Immediately, he turned away from the group and began walking down the beach. He didn’t belong in Alysse’s life, did he need more evidence than what he’d just seen? This was a big part of her world and he was never going to fit in here.
He didn’t understand its currents and patterns the way he did the corps. It didn’t matter that he’d spent all his adult life in the Corps, he should be able to adapt to almost anything. What was the matter with him? Did he really not want to be with Alysse?
That was the answer he’d been searching for, and it’d been right here in front of him the entire time. He didn’t fit in Alysse’s life because he couldn’t adapt the way she did. He’d seen her go from the bakery, where she was very at home, tothe beach, and she probably had a dozen other roles she filled with ease.
He only had one. Marine. Did he want to leave the Corps behind and take a chance with Lucien and Company B? Or was he simply going to continue his same path? Honestly, he just wanted to stay where he was, but he knew that wasn’t the way to a successful life, not anymore. Not for him, anyway.
“Jay?”
He turned and saw Alysse jogging toward him. She still wore her wet suit, which lovingly hugged every inch of her body. Her ginger hair appeared darker, almost brown, as it hung in long, wet tendrils around her face and his heart soared. He didn’t want to leave her and yet he had no idea if he could stay.
There was no way he could ask her to be a part of his life while it was a mess. And tonight had proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that his life was really still FUBAR.
ALYSSE HAD THOUGHTTWICE about catching Jay, but in the end he’d looked so forlorn that she had no choice. He carried himself with pride. The man was an island and she felt acutely that he didn’t want or need her or anyone else. But she couldn’t just leave him to it.
Admittedly, she hated that she cared about Jay, because she shouldn’t. He’d hurt her and she knew better than to trust him. But there was a part of her that understood the struggle he was going through.
“You okay?”
He clenched his jaw and she saw a glimpse of a man she’d never seen before in his eyes. He was a hard man and she had no doubt that he could survive in any dangerous situation hewas dropped in, but seeing him now, like this, made her pause. He didn’t know how to get along here.
She reached for his arm. He flinched away. She pulled her hand back and wrapped her arms around her waist, comforting herself. No matter what she projected on Jay, he was still a man whom she barely knew outside the bedroom. And though he’d never hurt her physically, he seemed to have an uncanny ability to find the right gesture to cut right through her.
“Of course I’m okay,” he said, his tone terse.
“Whatever. So you’re fine. If you don’t want to talk to me I’m happy enough to just walk back. Is that what you want?” she asked. She was setting herself up here. It was a big gamble, giving him an ultimatum. But she had to try something. She hadn’t even had a chance to introduce him to the others.
He didn’t react and she started to return to her friends.
“No, wait. I don’t want that.”
She stopped and faced him. “Whatdoyou want?”
She wasn’t sure what she’d expected tonight. Only knew that she needed to keep from being alone with Jay. But seeing him like this—uncomfortable and not himself—wasn’t what she’d had in mind.
Even suggesting that he let himself forget about his troubles and just enjoy the waves hadn’t helped for long. He wasn’t like everyone else and she suspected that was part of the reason why she was so attracted to him. Yet that difference was something she didn’t know how to bridge.
“I don’t know,” he admitted at long last.
“You’re the only one who can actually fix that,” she said. “Listen, I’ve got a short fuse where you’re concerned so maybe I’m not the best one to be here with you right now.”
He turned his head to the sea and she stepped closer to him, putting her arm around his waist because he seemed so alone. She wanted to comfort him. To take care of him, andshe had a revelation that that was one of the very things that she’d always wanted to do for him.
“What do you want from me?” she asked.
“I don’t know that either,” he said. “Hell, I’ve gone from a man who had a career path he was sure of and a life that worked for him to this. I have no idea.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “You’re figuring it out. One thing I do know is that you can’t keep hiding all the time. You need friends and you need to meet people who aren’t in your line of work. Come back and eat with my friends. Youwilllike them.”
She tried to lead him back but he refused to budge. She sensed there was more to it than just being around strangers.
“What were you thinking on the waves?” she asked. “You were doing really well and then all of a sudden...”
“I wasn’t thinking, like you said, and then I realized how ironic it was that I had been surrounded by sand not even a week ago and here I was on the water. It was just a surreal moment and I couldn’t shake it. It got me thinking about going back and then I fell and you saw the rest.”
“Wipeout,” she said. “The water is a good place to think.”
“Unless thinking makes you drown,” he said.
