It was safer that way. For him, certainly, and also for her. He didn’t want to disappoint her again or hurt her anymore than he already had.
“Are you going to say anything?” she asked. “Or just keep staring at me?”
“I don’t know how to begin. I’ve been thinking of the way you left last night. How you said you were going to use me.”
“Maybe that wasn’t the nicest thing to say,” she admitted. She tucked a strand of her hair back toward the high ponytail it had escaped from and then rubbed her hands along her thighs.
“But that is who you are now. I made you into a woman who wants to use someone else. I did that,” he said. He hadn’t thought of anyone but himself when he’d left her in Vegas and he regretted that now.
He’d told himself he was doing it for her. That he wasn’t the right guy to make her dreams come true. But he knew he’d left because he’d been unsure of what to do next.
She straightened up, twisting to face him. “I did that. Not you. I’m the one who put myself in a place where I can’t find my way back to who I used to be. I’m not ever going to be that girl again.”
She carefully put her hand on his wrist. “I need to do this and you’re looking for answers, too. Don’t worry too much. We’ll do this together.”
“I do worry. And I’m not someone who’s ever anxious, but with you—I am. I am afraid I’m too hard for you. I already hurt the woman you used to be.”
She bit her lower lip and he saw her hesitate and then she smiled over at him. “I’ve never complained about your hardness.”
He chuckled. “I guess not. In fact, it probably works for your plan to use me for my body.”
“It does,” she said. “It definitely does.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asked. Because, as he’d discovered last night, sex wasn’t necessarily the answer to what he was searching for from her.
“It leaves us where we are. Two people who are both trying to get who we are and where we’re going, who enjoy sex.”
“I need more than sex from you,” Jay said. “You’re different for me.”
“You were for me, too, but then you became someone I didn’t know. Let’s try to start over.”
“I don’t know if we can,” he said.
“We can. It won’t be easy, but it will work. You told me you have a job offer....”
He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head and turned to face her full-on. “I do. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me or not.”
“What is it exactly? I know we talked about you being a cake froster but I don’t imagine you went out and found that kind of job opening.”
He gave her a wry smile. “Your cookies are the only ones I’m interested in frosting.”
She just shook her head and waited.
“It’s a private security firm. They take on missions, some similar to what I’ve done in the Corps. They want me to be a sniper, which is what I’ve trained for and what I know.”
“Sounds like what you’re doing now, just that you’d be based here.”
“Sort of. They aren’t always deployed, so when they are here they do security for celebs... That sounds lame. Could you imagine me guarding some pretty face on the red carpet?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Definitely not. I’m sure they have stuff that’s not that high-profile. Doesn’t seem like sending you to a red-carpet event would suit your personality.”
“Yeah, I’d have to ask about that. Lucien offered to let me try it out for the next few days until I have to re-up. That way I can see what they do.”
She crossed those long legs of hers and swung her foot asshe listened to him. Distracted, all he could think about was pulling her onto his lap, putting his hands around her waist and holding her close to him.
“I think you should give it a try. You said you were back here to see if there was something else for you—that you were at a crossroads. I can’t imagine a job that would make your transition easier. I mean, you could try a government job, but I don’t see you as a desk man.”
“I’m definitely not a desk man.”
