Finally we all file out.
Red Row is silent and dark under the moonlight. Niko holds my hand again for the walk back to Onyx House.
There’s so much I want to say, yet I don’t know how to bring up any of it.
The other guys head inside first, and Niko pulls me back, keeping me on the front steps of the house.
“I know people are saying this isn’t my fault,” he tells me, reaching a hand up to brush a lock of my hair from my face. “But I know it’s my fault.”
Shit.
He feels guilty.
“Don’t sweat it. These guys like a little action in their lives, I promise you.”
His dark hair blows in the wind.
His eyes are tired, and so soulful it takes me by surprise, all over again.
It still strikes me how handsome he is, even after seeing endless photos of him and spending time with him in person, too.
He has a mix of stark handsome features and soft beauty like no one else I’ve ever seen. The size of his pupils is starting to lessen, but I’ve never seen him look so grounded.
No posturing, no ego.
Niko Berlant with no mask. Something I’ve never seen before.
“I fucked up the winter formal for you, Ollie.”
“We danced for hours,” I tell him. “So many people saw us together. We took photos. We did everything I wanted.”
“You wanted it to be a perfect night. You deserved that.”
I wave a hand through the air. “Perfectis fucking overrated, isn’t it? Maybe I can handle it if things are a little fucked up.”
He exhales and draws me in close, pressing his lips to mine.
It never feelsnormalwhen I kiss Niko, because my bodyresponds to him with such primal, almost shameful amounts of need.
But this kiss is even different than all of the ones before.
The first thing that catches me off guard is that it’s sweeter than anything I’ve felt from him. His mouth always feels a little needy, and this one is no exception, but he clutches me close and kisses me like he’s bringing himself back down to Earth from my touch.
I keep expecting him to pull away.
To realize that the other guys went inside a long time ago, realize that there’s noreasonfor us to keep kissing like this, his lips pulling on mine out in the cold like we’re a couple reuniting after a war.
When he does pull back from a breath, he still doesn’t move away.
He leans his forehead on mine and I can feel his breath against my skin.
“I want more for you, Ollie,” he murmurs. “You’re going home for Christmas break soon, right?”
A glint of light from the front of the house catches on the silver of his dragonfly necklace. I reach up and run my fingertips along it, remembering when I only used to see it in videos.
“I’m going back to my family home. Yeah.”
“Then we have to make tonight count. I want you to have more than this.”
