“You’re right,” Tarek agrees after what feels like weeks.
I open my mouth, ready to launch into another biting argument, when his words sink in. I stare at him, my lips now parted in shock, unsure of what to do or say. I didn’t expect him to be so reasonable. I study Tarek’s face and am forced to admit that I don’t know this fae at all like I thought I did. I’ve pegged him as controlling, stiff, and combative, but I’ve seen none of that on display since I got here. I hate to say it, but maybe I’ve misjudged him. Maybe I’ve misjudged all of them.
Tarek steps back and runs his fingers through his hair. The dark brown strands immediately fall back in place around his face as though not even they are willing to go against him. I feel both relief and disappointment at the distance he creates between us, and I internally slap my face and shout at myself to get my head out of the dark and broody, sexy fae clouds.
“You’re right,” Tarek repeats. “I was hoping we’d know more about you before diving into your thura. Riall has been trying to track the lines of the last known female Sanguinna, and I’ve been cross-referencing that with the fae lines on record that can shadow walk,” he explains.
Confusion sweeps across my face, and seeing it, Tarek quickly continues.
“We were hoping that connecting your thura to existing records would give us a lead on who you are and where you come from. But knowing these things can also help you, and us, to navigate your abilities. No two thura are exactly alike. Each of us can shadow walk.” Tarek gestures to Curio and Riall. “But Curio is the strongest with the affinity. Riall’s thura works better when it comes to long distance as opposed to short walks, and my ability works better when I walk with all three of us. For me, it’s almost like my thura can feed on others’ power and grow stronger. The differences can be subtle, but they’re important.”
“We’ve also learned over time that the fae lines that carry certain thura often have similar strengths or weaknesses when it comes to that ability,” Curio provides, and Tarek nods.
“Exploring thura can be dangerous. I was hoping we’d have a clearer idea of what you might be able to do before we started down that path,” Tarek states.
“Fine,” I concede. “But why not tell me that from the start?”
Tarek sighs and leans back against the thick stone mantel above the fireplace. “You don’t trust us. Which is understandable given the circumstances,” he hurries to clarify. “But I was worried that bringing it up would make you want to test your limits on your own or that you wouldn’t believe our reasons for waiting. I didn’t want you to think we were trying to hold you back on purpose, so I chose to say nothing, figuring we’d have some answers soon and then it could be addressed.”
“We,” Riall corrects. “We discussed it and thought it would be better to focus on helping you adjust and get healthy before dealing with your thura. It wasn’t just Tarek’s decision.”
I study at the three of them, a flicker of respect pushing through my frustration at the way they defend and decide things together. I want to be annoyed, to feel offended at being cut out of the conversation, especially when that conversation was about me, but I can’t deny that their concerns might have been justified. There’s a strong possibility that I wouldn’t have believed them. They’re right in that I have been so busy trying to adjust to this newfound freedom that I haven’t given my abilities much thought. Not until Eacon reminded me that I should know more.
“Okay,” I say, the word a combination of me trying to process everything they just told me and accepting their explanation.
“Okay,” Tarek parrots, only his expression has a touch more question in it. He watches me like he wasn’t expecting that reaction, and a small smile flickers at my lips. Looks like neither of us gave the other credit for a calm and rational side.
“You made a decision. I can’t say whether it was right or wrong, but it’s done. In the future, I would like to be a part of these discussions. I feel as settled as I can, and I think it’s time to start preparing me for life outside of the castle walls.”
“Fair enough,” Tarek concedes, and both Curio and Riall nod.
A large smile sneaks across Riall’s face as he looks around at all of us. “Look at all of us being a team,” he teases, and Curio and Tarek both chuckle quietly.
I shake my head, but a grin splits my lips anyway. I’m uncertain that any of this means anything other than we can be levelheaded when we want to be, but I suppose time will tell when it comes to everything else. I know I want more in life than I dared to want before, but I still don’t know exactly what that looks like or even how to get it. I’m willing to consider that I may have been too dismissive of these Scorpions from the beginning, but it doesn’t mean that they’re the answer either.
I wasn’t lying when I told them that I feel as settled as I can. I also know that I wouldn’t feel that way without all of their help and support. I’m uncertain where any of this leads, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I’m open to possibilities. I didn’t understand the importance of that before, but I get it now. I guess we’ll see where that takes me.
ChapterThirty-Five
“Ithink it’s time we introduce Auset to the Empress,” Tarek states, his gaze bouncing from Riall to Curio as he squares his shoulders and crosses his arms over his chest. He radiates strength and power, and there’s no mystery as to why he’s the unspoken leader of their Order. “Even if she chooses to go, I think it’s wise.”
Some sort of silent exchange born fromeonsof knowing each other occurs between the three of them. Try as I might, I can’t follow what their eyebrow flicks, mouth twitches, or intense eye contact mean. I also have no idea who the Empress might be. The realms are ruled by kings and, for the few that have taken them, queens. There are other lands that exist far outside the borders of the realms, but I’ve never heard mention of other rulers before. We weren’t fed regular realm news at the ludere, but the powers that be have always been well known and discussed amongst the masters and guards.
“You think you can handle it, Moonling?” Curio asks me, a roguish glint in his hickory-brown eyes.
“Handle what exactly?” I question, looking at the three of them in turn.
“Our namesake,” Riall answers, but that only serves to confuse me even more.
“You said we weren’t doing everything we could to protect and prepare you; this would help protect you,” Tarek supplies cryptically, and it’s all I can do not to huff in frustration and walk out.
“Someone make sense, I’m begging,” I gripe, and Riall chuckles.
“I do like when a beautiful female begs,” Curio taunts.
I glare at him, ignoring the flash of heat that strikes through my center. It’s entirely too easy to picture kneeling in front of him or, better yet, watching him kneel in front of me as he slowly parts my thighs. I quickly retreat from the provocative direction of those thoughts. I don’t know what in the stars has gotten into me. It started with that kiss in the kitchens, and now it’s blazing a path through me, making it hard to think about anything else. Eacon’s advice and the easy intimacy I witnessed between her and Rink hasn’t helped dissuade these deepening desires either. In fact, it’s only served to muddy the waters of my mind even more.
With Leto, I was a master at separating emotion from sex. I needed that then. What we did on the rooftop of the ludere under the watchful eye of the moon, soothed scars that had been clawed into my soul. I took back power that had been stolen from me, found a way to enjoy my body and what could be done with it, and to it, whenIallowed it. There wasn’t a thing that Leto and I didn’t explore together, but it’s not just physicality and pleasure that I’m craving these days. It’s starting to become a distraction, and distractions are dangerous.
