I’m speechless for a moment, digesting everything he’s saying. Doesn’t he know how proud of him I am?
“First off, that tattoo was never gonna happen. In fact, I’ve added ‘no matching tattoos’ to the list,” I say and he sighs. “As for the rest, Rowan, listen to me—because I’m only going to tell you this once.” His hazel eyes find mine and hold fast. I swallow and say, “The only person you should be doing this for is yourself. No one else. I know you, so I know you’re not going pro to chase fame or money. You’re chasing excellence. So when you’re out there, you’re not competing with Jack Dunn or Alexei Ivanov or any of those top players. You’re competing against yourself.”
Rowan relaxes in my arms, his tears starting to dry up. “But what if I’m not enough?” he asks so quietly I almost don’t hear it.
“That’s impossible. As long as you put in the work, you’ll always be enough. Even on your worst days—and you will have worse days—you’ll still be enough, because the only person you need to surpass in this game is yourself.”
He gives me a small smile. Nothing more than a twitch of his lips, but I’ll take it. “So you won’t ditch me to find a better hitting partner?” he asks in a self-depracating tone. But I see the vulnerability in his eyes. He really thinks I’d leave him behind.
“What did I tell you when I moved here? As long as you’llhave me, I’ll be here,” I say, repeating what I told him a year ago. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Okay.” He nods, swallowing hard.
“What can I do to make you feel better?” I ask, my fingers resuming their movement in his hair.
Rowan’s eyelids flutter shut and the last thing he says before falling asleep in my arms is, “Can you just hug me?”
We fall asleep on the couch and wake up tangled in each other’s arms. I keep holding him every night that week. And the week after that. Until eventually he’s ready to buy a house with his runner up prize money. He splurges on a townhouse in the same neighborhood as me, and if my traitorous heart misses him when he moves in—well, she’ll just have to deal with it.
The List
No kissing
No cuddling
No spending the night
No telling anyone*
No hickeys
No PDA
No matching tattoos
No falling in love
CHAPTER 16
Maggie
Four Years Ago - New York
“I hate it here,”I say morosely as I press closer to Rowan. He curls a protective arm around my shoulder, holding on to the handrail with another.
“C’mon, Mags, it’s not that bad.” He grins down at me and my fingers curl the soft fabric at the back of his shirt. A small smile plays on my lips but it quickly dies down when a group of people dressed in clown attire hop on the train. The doors close and we’re pressed even closer together. I breathe in his scent, letting it ground me.
“It’s bad,” I whisper into his chest and he holds me closer. We try to keep our distance when we’re out in public, but it’s seemingly impossible to do that on this train.
I’m hungover and tired, but Rowan promised me the best NY bagel, so I went along with his plans. After we both won the US Open this weekend, we decided to go out and celebrate. Andreea couldn’t make it this time since she had to fly outand meet her boyfriend’s parents, but after how drunk she got last year when we all celebrated by hitting every bar in Queens, it’s probably for the best.
I smile into Rowan’s chest at the memory of last year and how ecstatic he was to win his first Grand Slam after putting in so much work. Boone, Garrett, and his mom all came to support him. This time around, they had to leave right after the championship and get back to work.
My relationship with my dad has gotten worse, to the point where we barely speak throughout the year. It’s like no matter how hard I try, or how many Grand Slams I win, he still doesn’t think I’m good enough. Doesn’t even bother to show up. And that’s all I ever wanted from him—his support.
“Are you bummed that our family and friends couldn’t stay longer and celebrate?” I softly ask and Rowan’s forehead touches mine gently.
“I have you, and that’s enough for me,” he admits and I bite the inside of my lip. One year of living so close to this man, having him whenever and however I want, and it’s still not enough. I want to ask for more, but I’m scared of what the spotlight could do to us. I’ve seen professional tennis players’ relationships fail from a young age as I traveled with my dad while he coached. I’ve seen my own parents’ marriage fail because of the media. The last thing I want is for Rowan to end up resenting me in any way.
