I nodded along, not knowing what else to say.
He was right though. I’ve realized that my real issue is with giving up control. Not just on the court, but beyond it too. I started this agreement with Rowan so I could be in control of my feelings. I did it thinking that a list of rules will keep me from opening up my heart to someone only for them to break it.
I didn’t know ten years ago that I would come to love Rowan this much. That our lives would be so entwined and that I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to him. That I wouldn’twantto say goodbye.
I’m trying to work through my existential crisis when Rowan calls me. I pick up right away and try to sound more cheerful than I feel.
“Hey, Ro. What’s up?” I ask, running my hand through my hair and pacing the length of my kitchen.
“Do you have plans for the weekend?” he asks, sounding out of breath. Archie barks in the background and I smile, guessing the two of them are out on a run.
“Nothing except practice. Why?”
“Boone and Garrett asked if we wanted to go camping with them. It would be for two nights, but we’d need to drive up there.”
“Oh, wow. Camping,” I say, mulling it over. “I haven’t been camping since I was like twelve.” I chuckle.
“It could be a good bonding activity,” he sing-songs. “And we can even bring Archie. The only downside is we’ll have to leave Thursday and come back Tuesday.”
“That’s…more than a weekend, Rowan.”
He sighs. “I know. I would skip it, but?—”
“But you haven’t hung out with your friends in forever and you want to go?”
I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, “Exactly.”
“Hmm,” I say, walking to my closet and looking for anything campy.
“If you don’t want to, I can just fly in and borrow some gear. I think Boone would let me sleep in his tent. Garrett might be a tough sell,” he jokes.
“No, I want to. It could be fun, like a little getaway,” I say, heart in my throat, knowing that I’ll get to spend more time with Rowan, with nowhere to run. No way to avoid him again. Not when we’re supposed to bond more for this exhibition match.
“Well, we haven’t had a getaway since Italy, so I’d say we’re overdue,” Rowan says and I blush, thinking back on our vacation last year after the French open. My heart is in my throat thinking back on everything we said and did on that trip.
“Okay, I’m in,” I say quickly, pulling out athleisure outfits.
“I was also thinking about inviting Jacob, if that’s okay. He’s in the US visiting some friends and he could meet us at the state park.”
“Oh, sure. I don’t see why not,” I say.
“Great, I’ll pick you up Thursday.”
“Okay, can’t wait.”
The driveto the Devils Fork State Park is exactly eleven hours according to maps. Rowan showed up in my driveway with a rented Jeep full of camping supplies and a very excited Archie in the backseat. And even though we’ve been on flights together, some longer than eleven hours, being stuck in a small space with him is making me want to scream from the rooftop how much I love him.
He thoughtfully packed everything I would need and walked me through the plan step by step. We’ll spend the night somewhere in South Carolina tonight before continuing the drive to the campsite in the morning and meeting up with the rest of the guys.
I’ve helped with some navigation and handed him snacks, but for the most part, I’ve been spoiled rotten as the passenger princess. Rowan gave me the aux cord and I’ve been playing a variety of music, landing on The Teskey Brothers for the past hour.
The place Rowan rented for the night is a cute and cozy A-frame in the woods, a couple hours away from our campground. It’s dark by the time we unpack the essentials from the car and head inside.
“I may not be the world’s best chef, but I did bring some groceries to make us pasta. Would you like some?”
“Trying to recreate our trip to Italy?” I joke, heart in my throat just thinking about that trip and everything we shared that week. The food, the wine, and…everything else.
Rowan’s expression is pensive, his hazel eyes boring into mine from across the room. “I don’t think I could recreate it, no matter how hard I tried.”
