“I’ll be right back,” Alysse said.
She left the table area and headed over to Jay. It was one thing to realize they’d been playing house but another thing entirely when she admitted that she’d set it up to test him. Did she honestly think that if they lived together and had these pretend lives together, he wouldn’t leave?
She knew that she had been playing games with herself and trying to entice him to stay by showing him her family and friends. Today she had got it—if she wasn’t enough for him then all the cool people she surrounded herself with wouldn’t make her satisfy him either.
Jay was searching for something and she couldn’t give it to him. If he could fulfill that part of himself that had been missing with her, then maybe they had a chance. And if he couldn’t, it was time for her to cut her losses and move on.
Alysse couldn’t find Jay at first and then noticed her mom was missing, too. She scanned the beach and found her lover standing in the shade with a brick retaining wall at his back. She smiled at that, but the smile soon left her face as she spotted her mom standing next to Jay and talking very animatedly to him.
Jay was nodding and had his arms crossed over his chest. He was being respectful or at least it seemed that way to her from where she was. And she felt a moment’s panic. What if this scared him into leaving her again?
She took a deep breath and then let it out.
There it was, she thought. The fear that dominated every second of her thoughts and lurked in the back of her mind. She hated that she was filled with fear, but even acknowledging it wouldn’t make it go away.
The only thing that would was some reassurance from Jay and she knew that was asking the impossible. She walked briskly over to her mom and Jay and they stopped talking when they saw her.
“Am I interrupting?” Alysse asked.
“No,” her mom said. “I was just telling Jay that I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”
Really?Then she looked at Jay and he was grinning. He’d enjoyed chatting with her mom about her. She didn’t know how he’d done it but they both seemed to be getting along. “Well, I am happy right now.”
“Good. I warned Jay that if he made you cry again I’d come after him and I might not have his skills with a weapon but I do know how to protect my own,” her mom said.
“Candi, I can respect that,” Jay said.
“Good,” her mom said. She patted Jay on the shoulder. “Thanks for listening to me.”
“No problem,” Jay said. Her mom gave Alysse a quick hug and then returned to the picnic area.
“What was that about?”
“She had some things to say to me and needed to clear the air,” Jay replied.
“Was it okay? Did she upset you?” Alysse asked.
“I’m a man, Aly, I don’t get upset,” he said.
“Then what do you get?” she asked.
“Pissed off. But your mom really loves you and only wants what is best for you, and I can’t get mad about that,” he said.
“Good. I wanted...I’m not sure how to say this,” she said. Now that she was standing in front of him the words she wanted to say wouldn’t form in her mouth.
“Just spit it out,” he said.
“Are you planning to leave me again?” she asked in one long breath.
He looked taken aback and stood up straighter. “I don’t know.”
Those quietly spoken words weren’t the ones she was looking for and they shot dread straight through her.
“It’s time for your brother’s match,” Jay said. “We can talk about this later.”
She let him lead her to the volleyball game and, though she pretended to watch, her mind was on his words and the fear in her heart just grew larger.
JAY PULLEDTHECAR to a stop in front of Alysse’s place. His bike was stored in her garage and he knew he’d be leaving tonight. He had enjoyed hanging out with her, but they both knew she needed something more from him. Something he wasn’t going to be able to deliver.
