My eyes snap open, and I look around wildly, but it’s dark. When I feel a hand come up to touch my arm, I flinch, rearing back to shove the person away, but a strong fist catches my forearm. “Brant, it’s okay. It’s just us. You were asleep.”
I have to blink several times to recognize Madix’s voice, but it all comes together when a heavy, fur-covered body settles into my lap. The feel of Puddles pulls me out of my confusion, and I register that I’m in a tent. I recognize Remi’s shadowed silhouette beside me, and my stomach plummets. “Fuck,” I say, running my hands down my face. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
Her cool hand returns to my face. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says quietly.
I drape my arms over my bent knees and shake my head. “I could’ve hurt you.”
“We wouldn’t have let that happen,” Madix says.
Madix and Theo share a look, and then Theo clears his throat. “It’s just about dawn. I’ll go get some water boiling so we can get going.”
Madix looks at Remi before following Theo out, leaving me and Remi alone. Puddles has moved to my left side, her wet nose pressed against my leg as she watches me. I let a shaky hand drop down to scratch her head. I feel embarrassed as fuck that Remi had to see me like this. “I bet you’re re-thinking this whole thing with us now, huh?” I ask with a humorless laugh. “We’re quite the catch. I swear, our baggage has baggage.”
“Everyone’s fucked up in one way or another,” she says, nudging me over so she can get under the sleeping bag with me. She’s not close enough though, so I pull her into my lap and run my hand up her thigh. She’s wearing thin leggings, and I think one of Theo’s shirts with the sleeves rolled up at the wrists.
“You wanna talk about it?” she asks, moving her hand to the back of my jaw, where she lightly runs her fingers over it. I’m usually smooth there, but dark-blonde scruff has collected over the past couple of days since I haven’t had a chance to shave.
I blow out a breath as I start to rub circles over her thigh with my thumb. “We were the only three to survive the explosion.” I pause, and for some reason, it’s like I need a moment to swallow the reality of that statement even though I’ve lived and re-lived it for years. We were just going over the final details of out recon assignment when it happened, and it wiped out the rest of our squad,” I find myself telling her. “The night terrors and flashbacks started right away, and that was really fucking hard. I had a traumatic brain injury, but when I recovered, my eyesight was effected, and I had some balance issues for a while. Sometimes, I feel like I’ll never escape, and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to.” Puddles leans into me more and I rub her neck and back.
Remi is quiet as she listens to me, and I’m grateful, because I don’t think I could handle questions right now. “Theo’s leg got fucked up. It could have been worse, but Madix got to him before the fire could and pulled him free.”
“Jesus,” Remi hisses under her breath.
“Madix blames himself. He was our squad leader. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, but it wasn’t his fault. We were in hostile territory. He did everything right, but he’s never been able to let that guilt go. Hell, I don’t know if any of us will really ever stop feeling guilty that we’re here and they’re not.”
I see her nod slowly, like she’s taking that information in. Her fingers dance from my scruffy, three-day-old beard to the back of my head, where she tugs at the strands of hair where my head and neck meet.
“I’m glad you guys have each other,” she says quietly, and I nod, because I think that every day.
“What about you?” I ask, before I can stop myself.
She blinks at me, confused by the question. “What about me?”
“Dowehave you?”
She tilts her head and studies me, and I wish I could snatch back my words and shove them down my stupid throat. Why am I even going there right now? We’ve had sexonce. Nothing about our current circumstances is normal, and time isn’t exactly on our side. According to Remi, we’re only a couple days from Endstone now, and who knows what will happen in the future with this virus, with us, or anything for that matter.
“Do youwantto have me?” she asks, like she’s genuinely curious.
I could play things off and make a joke to lighten the intense tone I just set, but fuck it. I’ve dug the hole this deep already, so I might as well see if I can turn it into a nice sized swimming pool. One that I could use to drown myself in when Remi shuts me down at any moment. “Yeah, I do. I think you’re exactly what we need.”
We stare at each other, the shadows dancing across our faces, and she looks so fucking beautiful. I want to flip her on her back and give her so many orgasms that she has no choice but to admit that we’re exactly what she needs too.
Finally, after what feels like a fucking eternity, she opens her mouth to reply, but before she can put me out of my misery and say something, Madix suddenly flips open the tent flap. “We have a fucking problem. Get dressed, now,” he says ominously, leaving before I can ask what the fuck is going on.
Remi and I immediately jump into action. I dig into my bag and yank on some pants and a shirt, quickly stuffing my feet into my boots. Remi is ready when I am, and we hurry out of the tent to find Madix and Theo with their guns ready, poised behind a couple of trees and eyes focused ahead. It’s that weird time of morning, right before the sun comes up, so everything is bathed in tones of gray. Madix immediately puts up hand signals to fill me in on what’s happening, and as I read them, my blood turns to ice and fear claws its way up my throat.
“What’s going on?” Remi asks on a whisper.
“We’ve got people coming our way,” I explain, and watch as she looks back in the direction that Madix and Brant are watching. I see the debate in her features, and I know in this moment that Remi still doesn’t fully believe what we’ve been telling her. I just fucking hope that she’s not about to learn the hard way by being exposed and getting sick.
“Get your gun,” I tell her, my expression fierce and my tone crucial, so that she knows exactly how serious this is. “Do everything we tell you to. This isn’t a joke, and we have no idea what they want. If they’re sick...” my voice trails off as Puddles gives a low warning growl.
Madix and Brant suddenly back up towards us, and I wait for their instructions. Maybe we have enough time to pack up what we can and make a run for it. Evade and live, that’s the goal, but one look at their faces shows me that’s not an option.
“Five men approaching,” Madix says as they come up beside us. “Mid-twenties from what we can tell in this light. They have weapons—looking like hunting rifles. We didn’t see them until just now, and we don’t have time to pack up before they get here,” he says, his face grim. “Each of us guards a point of the compass. Keep an eye out for anyone trying to surround us or come from behind.”
I nod and call for south. Madix calls east, Theo chooses north, and Remi doesn’t say anything at all, but turns to face west. I feel like we wait for an eternity in the gray mist of dawn, our backs facing each other as we keep in formation to watch. The morning air is cold, but my blood is running so hot that I feel a drip of sweat travel down the back of my neck. In the next moment, shadowy figures break through the trees into a wider clearing about twenty feet away.
