“Whatever it is that you think about me, you’re fucking wrong,” I angrily declare to Lachlan. “I didn’t even exist when Vaughn was taken from you. I’m not the one who put him with my mother, and I was bornafterthey tried to escape. I am not responsible for what happened.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I remind him once again, and I’m surprised when he mumbles something. “What?” I snap.
“I don’t blame you for what happened. Well, not anymore anyway,” he confesses, and I’m rendered speechless by the fact that he even said anything, let alonethat. “I work hard. I’m single-minded in my focus to be the best,” he admits. “Keegan teases that I’m overcompensating, and as much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. Keegan and I are private about our relationship, not because we necessarily have to be, it’s just the way we are. The community doesn’t look down on us, but I’ve always felt the drive to prove my worth regardless. I do that by being the best paladin I can possibly be and serving the community that way.”
Lachlan grows quiet, and I’m not sure what to say. I’m floored by this peek into who he is, but I’m not sure why he’s giving it to me.
“When Vaughn went missing, a part of me went missing too. We all looked. We did everything we could possibly do to find him, but I failed. I failed him. I failed the other families that lost loved ones. I failed the community because I was the best and yet I couldn’t piece together what happened. And every birthday and Bonding Anniversary, every good day I had without my brother made me break more and more.”
Lachlan leans forward out of the shadows of his corner, and the hollowness I see in his gaze is haunting. He takes a few breaths before he continues, and he looks so shattered as he does. I realize as I watch him that there is no gluing his pieces back together, and it makes me so fucking sad for him.
“You have his eyes,” he whispers at me, and he spends a moment blinking away the emotion that confession calls out in him. “One minute you were just there, fighting like you were born for it, blinking up at me withhiseyes, and I just didn’t know how to deal with it, with you. I don’t know how to be happy that you exist when I’m just so sad that he doesn’t anymore.” Lachlan starts crying, and I wipe away at my own tears as I watch my uncle show me hisbroken.
“I’m glad you have the boys and their coven. They’re good males, and they will be there for you. They will take care of you. And I know it’s wrong, I know it’s not fair, but that will have to be enough. Because you will never find what you’re looking for here,” he tells me, and he slams a fragile, shaky fist against his chest. “I just don’t have it in me to give you what you deserve. You need to know that I’m just too fractured, and that’s on me, not on you.”
Lachlan’s emerald eyes turn hard, and I witness as he sluffs off the vulnerability he was just showing. He leans back, letting the darkness of the corner wrap him in its embrace, and I stare after him, once again at a loss for words. I want to tell him that maybe if he would just try, he’d realize that he’s not as broken as he thinks. That I’ve seen moments in his countenance that point to hope. That I’m worth the risk, worth the effort. But I’m once again reminded not to fight for something when the other person isn’t willing to fight for it too.
I rest my head back so I can hide in my own shadows. He’s right. It’s not fair, and it is wrong, but ultimately, it’s just sad. He’s given up, and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it. There’s not enough magic in the world to make someone see, not when they refuse to open their eyes or even believe that they can.
21
Agray haze encases me, and I try to blink it away from my eyes. It feels wet or maybe the coolness of the mist just gives that illusion. I ache, like my body is fighting off a fever, and a painful shiver runs up my spine.
“Squeaks?”
Ryker’s voice moves through me, and I try to grab for it, but it buzzes around my head, illusive and just out of reach.
“Squeaks, can you hear me?”he tries again, and I whimper at the longing that coats his smooth tone.“Focus, Vinna,”he instructs me. I try to answer him, but this dream hurts so fucking bad.
“What hurts, Vinna?”he asks, like he just plucked the thought from my foggy brain.
“Everything,”I confess.
“Thank fuck! There you are,”he announces, and it’s as if I can snatch the relief in his words out of the air and wrap it warmly around me.“Are you okay? We’ve been trying to reach you.”
“My dad is dead. Siah betrayed us, and I’ve been collared,”I tell him on a slur.
“What does that mean, Squeaks?”Ryker presses, his words frantic.
A stinging sensation starts in my limbs, and I try to shake them out.“I killed a girl, Ryker. She wanted to die. I couldn’t fight for her. I killed her.I’m so fucking mad I went for the wrong threat; I chased Siah when I should have been killing Adriel. Stupid. So fucking stupid!”
“Hey now, no one talks about my girl that way.Just slow down, you’re not making any sense. Why can’t you fight?”he asks, his tone gentle and reassuring, but I feel the bite of panic in his question.
“He put a collar on me like a fucking dog. I can’t use magic. It makes it hurt,”I explain, and as I do, some of the gray haze around me lifts.“I don’t think I’m dreaming,”I announce, and as more of the fog recedes, I become less and less anesthetized. My bones feel like they’re on fire, and my heart starts to race as I begin to pant through the pain.
“Fuck, Squeaks. We know where you are, and we’re coming, just hold on, okay?”
“Not yet,”I tell him, and he growls with frustration.“I have to find Keegan first.”
With that, a loud bang has me jolting all the way awake, and I’m instantly aware of the bone-deep ache radiating throughout my body. My head has only me in it again, and I feel the loss of Ryker worse than the physical pain I’m currently experiencing. Lachlan is being carried out by two goonish looking lamia. Alarmed, I stand up and move to intercept them, but I’m yanked out of the way from behind.
My back slams into something so hard that it knocks the wind out of me. I tell my brain over and over again not to panic, andwillmy lungs to inflate. Arms wrap around me from behind, and I can’t fight their hold while I’m fighting to breathe. I gasp painfully as my lungs finally rebound, and I cough on the air that rushes in too fast.
“Drink this quickly,” a familiar voice whispers in my ear.
Another canteen is shoved in my hands, and my feet are being pulled out from underneath me as I’m carried out of the cell. I don’t look up at Siah’s face as I unscrew the cap to the canteen and down the contents in less than thirty seconds. When the canteen is empty, Siah snatches it from my grasp, and then suddenly it’s gone. I have no idea if he dropped it discreetly somewhere or performed some disappearing magic trick. Fuck, he could have shoved it up his ass for all I know, but it’s gone in some freakishly impressive sleight of hand, and I have no idea where it went.
