Just like that.
“Why didn’t you?” I manage to say, my voice hoarse, like I’ve been punched in the throat repeatedly. Every fiber of my being is hurting and I don’t know what I can do to stop this train from going off the rails.
She shakes her head, wiping off the tears that have started to fall. “I couldn’t—you started telling me about doubles and how you wanted to play with me and I just—couldn’t.”
“And now? Have you changed your mind about doubles?” I ask, but it’s not the question I’m dying to know the answer to.Have you changed your mind about us?Because that’s what playing together means to me. It means going all in.
“As fun as it was, Rowan, it’s not for me,” she says, giving me a devastated look. I hate it. I hate all of this. She’s been trying to break up with me for months while I’ve been trying to propose. I’m such a fucking fool.
I nod, trying my best to not fall apart and cry in her arms.Because that’s not what she needs. And I’m not what she wants. All this time, I’ve been chasing a fantasy. The reality is, while she might love me, she doesn’t love me enough to fight for me. I’d face whatever scrutiny by the media, fight any battle just to be by her side, but she doesn’t feel the same.
“I guess I know where you stand now,” I manage to say, walking over to the nightstand and finishing both whiskeys before I walk out of her hotel room.
“I need a drink,”I tell Jacob when I join him at the hotel restaurant an hour later. He got us a table in the back, away from most prying eyes. Not that I care much right now about others seeing me drunk, but I know it would disappoint Maggie. And even though she broke my heart into a million pieces tonight, I still can’t bring myself to do or say anything to hurt her.
“I love her so much,” I say a minute later, drink in hand.
“Mate, we’re gonna fix this. I swear I’ll make it up to you,” Jacob says, tearing into the bread on our table and placing some in front of me.
I take a bite of it and chew, but I can’t even enjoy it. “I’m not sure there’s anything left to fix,” I say morosely. “She doesn’t want me.”
“Of course she does. She loves you too, she’s just scared,” he says, trying to convince me. But I’m beyond convincing now. All I want is to wallow.
“Look, just lay low for a few weeks, let the media catch a whiff of something else, and then revisit the conversation,” Jacob suggests.
“Yeah, maybe.” I nod.
“Want to come back to London with me until the French Open?”
“What about practice?” I ask, frowning.
“You can practice with me,” he says, shrugging.
“We’re literally competing against each other,” I deadpan.
“So? There’s no law against us practicing together.”
“What about Maggie?” I say, still thinking of her best interest.
“She’ll be fine, mate. I promise,” Jacob says, his blue eyes kind and truthful. I nod, agreeing to visit him for a few weeks.
Maybe some time away will help clear my head and figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do next. Do I tell Maggie about the ring? Do I let her go for good?
CHAPTER 28
Maggie
April - Las Vegas
I fall apartin my hotel room, crying until there’s nothing left. I feel like I got hit by a bus over and over again. Dragging myself to the bathroom, I drink water straight from the sink just to quell my thirst.
I guess I know where you stand now.
Why did I say all those things? Why did I push him away when he was the only one in my corner? The pressure behind my eyes comes back in full force and I sob my way through a shower before passing out on the cold bed.
He was right. I did it because I was scared.
Because I’m a fucking coward. I’m no betterthan my dad.
