Grammy? Here?
I stare at Tad, confused for a beat, and then realization kicks in like a donkey kick to the ass.
“Tad, I’m here,” I explain, but the illumination of understanding doesn’t flick on in his stare. “I came back,” I add, trying to make myself clearer.
“I know,” he tells me, his eyes welling with emotion. “It’s so fucked up seeing you like this, but I’m so glad I can. Will you stay with me...or do we only have so long?” he questions, a hint of desperation settling in his words.
“No, Tad, you’re not hearing me,” I try, switching tactics from delicate explanation to flashing neon sign of truth. “I’mnotdead. I’m alive and sitting next to you right now.”
Tad leans away from me, his eyes flitting around our surroundings like he’s searching for clarity and it’s written on the walls and the ceiling. He shakes his head as though he doesn’t like the words he’s about to speak and turns back to me. “No, Lennox, you died,” he tells me, his eyes soft and compassionate as if he’s breaking bad news to me. “Rogan told us what happened. How he was too late. Ma decked him.”
My eyes widen with shock. “She what?” I demand, half sympathetic to how awful that must have been for Rogan and half wishing I could have been there to watch. I mean, I may love the dude, but he’s pulled some slap-worthy moves in the short time we’ve known each other.
“Not at first, ya know, we were in complete shock. But after Rogan explained what happened, Ma said she wanted to see you, that she couldn’t believe it until she saw with her own eyes.”
Tad runs his hand down his exhausted face and huffs out a breath that sounds like it carries the weight of the world on it.
“Rogan made a call, and the next thing we knew, someone in a morgue was videoing us and showing you on a table with a sheet draped over you.” Tad’s voice cracks with sorrow, but he shakes his head, refusing to give into the ache of anguish now breathing down on him.
“You know how Ma gets, as soon as she accepted what Rogan was saying, she went into Hillen mode. She started working out where to have the funeral. What flowers you would want. Whether or not to have music at the memorial service. She started asking about how to get your remains transferred here, and Rogan got weird. Said she couldn’t have them for a while, that they needed to do some tests or something on the magic that kept you from healing.”
I close my eyes, knowing exactly how Rogan would have sounded and all the red flags that would have shot up for Tad and Hillen. He would have sounded vague and cagey, and they would have known he was hiding something. They would have thought the worst, and Rogan would have let them to protect his secret...or what he hoped would becomeoursecret.
Shit.
I tune back into Tad and what he’s saying.
“So, like I said, you’re dead. But hey, look on the bright side, from the look of things, you found someone fun to play doctor with on the other side,” he points out, gesturing to my stolen scrubs and sounding more like the Tad I know and love. He nudges my shoulder with his. “Does he have wings? Do they do anything besides look hot and make him fly?” he teases, his voice playful and doing a good job of masking an undercurrent of desolation.
“Tad, you seriously think I’m in heaven looking like this?” I demand, fluffing my dry ass curls.
I swear they make a crunching noise.
He looks me over, and there’s no hiding the slight cringe he makes.
“I don’t know what in the fucked upGrey’s Anatomyyou ghosts get up to, Lentil Soup. I’m not here to judge,” he reassures me.
I roll my eyes and give him an obvious once over. “That’s probably a good thing, because if you took a good look at the state you’re in right now, you might never recover,” I taunt on a laugh as I push up to my feet.
“I am in mourning,” he counters, swatting my side with a chuckle before following me down the stairs.
“Where are you going?” he asks when I make a beeline for the kitchen.
“I’m starving, and I saw some muffins down here when I came in.” I grab the Ziploc bag of baked goods, mentally chantingplease be blueberry, please be blueberryas I open it up and unabashedly shove one in my mouth. I moan loudly as the flavors hit my tongue.
Yasss! Blueberry for the win!
I close my eyes in pure bliss and pretty much swallow the whole thing in two chews before quickly wolfing another one down.There. Happy now?I ask my stomach as I reach for a third muffin.
“Leni, what’s going on?” Tad asks, uncertainty ringing in his tone. “I thought I’d be the next in line, but where are the bones? And how are you doing that? Ghosts can’t eat. Is this some kind of optical illusion?” he questions, the last part more of a mumbled explanation he’s telling himself versus a question actually directed at me.
My mouth is too full to politely yell at him that I’m not dead, so I simply level him with a look of exasperation. Guarding my bag of blueberry treasures, I walk toward him, hip checking him into the fridge as I leave the kitchen. “Can ghosts do that, Tad?” I point out, but it comes out a bit garbled by the muffin in my mouth.
“Rude!” he calls after me before regaining his footing and following close on my heels.
I head down the hall and find myself wrapped up in the warm familiarity of the cream-colored walls and the pictures hung all over of bad school portraits, the Osseous ancestors that came before us, and the silly pictures of family vacations and get-togethers. I gorge myself as I go, wandering into the guest room where I locate the drawer that houses some of myI’m too drunk or tired to drive homeclothes. Turning to Tad, I take a deep breath and let my eyes grow serious. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I can’t even tell you how sorry I am for what you and Hillen have been through since I died, but I need you to listen to me, like really listen, Tad,” I tell him, my throat tightening with emotion as he nods his understanding, his gaze confused and clearly trying to make sense of what’s happening.
“Rogan told you the truth, I did die. What he didn’t tell you is that he knew a way to bring me back. He wasn’t sure if it was going to work, which is why he didn’t say anything to you or Hillen before.” I place both of my hands on Tad’s arms so he can feel me, adjusting my position so our eyes are level. “When I say I’mhere, Tad, I mean that I’mreallyhere. I’m flesh and blood, frizzy curls and a beating heart. I’m alive. I’m not a ghost here to deliver the bones. The bones are still mine because I’mnotdead. Well, not anymore anyway.”
