have been case closed. But it was like the fates were listening in and wanted to remind me exactly why I’d fallen for him in the first place. The show moved on to the scene where I was on the phone with the vet office getting Winston’s surgery estimate, shot from a distance. Even though you couldn’t hear what I was saying my expression made it obvious that the call was tense. Dorian had wisely spliced in footage of Drew looking on from a short distance behind me, looking equally stressed.
Like, full onworried. Seeing how my concern was echoed in his expression chipped away at the protective coating on my heart. We hadn’t even entered into our faux-mance at that point but for some reason Drew looked like he wanted to take a bullet for me. As much as I didn’t like Dorian, the man was a masterful storyteller. I knew that there was a car crash awaiting that girl on the screen a few weeks down the line yet I was just as invested in our romance as a first-time viewer.
I slumped back against the couch as the show rolled on, hating every second of blissed out smiles between us. The game of Never Have I Ever was funnier and raunchier than it had seemed in the moment with the quick cuts and background music, and Dorian added on-screen graphics as if my ‘nevers’ were a to-do list for Drew.
Funny. Cute.
Heartbreaking.
