Just that one sentence shocked her and made her smile. Then she started laughing though it wasn’t that funny and she felt the sting of tears and the very real urge to start crying. Damn. She turned her head away from him, pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head and wiped her eyes.
“You do know how to show a girl an interesting time,” she said. “What have you been up to?”
“Fighting,” he said. “That’s what I do.”
She arched one eyebrow at him. That was almost too straightforward, especially for Jay.
“Sorry. It’s on a T-shirt that a guy in my unit gave me last Christmas.”
“Oh,” she said, realizing there was a possibility of him having a life outside the Corps. “I have one that says ‘I dream in dark chocolate.’”
He smiled and they started eating. She gave Jay props for keeping the conversation light and she found him charming. Too charming as he recounted some humorous pranks he’d played on his buddies. That was how he referred to them. No names or any other identifiers.
“Why don’t you call them by their name?” she asked as they werefinishing up dinner.
“I don’t know why, I just think of them as they are, likesniper-scout.He’s the fourth one I’ve been paired with since I’ve been in the Corps.”
“What does he do exactly?” she asked.
“He’s my partner in the field. He helps me sight the target by gauging wind and other factors. He’s got my back, you know?”
She shook her head. “In the movies, snipers are always loners, but it doesn’t seem like you are.”
He shrugged again and she noticed the way his massive shoulders moved. He was still in top form, with muscles bulging under that black T-shirt of his. “Sort of. We work in pairs but because of burnout and other issues we don’t always develop deep bonds. I’d work alone if I could.”
“Why?” she asked, putting her silverware down to concentrate on what he was saying. To be honest, his answer didn’t surprise her. There had always been something solitary about him, even in Vegas when he’d been on leave.
“That way I don’t have to depend on anyone but myself.”
She tipped her head to the side to consider him. “Was that why you left me?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never been a coward, but walking away from you was the only thing I could do.”
“Why? Because you didn’t want to have to depend on me?” she asked.
“No,” he said, putting his sunglasses back down over his eyes. “I didn’t want you to depend on me and then let you down.”
JAY DIDN’TLIKE admitting his weaknesses out loud but he knew that lying to Alysse wasn’t going to winhim any favors. He’d planned what he’d say and how he’d say it, but he hadn’t been able to plan for her reactions.
She was hard to get a bead on tonight as she was both angry and sad and at times almost relaxed. And seeing her behavior tonight made him wonder if he should have just stayed gone. Selfishly, for his own peace of mind, he’d had to see her again.
He’d had to try to make things right. He wasn’t a complex man and Lord knew he didn’t have any real idea of how a relationship should work, but having seen his buddies and their wives, Jay knew that it was possible for a guy to be a soldier and have a life outside the Corps.
“So you decided just to let me down and get it over with.”
In this respect she was right, although there had been so much more to the decision. Now he was paying for it. He wondered sometimes if he’d be just better off staying to himself. His dad had always said he was a lone wolf who wasn’t fit for socializing and at times like this Jay believed that. “I think we’ve both gone around this long enough. Tell me more about the woman you are today.”
She took a swallow of her wine and then gave him a half smile. He couldn’t stop staring at her mouth. She’d had some kind of lipstick on earlier, but during the meal it had worn off. And left just the natural color of her lips, which brought an image to his mind of her tight nipples.
Damn. He wanted her.
“I work, I meet friends at the beach, I go to my parents’ house for dinner. I have a normal life.”
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“Most of the time. What are you trying to ask me?”
“Am I screwing your life up again by coming back?” he asked, being as blunt as he could. “I didn’t think that you would be so?—”
