His breath against my skin makes me shiver, and I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him tighter into me. A caress moves across my shoulder, and I look over to find Knox, his gaze filled with concern.
“Are you okay?”
He steps closer to me, and I look up into his deep gray eyes. I slowly shake my headno.
“It was awful. One minute we were all together, and the next they’re shoving you roughly out the door. What do we do if they deny your claim? I’m pretty sure they are pushing for something between me and Enoch’s coven. Although, who knows what’s going to happen now that I’ve attacked one of them and gone AWOL. Fuck, are they going to try and bind my magic?”
Knox wraps me up in a tight hug and holds me that way for a couple of minutes. My panic slowly subsides, chased away by the reassuring contact. When he pulls back, he cups my face and leans in to give me a sweet kiss. His lips pull away from mine, and I find myself tilting toward him, not wanting the kiss to end. His chest rumbles against mine with amusement.
“Killer, do you really think any of us would let that happen?”
I’m pulled away from him and wrapped up in another set of strong arms. Each of my Chosen takes their turn to hold me, all of us needing the physical reminder that we’re okay and together. I feel instantly comforted and protected, and once again so grateful that in all this mess, I at least have them.
Knox’s statement echoes in my head, but I’m struggling to find the comfort that I know he’s trying to provide. What if they can’t stop the elders from doing what they want? We’re all just being tossed around at other peoples’ whims and going with the fucked up flow of that, but when does it stop? At what point do we draw a line in the sand and say,no more?
I brush off the niggling concern and instead focus on everything we need to sort out so that we can be together. A place to live, where we’re all safe and free, seems to be the biggest obstacle. I try to picture what it would be like to have a place of our own, but I don’t let my mind wander too much into that daydream. Reality is, I won’t be able to have any of that until I can get free of the elders' claim.
How am I going to survive three years until my awakening? Three more years of restrictions, rules, and being manipulated into staying away from my Chosen. I’m struggling to accept another three days without doing the things to them I want to do. I’m aware that my sudden urgency for deeper physical connection is an undeniable side effect of their bodies currently being pressed up against mine, as we console and reassure each other. Just their presence all around me is making me rethink the whole group sex caveat I mentioned before.
Down girl!This is not the time or the place for that shit!
I have to stop myself from scoping out our surroundings in search of a good place to lay down and encourage things to go further. Their call to me has always been strong, but after I marked them, there seems to be an extra dose of urgent desire. If it weren’t for all the crazy shit that always seems to be happening around me, I would be pushingmuchharder to introduce their body parts to mine.
“Vinna, I know it probably seems even harder to accept after what just happened, but it’s going to be okay. We have every right to submit a claim, and the elders should take that seriously. But, if for whatever reason they decide to fuck around, we’ll just move on to plan B,” Valen tells me, his smile sweet and his words confident.
“What’s plan B?”
“We run. Just until you have your awakening. After that, there’s nothing they can really do to force you into anything you don’t want,” Sabin explains.
I run my hands over my face in exhausted frustration. “Fuck.”
Valen kisses the top of my head. “I don’t think it will come to that. But I don’t want you to think that we’re not considering our options, too.”
“But how is that even an option? You guys have your last year as conscripts starting in two weeks. You can’t just walk out on that. You’ve been working most of your lives to be paladin.”
“None of us are saying that would be an easy choice to make, but we’ve all talked about it, and if it comes to that, then it comes to that,” Ryker states, giving me a small smile.
I look at each of them in turn. The twins have their wavy dark-chocolate hair down today, and it frames their full lips and sable-lashed, hazel eyes. Ryker’s smile is sweet, caring, and it makes his bright-sunny-day-blue eyes, all the more beautiful. Knox stands like the Sentinel he’ll soon become. His tall, chiseled body ready for anything and his rainstorm-gray eyes radiating his happy-go-lucky attitude. And Sabin, tattoos climbing up one arm, perfectly styled hair, and forest-green eyes that are the windows to an old soul with a tender heart. There’s no doubt or hesitancy in any of their eyes. I only find acceptance and calm resolve.
“I don’t know if I’m worth this. I don’t say that because I’m fishing for reassurance or an ego boost, but I don’t know if you guys are really thinking this through. I mean, just look what I’ve done to your family already.” I look at the twins. “I’ve destroyed everything you grew up having in just over a month. If we ever bind together, I’m basically handing over a death sentence. My world is fucked up, and that’s what’s going to happen to your world, too, if we all stay together. You can see it happening already; the power plays from the casters, the attacks from the lamia. I’m condemning all of you to that, forever!”
“Vinna stop. Right now, stop.” Sabin steps up to me, and Valen moves over to make room for him. “You didn’t ruin or destroy anything. Lachlan and his coven, they did that. They fucked everything up for their own selfish, deluded reasons. That wasn’t you. You have no control over the actions and choices that other people make, for good, or for bad.”
Sabin’s forest-green eyes are imploring. They plead with me to see the world the way he does, but I don’t know if I can.
“I killed Talon, Sabin. If it weren’t for me, my mom, dad, Bastien and Valen’s mom and dad, their whole coven, Talon, and who the fuck knows how many others, would be alive.”
Sabin snorts, and the odd reaction makes me pause.
“Well, now you’re just getting a bit full of yourself there, Vinna. I knew you thought pretty highly of yourself before, and rightfully so. I mean we all think the sun and moon rise and set with you. But this god complex you’ve got going! Whew, it’s impressive. And to think, you once accused me of having a big ego. Well, now I can chalk that up to projection.”
Sabin’s features stay serious, but he gets the slightest twinkle in his eyes. An amused scoff escapes me, and I shake my head at him. He laces his fingers behind my neck and pulls me ever so close to him, his lips just barely out of reach unless I stand on my tiptoes.
“Fucked up shit happens. It’s not your fault or your responsibility. You can only take credit for your own thoughts and actions. You have no right to try and claim anybody else's.” He gestures to the others. “You can claim us, because we give ourselves freely, but our thoughts and our actions are still our own, just like yours are.”
His eyebrows rise, and the question in his gaze is clear. I nod my head in understanding and let what he just said soak into me.
“Now, if you ever try to convince us again that you’re not worth it, there’s going to be trouble. So, remember that the next time things fall to shit, and they will because that’s life. And, all of us are more than okay with that.”
