I turn to walk away and try to get ahold of the unstable emotions splashing through me at his presence.
“Vinna, I’m sorry!”
The loud boom of Aydin’s shout magnifies the pain in his words and tone. Maybe it’s the grief I’m struggling with, or the stress of this shitty day, but something in me fractures and whirl on him.
“You fucking should be! You pretended to be my friend. You knew what I had been through. You knew because I let you in, let you see who I am, but it wasn’t enough for you. You stepped aside over and over again and gave them your silent permission to bleed me dry. You’re a fucking coward and a liar. You should be more than sorry. You should be fucking ashamed.”
I wipe furiously at the angry tears dripping down my face. Enoch and his coven are positioned by the door, blocking Aydin from coming in. They silently witness the exchange, their eyes fixed on the ground as my pain and rage lash out to where Aydin is standing. I hate that I’m emotionally cut open and exposed in front of more people I’m not sure I can trust.
“I’ve left the coven. I asked to be reassigned. Evrin has too.”
Of all the things I anticipated Aydin could say,thatwas not one of them.Fucking hell.Aydin stares at me, broken and begging. I look away from the intensity of the questions I see in his eyes and run my fingers through my hair. I tug at the roots in an attempt to hold on to anything and ground myself, but I suddenly feel drained to the point of emptiness. I close my eyes and give a shuddering sigh. Slow tears, I couldn’t stop if I tried, drip down my cheeks to plummet to their end from my jaw.
“What do you want, Aydin?”
I open my eyes and stare at him, as the hollow question leaves my mouth. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and we take each other in, both of us trying to read the other, gauge what’s going to come from this.
“You were right; I let you get crushed under the weight of Lachlan’s pain. I let doubts and the past taint my own impressions of you, and I know I failed you because of that.”
Aydin’s voice breaks and his eyes well up, but he doesn’t allow the tears to fall. I wish I could figure that trick out. I’m starting to get really tired of spontaneously crying. I’ll have to add that to the list of things Aydin will never teach me. I’ll put it right next to creating fire with magic, and loyalty.
“I just want you to know that I’m still here. I can’t take back what I did, or the damage it caused, even though I would do anything to be able to. I can’t make it right, but I can show you that I have your back, the way that you deserve. The way I should have always been there for you.”
His words battle against my defenses, but ultimately, they don’t breach the pain and betrayal I feel. I shake my head and stare past him into the night.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to able to trust you. I’m just not built for forgiveness.”
We stare at each other for a moment before Aydin gives me a sad nod, and he blinks back tears. Mine continue to flow freely, as my admission shatters both of us.
“That’s okay,” he tells me, his voice choked with heartache and apology. “But I’m still going to be here regardless. I’ll earn it whether you can give it or not.”
Aydin and I stand there, neither one of us sure what to do now. Eventually, I give him the slightest acquiescing nod. I don’t know what else there is to say or do at this point. He watches me a moment longer before he turns around and leaves. I stare unseeing out the open door. I work to unravel the mess of feelings that are tangled inside of me as Enoch and the others carry boxes past me. I don’t know how long I stand there, statue-like, before I give up my search for meaning and answers in the empty doorway that frames the empty night.
6
Sunshine that’s too bright and cheerful for how I’m feeling this morning flashes through the windows. Cutlery scrapes against plates and bowls as we all eat, suffocating in awkward silence. Apparently, my emotional display with Aydin yesterday ramped up the awkwardness around here, and none of these guys know what the hell to do with me now. Or maybe the reality of this fucked up situation has sunk in, and there’s not much to say about it.
Milk drips off my spoon as I scoop another bite of cereal into my mouth, and I silently formulate a plan to convince the sisters to come live with me. I’ve already broken up Lachlan’s coven, why not go for the jugular and steal the sisters away too. I’m not sure how long I’m going to have to stay in this house, but when I do get out, I’m going to need the sisters, their loving and calming ways, and their amazing food to help me recover.
“So, we should probably go over the plan for today.”
Heads swivel in my direction, and I look up to find Enoch talking to me. His eyes look a little bluer and less gray today, and I wonder if the shade changes often and what the catalyst is.
“The elders are going to come by this morning and determine what you need to get caught up with where you should be,” Enoch explains, his eyes settle on my mouth for a second and then flick away.
I wipe at my lips and chin making sure I don’t have a trail of milk or something.
“I’ve got a hundred on her being paladin,” Kallan announces.
“I’ll take that bet,” Becket counters. “I know you guys said she’s good with weapons, but if her magic is as weak as it seemed to be yesterday, they won’t want her.”
“She’s a healer for sure. She healed injuries on me that she didn’t have direct contact with. That’s her strongest branch no question. She can fight, so I’ll bet paladin too,” Nash argues.
They look to Enoch and wait for him to weigh in. He looks at me appraisingly and then pulls out his wallet. “I’ll wager she’s paladin. What do you think, Pebble?”
Pebble rolls his eyes and glares at me. Apparently, his nickname has caught on, and it’s thoroughly entertaining to watch how irritated it makes him.
“She’s too hot to be a proper warrior. I think Aydin was going easy on her, trying to build up her fragile self-esteem. There’s no way she’s as good as he says. I’m with Becket.”
